Hi Travel (not all that wonder are lost)

The word “nostalgia” comes from two Greek roots: νόστος, nóstos (“return home”) and ἄλγος, álgos (“longing”).

Nostalgia is a sentiment of loss and displacement, but it is also a romance with one’s own phantasy. Nostalgia a longing for a home that no longer exists or has never existed. At the same time Nostalgia is mourning and or longing for same imagine future that cannot be. The Past become the Future without a Present. And they say Time Travel isn’t possible. 🙂

“Have you also learned that secret from the river; that there is no such thing as time?” That the river is everywhere at the same time, at the source and at the mouth, at the waterfall, at the ferry, at the current, in the ocean and in the mountains, everywhere and that the present only exists for it, not the shadow of the past nor the shadow of the future.”
― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

Nostaglgia is a kind of wound. The word wound so close to the word wonder; a wound is a wonder. Life opening and then healing itself . “Wounds” an invitation to enter into the raw and real of human life and then to wait for the wonder.

I love the wound of Nostalgia. Hearing a peace of music that sends me back in time to a memory revisited. To see how time flowed from that point. Sometimes painful lessons learned, but having learned something less painful. The wonder of the healing comes from allowing the feelings to flow.

The longing isn’t for the past or some future that cannot be but for home which is in the present. Be Present

When we are stricken and cannot bear our lives any longer, then a tree has something to say to us: Be still! Be still! Look at me! Life is not easy, life is not difficult. Those are childish thoughts. . . . Home is neither here nor there. Home is within you, or home is nowhere at all. – Hermann Hess

Eric

“The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd – The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.” ― Fernando Pessoa

Regret is one such absurd emotion and so as the Buddha noted – Life is suffering even if illusion we make it real.

Is there any way to stop this? How do u guys overcome regret?

All the things: mindfulness, detachment, gratefulness, forgiveness, grief/mourning, physical exercise, eat healthy, sleep, drink water… stopping.

And Or as the Buddha Yoda said – “There is no try only do“.  If regret is getting in your way stop letting it.

Recognized that you can’t change the past and then stop trying to change it.
Recognized that a part of you likes to feel bad about the choices made and not made and  ask yourself what is your payoff for doing so.
Then stop it if you want better… or own it it if you don’t.  Be honest. When you catch your self regressing into regret, take a breath, say hi to the thoughts, have a laugh at the absurdity of the ego desire to feel bad, and let it go.

No experience or anything learned is a waisted, it was as it was to get you to this moment and you are exactly were you need to be to move forward.

I liked Philips Simmons – Learning to Fall: the Blessings of an Imperfect Life

Now I find myself in late August, with the nights cool and the crickets thick in the fields. Already the first blighted leaves glow scarlet on the red maples. It’s a season of fullness and sweet longings made sweeter now by the fact that I can’t be sure I’ll see this time of the year again….

From our first faltering steps we may fall into disappointment or grief, fall into or out of love, fall from youth or health. And though we have little choice as to the timing or means of our descent, we may, as he affirms, “fall with grace, to grace.”

Hi Liz
I have quite a number of friends in the same situation. coming to terms with what cannot be so your not alone.
My own situation is being single with no children which is not quite the same but I can say. I’ve had those nights of anxiety wondering what if, if only… The most painful state of being is remembering a future that can never be.

Can you master this inner pain? Yes. I think a place to start is to honor your experience of loss as it is a loss. Will this pain of this loss fully go away? Maybe not but by honoring what you feel you may discover that you don’t have to clink to the experience of loss and can let it flow.

Not being able to communicate your experience of loss in a safe way with your husband may be part of the reason this loss hurts so much. Anita I think may be able to help you with that.

Hi Danny

“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

I have found that such truths as you are beginning to embrace almost always appear as paradox, a need to hold two seemingly conflicting notions as true at the same time. I believe a reason for this is due to the nature of conciseness and growth

Einstein noted that:  “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” thus I believe that when we are asked to grow we will be confronted with  seeming paradox. When contemplated paradox calls us to empty ourselves, detach from what we already think we know and feel, from who we think we are, to opening the door for a higher level of consciousness to answer the question.

“As you think so you shall be” but then later on in the same book he says “You are not your thoughts”

“In racing, they say that your car goes where your eyes go. The driver who cannot tear his eyes away from the wall as he spins out of control will meet that wall; the driver who looks down the track as he feels his tires break free will regain control of his vehicle.” – Racing in the Rain

You are not your car, you are not your eyes you are not the wall you fear hitting, you are not the road… Yet there is a car, a road, a wall and the car will go where your eyes go.  The driver that looks down the road does not ignore the wall. The driver is fully aware of the car and the wall, notes it, then trust the skills (their knowing) to avoid it. The first skill they learn to avoid the wall is to look down the track to the direction the driver and car wants to go…

Another challenge for you. in the above metaphor you are not the driver either. 🙂

It is said “We see the world as we are not as it is”. The level of consciousness that realizes this problem needs a higher level of consciousness to address the problem of ‘as we are‘. Self emptying we notice we have thoughts, we are not our thoughts, we have emotions we are not our emotions, we have jobs we, we are not our jobs, we have experiences, we our not our experiences, we have stories, we are not our stories… This state of being allows our thoughts, emotions, experiences to flow instead of clinging to them, blocking them, identifying the Self with them and hitting the wall we wish to avoid.

So you are not your thoughts – as you think so shell you be – isn’t a paradox at all.  (notice how changing the order of the two thoughts changes things?) If you know at a deep level of knowing you are not your thoughts so shell you BE. (who might that be detached from thought?)

So another paradox for you 🙂 –   we work for that which no work is required.

Hi Felix

If your a highly sensitive person the last few years were likely difficult enough as it is, now with the absurdity of war all to regain some imagined past that never existed… I’m not doing a great job of managing my frustration and anxiety.

What can we do? I agree that we should be careful about becoming fixated on the news. “The car goes where your eyes go. The driver who cannot tear his eyes away from the wall as he spins out of control will meet that wall; the driver who looks down the track as he feels his tires break free will regain control of his vehicle.” Taking time to step back and take a breathe from the news in no way means we don’t care. Instead it gives us space to process what were feeling and maybe find ways to look down the track, to the things we can do, vice the wall we fear.

Practicing self-care as Helcat suggest is very important. I think the first step is noticing when one is getting stuck and or fixated on negative emotions and helpless. Noticing one might take a step back, find a friend, get and or give a hug….

As a highly sensitive person I tend to ‘feel’ the emotions of those around me. Sometimes its difficult for me to distinguished between the emotions that are mine and those that belong to others. Meditation and contemplation has help in that regard though today in those quite moments as I setup my boundaries of light its hard not to notice how dark the darkness is that is pushing back. Again I am confronted with the paradox of maintaining a healthy detachment that remains engaged. How easily that has broken down and descended into times of indifference and depression.  Mindfulness helps me to notice and take the steps I can to avoid that pit.

At times like this we can’t help but feel helpless and I wonder if that isn’t the greatest source of our anxiety. We realize how little influence we have while some individuals have far to much influence. Writing that I notice my blood pressure increase and so I take a breath, this is  as it has always been, we play our part.  To focused on what we cannot do does not get anything done. So we do what we can do. Love, pray, give, support, hug, breath… and forgive. (forgiveness does not remove accountability, it detaches the emotions, of hate and anger as the driving force behind holding ourselves and others accountable – not always easy)

Having myself acted on the lies others I fully bought into I can feel compassion for those acting on the lies of Putin. It was compassion that let me out of the fog (did not keep me from being accountable for my failings which was painful). So it is compassion for myself and others as the tool I reach for in these times. So difficult… failing more then I had succeeding, but it is something I can do. Not adding my anger and hate to the situation for others sensitive people to feel.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by Peter.

Thanks for posting Pink

I’m not obsessing, or trying not to, but also find my myself triggered and angry. I just don’t understand why and have no advice as I try to work out my emotions.

Has anyone watched the Game of Thrones? How everyone was so disappointed by the ending. All that scheming, all the wars, all the killing and in the end nothing changed (other the their were a lot less people).    The world was not a better place, peoples lives were not improved…. What was the point?  Of course that may have been the point War is absurd.

One person, one of the wealthiest in the world and this is what he decides to do? For what?   Imagine if the man would have turned his attention on making the lives of his people better instead of robbing them.  I suspect that’s why he hates the Ukraine – they chose independence and the lives of the people were getting better not a good example for the Russian people…

Sorry venting, but sometimes venting helps

Hi HoneyBlossom

How to meditate? I m sure if you search just on this site alone you will find many methods and advice  Better then I could give and each person is different so like all things the first step is to start. There is no wrong way. Actually that is one peace of advice I could offer – try not to label, measure judge… your attempts to meditate as that will most certainly increase the monkey mind – Trying to quite ones inner thoughts can amplify them, the more we try to stop them the more we unintentionally cling to them. The intention is to notice the thoughts and let them pass without attaching to them. (Some might say the intention is to not have any thoughts but that too is a thought and if attached to, well your back to were you started)

There is also contemplation which is similar but a little different then meditation. In contemplation you might find a quite space and contemplate this sadness you experience. This is a heart exercise not a head one, more listening then filling the space with thoughts.  A kind of silent “prayer” that is truly silent. No pleading, no hoping, no if only’s, just a listing to the heart.

I like your Avatar name ‘HoneyBlossom’  Why did you choose it?

If you found a quite space, got comfortable, and breathed in and out those words Honey, Blossom, Honey, Blossom and then sat in contemplative silence for a while , listening, what do you feel?
What does your naming of yourself say about your true self?
Could you bring that feeling with you as you engage with the stuff of life?