‘When the pupil is ready, the Master will appear.’
I have found that when I am open to looking with out looking the books I need find me.

Depending on how you are defining control being in control of one’s mind “all the time” could be closing the door to intuition and inspiration as well as lead to inflation.

Inspiration is one thing and you can’t control it” Kevin Eubanks
“The lips of wisdom are closed, except to the ears of Understanding.” — The Kybalion.

Our relationship to our mothers and fathers are very complex. Part of the path of individuation/becoming requires the coming to terms with our mother and father complexes. This involves recognising your parents as individuals with hopes and fear, failures and successes… as well as repressive of the idea of mother and father – nurturer, protector, teacher, discipline…

As an archetype, the mother points to nurturing, growth and unconditional love (not to be mistaken for unconditional allowing)
When we connect to this archetype energy in a positive way we learn how to nurture and nourish ourselves, we learn how to love ourselves. When we relate to the archetype negatively the mother becomes the “step mother” the negative self talk that we repeat telling ourselves how horrible we are…. Becoming unable to nurture and love ourselves.

Our parents become our first projections of the archetype of mother and father as well as our mother and father. Part of the task of becoming requires that we separate our experience of our mother, as an individual, human, issues of her own and as the ideal we hold of the ‘mother’. Doing so we learn to become our own mother, our own nurturer. You appear to be well into this process

An apology from you mother the individual who failed to provide you the nurture you needed (but also must have succeeded as you seem to have developed the strength to overcome) may or may not help you but in my opinion is dependent on your mother’s personal growth. Sometimes we can only give ourselves what others cannot give us even a apology.

Anyway, you may find the book helpful ‘Shame and Grace Healing the Shame we Don’t Deserve by Lewis B. Smedes.

Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future. Lewis B. Smedes

How to find Real news

I think the difficulty people are having is identifying “real news” is identifying the deference between news, opinion and editorial. To often I think opinion and editorial becomes news overshadowing the actual happening.

Social media which also qualifies as media (though many do not as yet consider social media to be a part of the “Media” that they don’t trust) is almost all opinion. Opinion which then becomes the “news” people talk about including the other news media outlets. So, it gets confusing.

We have to go back to basics: who, what, where, when – why and how – discernment.
Who What where when ought to be easily verifiable while why and how may require greater discernment which can be subjective.
Like predicting the weather the how and why can be difficult to isolate and there are always factors that can’t be seen or known. Consciousness is to limited.

We all, the reader and reporter (news source) have our own biases, shadows, and projections. It is each of our responsibility to discern our own bias and projections which will help us discern the bias and or projections in the information we take in.

It is important to remember that bias does not make a story less “real”. Bias does not negate facts (what, where, when, who) which are verifiable. Today I think many use the label of bias as a reason to discount a story and even the idea of truth and in doing only justify their own bias.

We live in the information age but the life skill of discernment has not kept pace. Discernment requires a great deal of self knowledge. Before identifying “real news” we need to understand and identify the filters through which we experience the world through.

But now i think i should be the person i seek( i should be the Love i seek:) )

Love that!

What comes first the chicken or the egg?
Do our thoughts and angst create the imbalance or does the imbalance create the thoughts?

Like the serpent Ouroboros that devolves its own tail… mind, body, soul become codependent feeding off of each other.

So with regards to the question Mental or Emotional Prison? Both but its complex

In the hermetic teaching there is a riddle – as above so below, as below so above.
We are influenced and we are influenced. We are fated and we have free will. Free will is just more difficult to exercise.

The reality is that for most people the outer world influences them more than they are able to influence the outer world. Most people live the stories the outer world has written for them and forget how to participate and write their own story. .

As above so below, the outer world influences the story you live.
As below so above, the inner authentic self participates in the writing of the story you live

It’s complex and simple as this kind of story creating requires learning the art of doing by not doing. One enters the present moment perhaps with intention and then lets the moment unfold.

As Yoda said there is no try only do

If you watched the Dog whisperer Ceaser describes it as leaning to become ‘calm assertive’.

Calm and assertive sounds like a contradiction but it’s not. You can be assertive/clear in your intention of what you are aiming at while remaining calm.

To train a ‘dog’ (our thoughts and feeling that have become instinctual) one needs to set boundaries so that we notice where we are and what we are aiming at, set our intentions firm and clear and then calmly let the intention unfold.

The challenge is setting our boundaries and knowing what it is that we want and actually aiming at let alone not trying to control and manipulate the how the moment unfolds.

I firmly believe that we create what we fear so having anxiety issues is going to make discernment difficult. The car goes where the eyes go. Staying focused on the anxiety and that is what you will see.

Your statement about Not having the feeling of wanting to rip his clothes off, reminded me of a song by Collin ray

“Not That Different”

She said we’re much too different
We’re from two separate worlds
And he admitted she was partly right
But in his heart’s defense he told her
What they had in common
Was strong enough to bond them for life
He said look behind your own soul
And the person that you’ll see
Just might remind you of me

I laugh, I love, I hope, I try
I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry
And I know you do the same things, too
So we’re really not that different, me and you

She could hardly argue
With his pure and simple logic
But logic never could convince a heart
She had always dreamed of loving someone more exotic
And he just didn’t seem to fit the part
So she searched for greener pastures
But never could forget
What he whispered when she left

I laugh, I love, I hope, I try
I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry
And I know you do the same things, too
So we’re really not that different, me and you

Was it time or was it truth
Maybe both lead her back to his door
As her tears fell at his feet
She didn’t say “I love you”
What she said meant even more

I laugh, I love, I hope, I try
I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry
And I know you do the same things, too
So we’re really not that different, me and you

The difficult portion is for its practical application, and which is why so many people end up frustrated on what to do for finding a life partner.

Yes, my question is only specific to a personal relationship with another person hence the wordings in my post which started the thread – “How to find a soulmate, a life partner?”

Watched the movie ‘Collateral Beauty’ over the weekend. It was interesting how the philosophy, theology, apologetics, platitudes about Death, Time and Love do not comfort in the times of anguish. For myself I would have wrote the letters to Life and Love but I suppose that Life would have been played by the same character as Death, probably, Love as well. They are all part of each other.

Anyway your right understanding and even experiencing Love at a universal level does not at first glance help the practical application in a personal relationship. Understanding is not wisdom

I do however feel that understanding love at the higher levels creates space in which we might respond to love as a practical application of a personal relationship.

I start from the premises that each of us is the meaning of our life and so our task is in becoming and that Relationships are the crucible in which we discover ourselves and become.

So what does this mean at a practical level?

Psychologically by the age of 5 by nature, nurture, karma, sins of the “father” (however you want to identity it) how we are going to experience relationship is pretty much set and we will spend the rest of our lives working on healing.

What this means is that we will set up and replay scenarios in our relationship, usually unconsciously, so that we can work through them and doing so heal. As in all things the possibility for growth or getting stuck exists.

In a healthy relationship each helps the other work through there scenarios, become more conscious, and end the loop. (The show ‘This is Us’ shows how this is done).

In relationships that become co-dependent instead of working through the scenarios the scenarios remain unconscious and so feed of each other and the couple become stuck. In such cases Love often requires the pain of a relationship ending to push the process forward.

Love/Life always pushes upward to the light. Though it is painful it is still love.

This is just my opinion. Life will put into your path people who through relationship will push you to become as you are ready. By ready I mean open to seeing and letting Life/Love happen. We work for that which no work is required. It might sound easy enough but being open to being loved as we are is very difficult. It is easier to give then to receive.

Understanding and respecting the many experiences of Love as it is, Life as it is, while in relationship you create space to respond instead of react to the lessons you need to learn and heal the hurt and transcend karma. In this space you learn to pull back projections, recognize your shadow, and in doing so learn to see and love the other and yourself as they and you are.

When you and your partner participate in the process of growth and becoming I think is when you discover you are in relationship with a soul mate.

‘Fish don’t know they’re in water’ likewise Humanity don’t know they’re in ‘love’

Love has many leaves and so experienced in many ways. I suspect one of the lessons of becoming is to discover that love exists in all of our experiences even those that are painful. Sometimes I wonder if setting up a goal like finding love is what keeps us from finding it. We become seekers lost in the seeking failing to see the water we are swimming in, failing to become finders.

How to find Love? Be open to seeing with eyes anew.

Perhaps rephrasing our question might help?

What you seem to be looking for is the experience of a journey of love within a personal relationship with another individual.

How do experience Love in relationship? Be open to seeing yourself and the other with eyes anew. Be open to experiencing love in all is simplicities and complexities.