Hi Anita & Michelle, I have blocked him on everything and now he has not tried to contact me for one month and I assume he would never reach me and that too hurts me a lot. I still cant believe what he did to me and he moved out so fast while im still struggling.

I feel so depressed and isolated even at work. After we broke up he has told all his  friends that he had done a big mistake to me by dumping me and I feel bad to even face them. Coming to work is like a nightmare for me but I have no choice coz it’s kind of difficult for me to move to another place.

Im suffering with depression and what’s your opinion on taking anti depression medications? I want to come out of this mess fast coz it’s so painful and im still unable to make up my mind and im still hurt for what he did to me and how he treated me.

Risha

Hi Anita, How are you? Its been sometime since I came online. I hope you remember me? unfortunately I haven’t still got over my issue and am still badly hurt.

Last time that I wrote to you he was bothering me by calling me and in December end he has sent a message to my sister blaming me and have told that I have contacts with some married people and that’s why his parents didn’t like me, Also he has mentioned that he lied to me about having a new girlfriend and he didn’t like the way I was reacting. I was so sad and worried to hear all these stuff from my family. So my sis has immediately called him and scolded him saying not to bother me again and not to tarnish my character. she has told him knowing her for 7 good years and at the last minute how could you accuse her with such things. But she has spoken to him very badly coz she was so hurt for all what I had to go thru.

My sis is very tough and I can imagine how rude she would have been. so I called him after couple of days and asked him why he did that to me and he said he wanted to protect me. I was so annoyed and I told him not to bother me again and I asked him about what he told my sis that he was lying about the other girl. Then he told me after my sis spoke he took the decision of getting married to her but I already told him that I still love him but he said sorry you’re sis was so rude and I really don’t wanna work things out. So again he basically blamed me and my family. from the other side I saw him posting pics with that girls family and all his family members are in her profile and they are together. I was so sad. he has gone too far with her and tells my sister that its a lie by blaming me and tells me that he will marry her bcoz my family was rude to him.

he’s twisting the stories here and there so I warned him not to bother me ever again and after that I sent him a email also. Then he replied me saying he doesn’t understand English and to explain it to him word by word in his mother tongue. I was so hurt to receive such respond but didn’t write him back. Thereafter its been one month he has not tried to get in touch with me.

I know I wanted him to stop bothering me but deep down my heart im so sad and hurt when he’s quiet too. I know hes not gonna come back to me ever and I should face the reality but I don’t know how to move on I feel lonely and I miss him badly.

coming to work is like killing me. I use to cry everyday at work and I  finally dicided to get some help from a therapist coz I knew I was depressed. The therapist was very kind and she was sad for the time I have wasted in this relationship and also she was not happy that I have taken a very long time for grieving since last September. Since she wants me to come out of this mess fast she has prescribed me some anti depression medication but im not very happy to take it. However I feel very low and sometimes feel like taking it coz I want t live my normal life.

Nobody knows that I consulted a therapist and im not gonna tell any of my family or friends

I know Anita he has mentally drained me. I really cant believe if I loved such a confused person. But he never liked me mingling or hanging out with anyone. He always caged me saying this and that and proving that he was protecting me.

I’m totally tired of everything. I really don’t think I could trust someone ever again coz this relationship has disappointed me in many ways. I have to come to point where I don’t understand the meaning of Love and trust.

when you are “very hurt”, feeling “worthless  and lost”, you are  giving  an insane  man the power to  determine  your worth – I know Anita I don’t know why am I affected by his unrealistic statements. But he always does this to me.

I hope after the message I sent him last night he wouldn’t bother me ever again. I hope he realized the pain I was going through.

Risha

Hi Anita and Michelle,

I so wish if I could come out of this mess soon. Yes I have deleted and blocked him from everything but once in way he rings my extension but I ignore and sometimes he comes to my office entrance in the evenings..looks at me and goes away.

He has moved very fast with her  and I saw his family looking very happy in those pics that he shared. I think he is expecting a lot from me.  He wants my blessings in all what he does. Whatever he does he wants me to accept and smile.

It has been a practice for me to cry at least once a day coz whenever I think I feel down. So I am trying my best to forget him.

Anyways thank you so much for your kindness Anita and Michelle…really appreciate it. I will keep you posted as how I feel in few days. Until then take care of yourselves and hugs to both of you.

Risha

Yes Anita now i kind of realized that i didnt give priority of my needs instead i was thinking about everyone else. Since his mother let me down about my age. I thought i was not good enough for him. I thought he can find someone better. Then i thought about him losing his parents bcoz of me. So i thought its unfair for him in everyway. So thats why i always wanted him to somehow convince them so that he too can be happy. But i dont know wether he did that or not though he said he tried his best.

I know i had a chance to make him mine but it slipped thru my fingers bcoz i have been thinking about others and not myself. So everything went against me and finally I ended up getting hurt. But he shouldnt have cheated me with another girl..what he did to me was unfair.

But i have to tell u that his changes are very sudden and after he left me his behaviour and lifestyle everything has changed. I see him as a total stranger not the person whom i knew for years.

Even today he called me as always and while i was out waiting for my transport to get home. I saw him entering at our main gate and waiting in our car park looking at me and after 5 min he left passing me.

Hes acting very strange. If he has moved out with another person why bother to come over to see me. When i came home i saw him gone for a movie (he has updated his status). Everything is seems to me like a jigsaw puzzle.

But no matter what i know that he has gone out of my life. I just cant accept the fact that hes gone. It hurts a lot. And he still calling me, coming to see me, then emailing asking to marry someone else these things makes me difficult to move on.

I know enough i thought about others its time i do something to myself. I just hate myself and i hate him too for all what happened.

Risha

Hi Anita & B,

His email says that I never showed that I love him and I wanted him. If didn’t how can I be in a relationship for so long. I actually always told him that I need a solution and to get his parents permission  or tell them that you’re going to marry me and walk out. He refused to do it instead he said he can marry me without telling them. In case if they get to know later on then lets see and I was not happy with that bcoz knowing him he might blame thereafter that he lost his parents because of me and  I know how much he is attached to his family so I didn’t want to separate him from them. I always thought from his side. Eventhough I  wanted him badly still I told him to leave me and move on which he never did so we continued this for 7 years and thereafter I didn’t mind bcoz  I thought he will be there for me always. And i trusted him blindly bcoz he always made me believe that he would never leave me. But time to time I argued saying lets take a break and see how things moves on but he never stayed away from me. So i think i was over confident assuming he would be there with me forever.

So now he’s blaming me saying I’m the one who asked him to move on and when he that now I am blaming him. I am so hurt he knows the reason why I asked him to stay away that doesn’t mean he had to cheat me right? I mean if this was a proposal I would have understood or if we weren’t together and he had found someone still I would have tolerated it but what he did was while staying with me he has been chatting and moving with her and then he introduced her to his parents, checked the horoscopes and when everything was finalized he decided to tell me. That hurts me a lot.

At least he could have told me about her before he introduced her to his parents. after everything is done he says he cant change his decision. then why was i with him for so long? so many fake promises. when i wanted to leave when his mother scolded me he didn’t let me go. As B said when his time came he decided to move out by hurting me and after all the sacrifice i did to him he used as a weapon to move on.

I wasted my time and life even without considering my age and my family. I stayed with him at all his good and bad times.

but he couldn’t consider my last request he couldn’t do any justice for me. He walked out saying he cant change the decision now and told me to marry someone else.

I mean yes i guess he has been controlling my life in this entire relationship. Even after he left he sends me emails asking me to get settled soon and marry someone soon. Also he keeps sending stuff mentioning that he’s gone and its bcoz i pushed him away and that he’s gone now. I mean does he really have to keep reminding me that he’s gone? then again he blames me saying i have contacts with his friends.

I seriously don’t know what to do. this entire relationship has been very painful and even after he’s gone its still painful. I guess now what he wants is for me marry someone so that he can move on peacefully but I’m not a person who can do that coz it will take me a long time to even think of someone else. But in my case i have no time to even waste.

So I’m very frustrated. Sometimes I really feel if it was my mistake to even tell him to leave me and move on. did i give him that space coz he keeps blaming me that its my fault. I still do love him but i cannot do anything about it coz he keeps reminding me that he’s gone and presurising me to marry someone else. So this proves that he doesn’t want me in his life and it hurts a lot.

Risha

Hi Anita,

He continues to call me even today and he forwarded a random email about a property stating ‘FYI – If you’re  interested’

I just can’t believe how could he just be so normal and email something like that. He is pretending as if nothing happened between us. I mean I am so hurt for his behavior. After sending that email he still kept on calling me.

I was wondering rather than getting someone else involved…if I should write to him or send a voice note asking him to stop contacting me and that I’m not interested to entertain his drama?

I actually don’t want to pick up the phone and talk to him. I really don’t want to hear his voice and his pathetic stories. I just want to tell what I want to tell so that he gets the hint that no matter what he does I will not pick the phone. At least he will realize that and stop calling me.

Im a bit confused if I’m to do this by myself or not. what are your thoughts?

Dear Brandy,

‘The more you hurt, the more satisfied he becomes’ – I’m very confused by this bcoz on 5th of Oct was the last day that I spoke to him later that day  he dropped me a email asking me to forgive him and to find someone who is suitable for myself and he’s waiting to see my happiness and he’s going out of my life forever –  I didn’t respond instead I blocked him from my phone.

Then after two days he messaged me on fb accusing me for having contacts with his friends (which I never did) and from that day till today he has been calling me this way on my office number.

So I’m confused of what he wants from me. does he want me to be happy or does he want me to suffer. if he wishes me to be happy I can understand coz since he did a mistake he wants me to be happy. but why does he want me not to move on now that he has someone else in his life and he decided to move…why not me?  what’s his problem.

I don’t understand his theory. He’s such a mess.

Risha