Forum Replies Created
December 9, 2015 at 4:24 pm #89322
P.s. Jennifer – relate on so many levels! My Mum is highly anxious and has always worried what others think of her and whenever we have people round it’s always so stressful as if 50 were coming round when there were only 5! She has also always strived to please others and I think I have absorbed that too, I suppose it’s not always what we say verbally is it that gets absorbed by children…December 9, 2015 at 4:19 pm #89321
This is really interesting everyone, thanks for sharing. It would be so interesting to have a day in the life of someone with siblings or without, don’t you think?
A psychologist once said to be that the psychological purpose of siblings is to ‘toughen you up’ which I suppose might explain in my case why I am so sensitive and try to be responsible for everyone (including my parents’ happiness). I have such guilt for even saying I struggle with being an only child because obviously I had all the love and care and limelight I needed, but I think that in itself is a problem because you can never escape the attention.
It’s just interesting how different people turn out. I recently met a guy who is an only child and he loved it, was totally confident and grounded.December 9, 2015 at 4:15 pm #89320
It’s really interesting to read your post. What I wonder is if it would really be good for you to be on your own and not in a relationship. I know we can’t help when we meet someone we like, but to have been with someone for 3 years, a heavy and hurtful break-up and then get together with someone a month later is pretty quick (this isn’t meaning to sound judgemental), but maybe you need some space to grow and develop and be your own person without being a girlfriend to someone else. However, it does sound like this guy might be what you need in terms of being grounded and giving you some space.
21 is such an amazing age and so young! I am now 30 and if I had any advice for my 21 year old self it would be to let go more and enjoy my youth (believe me, I suffered and still do with anxiety and depression), and now I wish I could have enjoyed the flow of things more and let go of the control.
This is a time in your life where you are defining who you are – so try to loosen your grip on the reigns and don’t go planning too much! I used to plan way too much. Try and be in the present as much as you can.
I wish you all the best XDecember 6, 2015 at 4:29 am #88997
Thanks ladies, thank you for your compassionate replies.
Anita – yes as mentioned above I am seeing a therapist, but not feeling it’s helping yet, she is working with’traumatic’ memories from the past as opposed to dealing directly with the trauma of loss of my religion which makes me question the usefulness of it.
In regards to doing nothing (taking baby steps) the issue is I now find myself back at my parents’ in the middle
Of the countryside which is an isolated place to be and not the best for my state of mind, so doing nothing doesn’t feel like the best course of action either. I do try to meditate but no clear answer domes through, just conflicting ideas and contradictions.October 6, 2015 at 7:50 am #84816
Thanks so much Mike, that’s a really compassionate reply. It’s great for someone to ‘get it’.October 6, 2015 at 12:54 am #84807
I appreciate everyone’s posts, but With all due respect, my post wasn’t to invite religious debate, I’ve experienced enough of that in my life.
Anita, your words were most helpful to me, reminding myself to be kind to myself as I transition through this massive change, which makes me feel like I’m going mad.October 4, 2015 at 5:41 am #84676
I also think, it would make my life easier if I didn’t believe in ‘cosmic’ things as you put it, or the soul or anything like that and just believed in chemical imbalances, then maybe I would stop overanalysing what has happened or what I am feeling and take tablets and move on.October 4, 2015 at 5:40 am #84675
Thanks, Inky. I found a book online written by a psychotherapist who herself was a strong Christian until her 30s…she has called it Religious Trauma Syndrome. The problem is, I read things online or listen to things by speakers such as Abraham Hicks or Byron Katie and then I begin thinking well all I need to do is choose positive thoughts…then that leads to guilt and even more despair. I got offered anti-depressants a few months back but have resisted taking them.
I feel like I am holding things together by a thread. I feel such shame, I have so many surface reasons to feel happy, but inside is deep emptiness and anger that I can’t ‘fix things’…November 27, 2014 at 1:13 pm #68466
I am commenting on your post because I am also 29 and just posted something myself on being lost! Yet feeling passionate and wanting to do so much yet feeling stuck the whole time!
Having recently recovered from chronic illness which I endured for 4 years, I just keep thinking to myself that it can’t have been for nothing, I mean sure I have learnt a lot, but I am convinced it’s happened to help others in some way. I was also a super passionate, devoted christian and I gave that up about 6 months ago, which has been completely earth-shattering. Anyway, the reason I am writing this is to say, tell your story…I mean, if writing is your passion and you have had such a big journey, tell people about it. It doesn’t matter if you sound sad, just be real, tell people and inspire people with how you’ve moved on and what you have learnt. Even if right now you feel down and stuck, remember where you have come from and all that you have achieved.
Maybe real estate isn’t for you! That’s ok! Have you considered training in other things? Maybe counselling? Or creative writing? Training as a meditation coach? I am guilty of going through a list of ‘shoulds’ in my head because I am nearing 30 and I don’t want the corporate office thing, but that’s ok….who ever said that was the ‘right’ thing anyway!?!
With love xxNovember 27, 2014 at 1:02 pm #68465
Also, to add, it’s like I feel so old at 29…like I should know who I am and what I want to do and all I keep thinking about is regret, how I wish I could change my past years, how I wish I had let myself be more free and happy, but the thing is, I’m not doing that NOW!August 16, 2014 at 2:02 am #63501
Thanks all for your posts! You’re all lovely people. You have spoken of things I have already thought and have encouraged me. I realize I am just not ready to live with someone, let alone HIM, even though I love him, right now I am rediscovering who I am aged 29, without christianity defining me any more and so the reason I am in such turmoil is I feel the need to be alone, but if I end it with my boyfriend, that will really be it, the end. For 6 years it was on and off because of distance and jobs and different countries and my faith etc and so this time it was to really commit and go for it…but I am just not serene within. I feel like there’s a monkey on my shoulder constantly throwing me doubts and questions and meaning I can’t just enjoy each moment.
However, I spoke to my boyfriend last night and I realize a change needs to be made. Even though it’s a financial risk because I don’t have a steady job etc I want a place of my own, my things, my bolt hole and he needs his space too, we are both super independent people and me also being an only child means we both need space. I feel in that way I will feel I have done everything to allow the relationship to blossom and work because I think each person needs to be happy first and the thing is that right now here I have stepped into his world and haven’t yet created mine which I love. I keep thinking “just go back home, go back to the UK” (i am english), because I am missing dear friends and family, but I am also not sure running away is the answer…But I also don’t want to keep pushing myself, you know being unhappy but forcing myself to stay. It’s all a bit of a muddle! But Apothic, I would say to you, create a life you love independent of your relationship, that’s what I am realizing is necessary because that’s the way a relationship will thrive. Also, it’s necessary to avoid any feelings of resentment…you know if it doesn’t work out or even day to day, it’s not healthy to be blaming the other person, after all we are responsible for our happiness and well-being…August 15, 2014 at 3:29 am #63420
Matt you always seem to hit the nail on the head in a lovely eloquent way!August 1, 2014 at 12:43 am #62386
Thanks Inky and Matt…Inky I’m not all that young…29! 😉
Matt you are spot on with the putting down roots and being here for myself not just the relationship…I suppose I am not even sure of what i want and that’s the problem, it was the problem before too. Because of me being a Christian and him not, I used to feel such guilt about us being together and we broke up numerous times because of the faith issue because I felt so darn guilty. This time around for the first time in my life I just said ‘screw it!’ I’m just going to go and be with him…but it does feel strange.
I just don’t know if I should admit that the relationship just isn’t right because otherwise I wouldn’t be having these doubts?..I get extremely anxious and feel so guilty for having doubts feeling like I’m lying or something. I do wonder whether being on my own is best, doing what I want and not having these doubts and uncertainties. A couple of months ago when I kind of had an epiphany moment of wanting to totally change my belief system I read “The power of now” by Tolle and it all made sense, I felt I was awake and able to do the things he suggested, I felt so happy and alive. Since getting back with my boyfriend and coming back to be with him it’s like my mind is running the show 24/7 but I just can’t put my finger on the exact issue to know if it’s the relationship or all the changes and yes, moving into his tiny place where there’s no room for my stuff etc so I don’t feel settled.
Thanks guys xJuly 31, 2014 at 1:36 am #62296
I suffered for 4 years with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/M.E. I have recently recovered (am still recovering). I am not assuming you have this illness, but don’t let the doctors believe it’s “in your head”. There are many factors which contribute and act as a trigger to CFS such as Glandular fever (Mononucleosis) in American English. I recommend a brilliant book called From Fatigued to Fantastic which covers topics such as sleep, vitamins and complementary therapies. Don’t give up hope, and don’t worry, you will recover, but you need to adapt your lifestyle and slow down, rest more and say no to things!