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hi matt… i just downloaded sharon salzburg guided metta…. listening with my ear phones, i fell into a deep sleep…(i just came home from work..) but i like it.. shall do it regularly, probably before i go to sleep.. thank you..
thank you everyone for your posts..
matt, i really can’t help but marvel at the compassion i read in your words.. i have no words to describe how thankful i felt while reading those lines.. my eyes filled with tears, i felt grace, empathy flowing towards me in your reply.. (i felt like i am in front of a big blue ocean..) you clearly understood my problem more than myself.. as you said, yes.. i keep thinking about the past, future., make my present droop with their weight.. i can see a way out like you said, by being gentle, and actually resting.. i did try meditating..(meditation for me used to be to concentrate on my breath or chanting a simple word for sometime) but again thoughts like – “i am supposed to be going out to run errands, seeing that patient there, studying this,before tomorrow’s class and what on earth am i doing sitting here closing my eyes here..” would come, i would give up..and yes, m kind of a restless person, it is difficult for me to stay in one place for more than few minutes (as if my running here and there would change my life). i even tried to go on long walks.. but that takes more time than meditation and i cant afford that everyday..
i listened to metta meditation online, got confused which one to choose, but shall download anyone of them.. also, i want to know what would be the minimum required time to start meditation? i will try to meditate before i sleep everyday..
thank you sean and purpose for your kind words.. i do keep an online journal which i write irregularly, that helps when i am feeling very exhausted or anxious..
i wish all my friends here on tiny buddha community a happy, merry christmas filled with joy and love.
hi mary… i spend the sundays feeling the same way.. so, was reading this post.. i wanted to post these lines..
this world is soo diverse. sometimes, we feel so lonely in this big, vast, overcrowded world. sometimes we long to fill just THAT ONE PERSON’S whole world and wish to complete ours with them. either way, we are missing that someone else, who is someone other than ourselves.. when we have ourself all for ourselves, why can’t we appreciate the uninterrupted communion??(i ask myself this so many times but never get a valid answer..)
small town… big town.. when feeling lonely, nothing matters.. but, once we are comfortable being on our own, we find happiness and contentment and that makes our world.. what matters equally will be how happy and comfortable we are, having THOSE people around us… best of luck in your job hunt… i wish you get to work in a great place and have loads of friends and fun..
@sveena, i am sorry for your pain..
just a thought, if your friend really likes you, he can choose to talk to his parents, the other girl and her family about you, your relationship and explain how happy he would be if he marries you and spends his life with you and how unhappy if he would be if he has to marry someone else(that would make the other girl unhappy too, if she comes to know that his heart was with someone else..). i am an Indian too, i don’t have anything against arranged marriages, i understand the drama that happens in Indian families around marriage which defeats the main purpose of getting married and living happily after… but, this would be what people in love would do sometimes – to tell and explain to their families about their love till they consent. you can tell your friend that may be he need not choose between his family and you, both of you are not opponents or contestants to win him; he can choose to speak up(and he has to do that right now) and can still have both you and his parents in his life without hurting each other. he only would have to work a little bit more harder to make things work..
best of luck for your love, happiness…
hi sapna.. glad your vacation to ireland made you feel good… about what you wrote above.. i would like to suggest these few words.. i think you should make your decision without involving him in this..what i mean to say is.. if you would go to dublin and enroll for the course even if you did not met him or became friends with him…, then go for it.. do what you would if he did not come into your life at this time.. but please think for one more time if you are considering to go to another country just because you have one familiar person in that place.
Also,if i may say this.. i also feel like you are yet to let go of few things your previous relationship.. and are yet to move on.. it really hurts when we invest our love and heart in someone and it fails.. it also leaves an empty space inside, which urges and demands to be filled with some other person/ relation/ attachment.. but dear, please know that this happens with everyone, and every time one has a breakup. Best thing to do is to fill it, fill the empty space with love – self love. love yourself more, let yourself know that your love for self has no boundaries.. once you are content, happy, then, invite new relationships into your life.. because then, you will not be scared of whether things would work or not.. till then, take care of yourself with grace, and love..enjoy life, one day at a time..
If you have all the resources such as finance, safety, facilities to stay in that new place(or any other place), and you think having that degree would add up to your life than your current position in US, do go, get it…. hope this would be of some help, i wish you all the best!!
p.s: i shall say, both of these are not similar at all.. but,i used to have a crush (big, deep, solid crush..) on a person (he was my senior in college, never once looked at me/ spoke to me in 4 years) and just because of him, i loved that place for everything it is.. five years later, i still have that crush, i still feel butterflies and hear music in the air when i think of him.. and i still love that place, i yearn to go there once before i become old… just because he stays there!! – i just remembered everything when i was reading your words..:)
November 13, 2013 at 9:48 pm in reply to: How do I help my partner. He has swtiched off from me #45288
- This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by sia. Reason: paragraph marking,punctuation
hi namritha… i think you can tell him or text him or email him..(communicate..) that you did not mean to talk in that rude way… all you wanted is his attention (or love..), and those things just came out of your mouth before you knew it.. and ask him to forgive, say sorry for the bad words…(if all this is true..) let him know how much important he is and how much u value your relationship… also let him know if there are any other aspects in your life such a job/ education, etc which make you unhappy and drained.. and made u say those words..
also, you would not know what he was facing at the time you called and said those things… it might be (might be…) that he himself was under a lot of stress and when he found that u, his very important person is not understanding him, he thought it is better to stay silent..
in a relationship, honesty, truth and communication go a very long way.. these things enhance trust, understanding..
so, it is always better to communicate.. let the other person know what u are going through.. your man might open up and tell u his side of story too..
really hope that this helps…
best of luck to u..
hi bodhisatva and sapnap3, i think about this too…not only me, many of my friends and family members think of this….
@bodhisatva, when we get hurt in any relationship/ acquintance, it does not always mean that we did something bad to deserve such people….. people/ things happen to us so that we learn what we are supposed to learn and become a better person/ move towards our destiny… human brain is so programmed that always, our brain understands, correlates and then registers things and their consequences in our minds for recall later in time… thats how we become what we are and why we do things the way we do… life is a learning experience, each moment that happens teaches something..may be those people came to u to teach u something… learn it and be grateful….u can choose to let go with grace… and be prepared for the next happening..
@Sapnap3, i think we do not know exactly whether others are getting everything what they want… for example, as i m not that person, i may not have a clue about what he/she very badly and desperately want in life… let alone whether they are getting it or not… but, mean and dishonest people, i have seen – can PRETEND that they have it all… just to fool others….
andabout getting the punch sooner and earlier(you can add other words like stronger/ harder too), i experienced the same thing.. soo many times… so, i made up two hypotheses (to satisfy my own whining about it).. 1) may be i am more spiritually inclined than others, so i observe/ watch for it and always find my own deeds being redone to me.. also, i must say there is this apprehension/ guilt that i keep watching for the next bad thing to happen to me when i mess up… 2)may be God really really loves me more that he never even blinks while watching me… every action that i make – good/ bad, always has a reaction – equal and opposite/not..:)
recently i also noticed that rather than what happens to others, and what others do to us, what we do to ourselves matters most….(i dont know whether this even makes any sense)
good luck to both of you inquistives… have a bright, sunny, nice day..
OMG… i didn’t know i typed such a long post…. it was smaller when i was typing… sorry for the length and for “bad english”..
keep smilng, be happy.. always..
hi sapna… sorry that you are feeling sad…but, you will do great… i read about ireland… its a very beautiful place…. please don’t think it hurts that you are doing everything alone.. it is really very courageous of you to do it… all by yourself? you must be really very brave…
about enjoying your trip and healing…..
1. if you believe in meditating, do it everyday… and do it with a beautiful smile on your face…( even if you think you are going to sprain your face…. it will help you get some solace…..) 🙂
2. and…. try to shift your focus from what your heart is feeling at that moment to the things around you… may be how everything just keeps going at its own pace..no matter how you are feeling and what your are doing(or not doing)…
3. and if it helps, keep focusing on your breath… the way air touches your nostrils as you inhale and exhale…. try this when you feel sad… and also when you are scared… happy… content… focusing on our breath actually calms our mind…
4. if possible make some friends who can go with you…. known or unknown to us, having someone along with us makes us happy… but make sure you are safe…
p.s: my daddy says, “empty mind is a devil’s workshop” give it some work and it wont bother you much…..
enjoy your trip… hope this helps…
@matt, thank you for the insight…. you are right… by thinking more and more about what is correct and what is wrong on his part and on my part, i am the one who is getting hurt.. he does not feel a thing.. also, i have a life to live… i m trying to let go… may be it takes some more time… thank you very much…
matt, i have a doubt… what is the best way to come out of the dissatisfaction about others being insensitive( or ungrateful) when we do something good to them? i don’t help every person i meet… but i helped my own colleague who is a friend( good friend) in so many ways like i helped him get a job, sat with him for 4 complete days so that his research work for our training is finished properly, infact, i was the one who got him into this training program, he was only an acquaintance till then… i did everything because i received help from some very good people when i was looking for opportunities… ( that is to join in this training course., and this job)… and i wanted to help someone so that it is carried on to others…. after joining this new job, he has changed… he doesn’t talk to me like before or like my friend.. constantly he was making me look like a laughing stock, talking sarcastically whenever i talk to him… he was not like this until his work is done… why it hurts badly is we are really good friends since 4 years… i was really hurt and so,i stopped talking to him totally…. he never asked me why i stopped talking to him, or he never said sorry for his behavior… in this new office he behaves as if i m some wall or may be i don’t exist… it hurts sooo badly.. although i know its all my own thinking.. and what i am is not going to change because of the way he treats me, i feel bad all the time… past 2 weeks,i feel numb… and m becoming really forgetful(m always soo pre occupied.. but with what?i have no idea…) how to get out of this? i have my exam next week…. m anxious as i cant recollect anything that i studied in the past one whole year…. everything is just blank… and mute… i shall post this in a new forum if this should not be posted here….
@matt, as you always give great advice to everyone on this blog, can you please tell me about a way to get out of this?
hi., happy birthday in advance…. just a suggestion…. you can spend(celebrate) your birthday with someone to whom you are close to right now….(colleague from work/ college; friend, etc..) or you can do something kind towards someone whom you don’t know till now… who needs it.. like may be animals in a shelter, children/ elderly in …. if you enquire in your neighbourhood,there will certainly be someone who would readily appreciate this… or you can make someone in your own inner circle(i mean family and close friends… to be safe) happy just by being with them….. i think doing something good for this world and our fellow beings on your birthday would be more better and joyful than remembering previous days, or just sitting and meditating… i believe.. when you do something good selflessly( i mean without expecting any return), that happiness and contentment you receive cannot be obtained by any meditation or relationship…
my birthday is coming this week too… m single…. have always been that way… so yes, i may not exactly understand how u r feeling now… but i guess i can emphathize…
p.s: happy birthday once again…. be happy… always…
just saying…..this might not be true….
1. judgement comes earlier than learning because to learn, you should understand your judgement,register it in your mind and then recall it and then reinforce it in your behavior (or your way of thinking..).
2. It is easy to change our judgements.. but once you learn something in a certain way,it is difficult to unlearn it……(that’s how our brain works)
3. Being judgemental about everything is not all bad, acting towards someone merely basing on our judgement is…. and to learn something from every new thing we come across is not good always… we can only learn things which we judge as usefu/ appealing to us….ex: if u go to a concert/listen to great music, you can instantly judge whether it is great music or not.. but you wont feel like learning music until you judge that it can be useful for you..
m really sorry if i got you more confused than before….
@ tamara,i used to feel exactly the same way you do now in the past, not just once but many times…….. crazy like happiness when we don’t even feel like caring why it is there… and just like u say, watching even a cloud or just a breeze touching my face…. and i just cant stop smiling..inside myself…. i used to wonder if i am psychotic…( m a physician)but when i had the same feeling again and again,i inferred that many people in their life do feel this way… and i didn’t ask any of my friends if they ever feel this same way.. so, now, i have someone else having the same thing too… enjoy ,savour this time…. and remember this feeling if u feel down ever again in life (like W. wordsworth says in his poem – daffodils) and u will be cheerful again.. 🙂