Anita,

Your analysis is quite accurate.

The main reason why I am studying at SKY is I understand that If I want to marry “someone” – I myself have to be “someone” as well.

I need to support my future husband well, and without a good brain – it is going to be hard.

You are not familiar with the Korean education system but being in the Student Council and majoring in Business at one of SKY Universities, your path to become a president is pretty much open, literally.

If not a president, then an assembly member in the government body 0r at least an important CEOs of Korean companies such as Samsung.

I believe that Gyunnie will become someone very important in the future, with or without his parents pressure, he is a brilliant person.

Our university lost one of their brightest student when he dropped out.

Imagine being a wife of someone like that. I have to prepare myself the basic things in order to survive.

I have to protect and support my husband as well.

I have to look presentable at all times and I have to be well educated. It is very important.

I do not want to be a cliche trophy wife.

I would actually love and take care of my husband and my kids.

-Mina

 

 

• This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Mina.

Anita,

Thank you for the feedback on my last 2 reply.

I respect all of your opinions.

I understand that it is indeed possible, to live like that.

But as you have mentioned, it is almost impossible to the point we call it a “fantasy”

-Mina

A world where I do not have anyones expectations on me.

A world where we can both be “losers” but are still happy.

A world where our love can be just the reason and the solution to life.

A world where we can make decisions without thinking about what our parents or family have to say about it.

A world where we can be ourselves.

I imagine this every single day, this beautiful that fantasy that probably will only stay as a fantasy.

I cannot help but to think about how unfair this is.

Two people that loves each other but cannot be with each other?

Why? Why? Why?

I was a very religious Catholic before the break up. I know that this website is a Buddhist website, but I know that everyone here are so nice and does not care about my religion.

I am losing my Catholic faith very slowly but surely.

I tried reaching out for help to several people regarding my faith, but I feel like it is not really working.

I understand that God loves me very much, and He wants the best for me but it is so hard to see His plan beyond this sad relationship that had to end due to all those things.

That is why I am mad at God, but at the same time – my heart still cried out to him to help me.

To help me stays alive, help me see things beyond him, or maybe let us be with each other somehow if He cannot do that.

My life right now has no direction. No hope. No light.

I am just holding on.

I have to.

-Mina

 

 

 

Anita,

Thanks for the feedback for yesterday`s letter.

I think I should make it clearer that what I have wrote above is only an example.

The picture that Gyunnie uploaded was not something that he made by himself.

It was just a regular picture taken from the internet being used by some Koreans when Thanksgiving day is coming, maybe since there are cultural differences between us, it is very common here in Korea and any East Asia culture that once you meet your family – you can ask things like weight, college, marriage, dating, or jobs. It is a part of our culture and it is considered NORMAL.

I will post what he uploaded exactly yesterday :

The Tittle : The Menu of Nagging during Chusok (Korean thanksgiving) 

– Are you thinking about college? (50.000won)

-Please lose some weight (100.000won)

– Are you currently dating? (100.000won)

-When are you going to go to the military? (150.000won)

-When are you going to graduate? (150.000)

-Are you thinking about employment right now? (200.000 won)

-How much yearly salary are you getting? (250.000won)

– Isnt it time for you to get married? (300.000 won)

– Isnt it time for you to have kids? (500.000 won)

He is basically “selling” those concerns that people had for him that they expressed by asking personal questions. He was not serious, obviously and these things will never meant to be implemented in real life. Who will will buy such things? I would not. He was just being bitter and sarcastic about upcoming Thanksgiving day.

That is exactly what he posted. Some of them are not relatable for his situation (kids, yearly salary etc)

But young people these days find it quite uncomfortable for obvious reasons. Even I get uncomfortable when people ask such questions, let alone Gyunnie who is somehow going into the “unpopular road” here in Korea.

Out of SKY Uni – he got accepted into K University.

Now he is moving to Y University.

People find it very odd, that he is moving to a college that has the same exact standards as his previous university.

Like moving from Stanford to Yale.

I have never mentioned this but Gyunnie is an only kid which makes him the only son. In Korea society, having sons is somehow better than daughters.

He has a lot of expectations on his shoulders from his parents and family as the only son.

I think that is the main reason why he puts so much pressure on himself to be perfect.

He told me once that the day before the SAT, he could not sleep at all. He prepared that exam for 3 years. He can only slept after his mom lowered her expectations by saying that “It is ok to fail, Gyun-ah.”

He ended up getting #1 on that SAT exams.

He was a very good student but he did not have a good relationship with most of his teachers.

From what he had described, most of his teachers are just super subjective in grading. and too religious for his preference.

He spent his teenage years (12-18) in China. He went into a top international school there, with only 20 students per year – though he made a lot of good friends.

Imagine moving from his high school to K University that has 15.000 students per year. His major itself has around 500 students per year.

I think Gyunnie had a very rough transition from high school to college.

He is “shaking” a lot. In Korea, these are not good signs. People who were a good student and good son is expected to continue their roles like that forever.

His parents has a lot of concerns regarding moving college and military service as well.

He is losing time, and they are losing money.

Gyunnie is not in the best situation in his life right now. People are probably criticising him for being so unstable, one of the biggest sign is him letting K University go (from their perspective)

I can go into more details about his family stuff if you want, in my next reply to you.

But now, I can see why he was not happy in K University.

I noticed now that he never really made any comments or remarks about his friends from K Uni. Most of his friends that he talked about and introduced to me were his high school friends.

I tried to find out from my other friend in Business major, he said that Gyunnie has quite a lot of friends. Not to mention being in student council is a huge deal as well.

I feel like he did not have any problems in his social life but he had mentioned and expressed a few times that he does not feel like he got along with them very well deep down inside.

Like his personality and their personality is way too different.

But I mean out of 500 students, what can you expect? You cannot get along with everyone.

I noticed that he has a small group of friends (2 girls, 3 guys including him) before I dated him.

But when I started dating him, he never once talked about them. They seemed quite close in my eyes, they even went to see Cherry Blossom together.

I asked him about them and he said that they are close but not that close.

I feel like Gyunnie put quite a distance between him and Business school people.

I asked our mutual friend that introduced me and Gyunnie, he said that he only met Gyunnie outside school to drink once.

Later I found out that they aren’t even that close, and they actually kinda got closer because of me.

I feel kind of guilty for not really seeing his struggles now.

Gyunnie was forcing himself to be nice to gain friends that does not even understand or get along with him very well.

I think in K University, he only has less than 10 people that he can really trust.

Now that I think about it, I was probably his best friend in K University.

I was the first person that he told in K University that he is moving, later on he finally told his “close” friends which is like 3-4 people that he is moving.

From the outside he seems like he has tons of friends but not a lot that he genuinely likes.

-Mina

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Sept 29, 2017]

Gyunnie,

I had a great day with Evelyn nuna today!

How was yours? Hope it went well.

I want to share my favourite poem with you today :

“Do not ever regret your decision.

Because in that one moment, that decision was your best option

and it was the best choice you could ever made.

You are definitely doing well right now. ”

(translated from Korean to English by me, taken from Ha Tae Wan`s book)

Those words, I very much sympathise with it.

I hate you a lot for making that decision to move college and go to the military earlier than what you had expected, I really do Gyunnie.

But at the same time, I admired you.

For admitting that you aren’t happy, for your bravery to let go of everything. Everything, including me.

I wish you all the best. I wish you happiness.

Truly I loved you, from the bottom of my heart and soul.

I love you very much that if letting you go is the best option, I will.

Maybe we aren’t meant to be in this lifetime, but the next one… I promise that we will be together.

A lifetime without different countries being involved, culture, language, military service, and life changing decision.

It will be just Mina and Gyunnie.

With our love always being the answer,

I hope that we can meet like that.

Love,

-Mina

 

 

 

 

 

 

• This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Mina.

Anita,

I know that this question might sounds stupid and you might have no answer either but,

do you think that he will be proud of me?

do you think that he will say that what I am currently doing is good and that I should keep going?

I somehow cannot this song out of my head, the one I posted about how he saw the best in me.

I feels somehow so overwhelmed by the love that he gave me that I cried.

Because it just surrounds me and I feel the love inside keeps growing and it just .. glows within.

From loving Gyunnie, I learnt what true love felt. How it felt to be truly loved and accepted.

and no one can replace or take that away from me.

It will remain within me.

I cannot see him, but I can always feel him with me.

I am sounding emotional, again. Sorry.

-Mina

 

 

• This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Mina.

Anita,

To be fair –  a lot of my friends are dating, it is a bit hard but at least if we are in the same campus, it is easier to eat lunch or dinner together considering our inhumane schedules so there is an advantage of that.

I think if you want to date, you have to be able to be stronger than the stress and pressure of studying. One of my guy senior, he is number 1 in his major (like the smartest person in his year and major) and he still have a long term girlfriend as well. It depends on your attitude and your willingness to sacrifice your time and focus.

Gyunnie was not willing to do that. Which is understandable, as he is a perfectionist and was overwhelmed by his own decisions and situation.

Please do not consider my attitude or my thinking as every students perspective. There are a lot of students here that are happy and is getting a good grade easily by studying like how they usually do since high school. At least 30/40 percent are quite happy with their college life in SKY. As getting accepted is already a dream came true for them.

But for me, there are a lot of severe problems due to my own personality and depression. That is why I think not only my university but Korea as a country is a prison camp for me. My favourite place for me to visit here : the airport.

I am very much looking forward to my UK trip in 88 days.

88 more days and I am out of Korea. I am counting each days. 🙂

“Maybe it will resume one day, it is possible.”

I know. Gyunnie also knows this as well.

But for me, I do not think it will be possible. I do not have any plan to stay in Korea (I have mentioned this before) – I will be working in Singapore.

Gyunnie is probably going to stay here permanently (possibly) – he mentioned a few times that he has interest to live overseas but the future is too far ahead of us to predict and I would like to get married as early as possible so waiting for him seems like something that I am very unlikely to do.

Different country, different view of marriage (regarding the age), also differences in life sequences. I will be graduating in 3 years while he will still be in his 2nd year by then because of military service that made him hold his study. I will prepare myself for marriage after I graduated while he is still stuck in college, thinking about his future blah blah. Even if we are together, I will have to wait until he graduated and get a job.

He isnt the type to get married early, and is very career oriented … so he will get married only after he is successful with a very well paid job. I can predict that one.

I have think about it very thoroughly – but maybe there isnt a future for us.

-Mina

 

 

Anita,

“I am thinking students are not likely to talk about their stress, they are just doing their best to ignore it and keep their focus on the studying, knowing they have no option but to keep going, study and study. Just like you feel there is no option, no way out.”

This is 100 percent correct.

Everybody is having a hard time here, trying to be #1 but at the end of the day all we can do is try our best and just study.

“At this very point I have better understanding of why your ex boyfriend broke up the relationship, the pressure to succeed academically is just too intense to allow a love relationship. No, he didn’t reject you. He ejected you from his overwhelming life.”

So happy to read this from you, Anita.

You can now imagine how his parents felt when he came to them and told them that he wanted to change university?

Gyunnie is having a very hard time as well, he threw away our college to go to another college (another SKY university, if you wonder which university that he is moving into) but at this point, everything seems unclear and there is NO guarantee that things will get better for him once he is a new student there.

I expressed this to him, and he understand this concern as well but he promised that he will try to do harder than he did in our university – and he will definitely not join any kind of student council. He will only focus on his social and study life.

But, Anita, I do not understand – why can’t Gyunnie try harder HERE in our university?

I have a lot of thoughts regarding that.

And yes, you can refer him to Gyunnie as well.

It is actually a nickname that I use but talking to you about him for 3 months here … I feel like you also know my Gyunnie.

You deserve to call him that as well. Because the Gyunnie that you know is the Gyunnie that was described by someone who loved him very much.

You saw him through my eyes and perspectives.

You understand him.

and I know exactly what he will say to you knowing how supporting you have been on his reason and struggles :

he is saying thank you.

—

I am sorry for sounding kind of emotional … I just miss him.

-Mina