I understand that you don’t want to get specific (and I respect that), but understand that there’s a disconnect between you saying it was “oversight” without malicious intent, that no one was really hurt, and that you did “unholy things to put it lightly.”

Were there contradictory systems (beliefs, disciplinary, etc.) at work causing you to do what you did? (E.g., Following the example of a harsh disciplinary parent while not believing it was the right thing to do.)

If you are no longer that person, no longer guilty of doing bad things, then aren’t you a person deserving of his kindness?

It’s for you to forgive yourself, and hopefully show those you hurt that you are aware of how your behavior affected them. All easier said than done. However, it’s hard to imagine you could ever feel “worthy” until you work toward and through it.

If you truly are no longer that person, and trust that your past behavior is in the past, I’d offer not telling him of these “unholy” things. Not everyone can look beyond such things, can forever change how they see you. Only you know if those bad behaviors were put to rest. If they are…consider that some things are best left in the past. If you think you are still capable of doing bad things, I think he has a right to know if it would be of concern for his safety or others.

Until we find worth in ourselves, we’ll forever feel like a fraud when someone values us.

Edit: Think of this: That he sees a part of you worth love, a part that has value, a part you may not have been aware of, or not accustomed to being acknowledged.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by SSS.

There were many years that I could’ve written almost every word and feeling you wrote. And there are plenty of others, too, who could have and could now.

If you’re not good at what you enjoy, get better. Put more of yourself into it. Hone it. Breathe it. Sleep it. Everyone gets better with dedicated practice (except me and math, lol). So maybe you get better in yoga but not extraordinary–good for you! you improved!–yet you get so good in painting that friends want some of your work hanging on their walls.

You clearly show desire to be part of something creative, and a theme in large part seems spiritual. You might never be happy or content with a typical job but bills need to be paid, so perhaps consider an online or otherwise certification or training in something that doesn’t demand too much to get.

Coming to terms with reality and your own creative nature is hard. A lot of people like you don’t try to find a career, as you put it. They work at jobs, complain about them from time to time, while they are busy fulfilling their soul all the other hours in a day.

Do you think you should have a career, or think having one will make the next forty years easier, or…….?

If you know having a career outside anything that involves your interests will not satisfy you, I don’t see it as wrong to accept that, and know life might or might not be a little rockier b/c of it. We are who we are. Only you can decide what’s most important for you: Jobs vs. a “typical” career path.

There are so very many opportunities for creative people out there now–that didn’t exist years ago! Explore. Research. Talk to people who are doing it well. Talk to people who failed, too, to learn from them. Who can succeed without failing first? Failing is a great teacher! And facing our fears gives us incredible freedom!

On my end of it, I used to feel terribly restless most of the time, regardless how satisfied I was; my mother would say it was “the nature of the beast.” I still get restless, so maybe she was right, but I realized I’m a “sampler.” Don’t know if that’s a real thing, but that’s what it feels like to me. It’s who I am. I’ve sampled A LOT of life that for certain I wouldn’t have if I’d forced myself to do what I thought I should years ago.

Some people can end up having “it all” but usually it seems most everything in life is a trade-off, big or small, in the beginning or at the end.

Co-dependancy issues aside but not forgotten, you say you are an empath. I’ve known some to state this when they really are not; what they are is highly sensitive to real or perceived threats, insults, their own unhappiness, etc. Empaths can feel as much positive energy from another as negative. If you are an empath, how do you think this enters into the equation?

My adoptive mother had an unhealthy attachment to her only birth child, a son no less, who was the golden boy. This unhealthy relationship was evident to everyone except my mother. The hope I see on your end is that you are recognizing things in yourself (becoming self-aware) and that is critical. Big applause for you! And now, to make it even better, you are working toward an end, toward healing yourself, with the goal of moving beyond emotional dependence. You are not alone in struggling with ED. It may be more outwardly pronounced with you than with some others, but reaching your goal–which will take time–will make becoming emotionally independent that much more rewarding. I’m excited by the thought of you getting there…and in the meanwhile, stop along this path to enjoy the journey. It’s an important one. It’s not just the destination that counts. Take pride in the milestones and accomplishments along the way. Breathe them in and realize how good each step feels. You deserve to be emotionally independent, and obviously, both you and your daughter will benefit from it.

Best wishes on this new path. It can be done.

From a spiritual aspect, certainly there are audible messages (e.g., from guides), but they are never negative in quality.

Is what you are hearing jumbled but sound like voices nonetheless?  If the words are very clear, are you comfortable giving an example?

Hi, Javier….

I have a reason for asking the following:

What do you want?

What/how do you want to feel?

Do you want things to be…different?

Would you accept or embrace change?

Hugs to you, Javier. Big, warm hugs.