Hi Tee

 All this is telling me that she is supportive (at least in some aspects), tolerant and flexible. Would you agree?

Very tolerant and flexible, patient to the core. I am now tying to take things easier on me rather than making a paradigm. What I understand is this might be a phase and things would get fine with times as is the case with any couple/ family. I think  I should prepare myself to face even more difficult situations as we move forward, its always better than getting overwhelmed.Thanks you for your supportive ideas and words of encouragement.

Hi Helcat

Thank you for your kind words. I would not consider myself selfless,however  most of the things that I enjoy doing benefits others in some way or the other. I consider myself very organized and planned and I do get disappointed when I do not get the necessary support whenever needed. I would consider my family very supportive in giving me my own space, I do not see that very common especially when you have little kids. I am fortunate to have enough time for the things that I love doing. However, I also want to be a role model to my kids and imbibe the necessary values and principles that I follow.

It’s really tricky when it comes to the amount of effort put into things because some people don’t put in as much effort as others for a variety of reasons. Some people don’t see being messy as being a problem. Some might value their well being as opposed to working very hard and stressing themselves out.

This is so true in my case, however I think I fail to see the good in them. I may be just overthinking and inviting unwanted stress in my life.

Hi Roberta & Tee

Appreciate your suggestions to get around such situations. To be more direct, this may be difficult to improvise in case these challenges that you face is with your spouse- don’t you guys think so? Even though you try your level best to avoid confrontations, it seems sooner or later you may encounter the scenarios that I have listed– and may not be avoidable. This is where I take a hit- you just literally cannot walk away/ avoid , after all its your family.

Hi Tee

Thanks for your reply

“If they are, you don’t need to be nice to them. You need to perhaps talk to them and clarify that their behavior is rude, specially if they are family. You don’t need to spare them from the truth. If other people are rude and disrespectful to you, you can set boundaries with them too. No need to be nice with bullies, for example.”

This is where I feel we need to separate family from peers. As Roberta rightly said, we cannot choose our family. I am very forthright, which may not be the best trait at all junctures. I would still be alright with dealing with people being impolite, as its always easier to walk away and my reason is also justified.

[quote quote=418756] If you start to know yourself well it will help with strengthen your patience muscle. If you realise that after about say three hours being with family/friends your capacity is dropping then the next time try calling it quits after 2 hours so that you leave feeling good about them. Setting the aspiration to be patient before you meet up is a good.[/quote]

Hi Roberta, This definitely helps. I appreciate the suggestions. It may a tad more difficult  when it comes to dealing with family I presume. How do you think things can be changed even if the matters of concern have been communicated explicitly? I don’t think setting low / no expectations is  would help.

Hi Roberta

Thanks for your reply. As you correctly said, traits like patience and compassion is definitely important and I have identified that I am no so good at these qualities. This is something that I need to work upon, especially the patience part of it. And I guess being judgemental about others is also not helping me, especially in the family circles. At times I feel my patience is weaning out trying to be nice to everyone.