Menu

Tom

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • May 23, 2023 at 9:52 pm #419106
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Helcat

    Thank you for putting forward an alternate thought, you are completely right. It takes time to accept the way people are, especially if they are polar opposite to values that you believe in.

    “Are there any specific thoughts or feelings that come up when people don’t meet your principles?”

    I am always engrossed in planning things to mitigate the effects of being late , house being cluttered etc… This has taken a toll on me, I feel I am always in fire-fighting mode. I feel am under tremendous stress to make things aligned to my values. As you rightly hinted, I feel  I am being taken for granted. ” Self Soothing” is something that is new to me, I think i should read more about that.

    May 23, 2023 at 9:20 pm #419105
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Roberta & Tee

    Appreciate your suggestions to get around such situations. To be more direct, this may be difficult to improvise in case these challenges that you face is with your spouse- don’t you guys think so? Even though you try your level best to avoid confrontations, it seems sooner or later you may encounter the scenarios that I have listed– and may not be avoidable. This is where I take a hit- you just literally cannot walk away/ avoid , after all its your family.

    May 17, 2023 at 5:46 am #418824
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Roberta

    You talk of matters of concern have been communicated explicitly. What are these matters and are they your concerns or another family members concerns?

    I may be digressing a bit, but let me try to explain. What is the best way to get around situations wherein your family members/member is constantly making you late, is very tardy and tepid, has/have not got hygiene standards as yours, is very poor at planning, may not reciprocate to your concerns , is not forthcoming as you are …  .. This may be in spite of the several conversations that you have had with them on the subject matter. This would subsequently turn into a feeling of imposition and eventually lead to relationship fatigue, isn’t it?

    May 17, 2023 at 5:32 am #418823
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Tee

    Thanks for your reply

    “If they are, you don’t need to be nice to them. You need to perhaps talk to them and clarify that their behavior is rude, specially if they are family. You don’t need to spare them from the truth. If other people are rude and disrespectful to you, you can set boundaries with them too. No need to be nice with bullies, for example.”

    This is where I feel we need to separate family from peers. As Roberta rightly said, we cannot choose our family. I am very forthright, which may not be the best trait at all junctures. I would still be alright with dealing with people being impolite, as its always easier to walk away and my reason is also justified.

     

    May 15, 2023 at 10:53 pm #418784
    Tom
    Participant

    [quote quote=40336]The biggest thing I’ve found in coping is to adopt another pet. It is not about replacing the animal, because you can never truly replace a living thing that you loved. But there is now a space in you that had previously experienced love and love needs to flow from there again. If adopting another pet isn’t an option then find something else you can turn you love towards, a new passion or hobby perhaps. Love and time are the best medicines (I’ve experienced my kelpie puppy being run over, my border collie puppy being run over, one cat go missing never to be seen again, another be run over though thankfully survived, and most recently my own little kitten being run over, on my birthday no less)[/quote]

     

    May 15, 2023 at 10:52 pm #418783
    Tom
    Participant

    [quote quote=418756] If you start to know yourself well it will help with strengthen your patience muscle. If you realise that after about say three hours being with family/friends your capacity is dropping then the next time try calling it quits after 2 hours so that you leave feeling good about them. Setting the aspiration to be patient before you meet up is a good.[/quote]

    Hi Roberta, This definitely helps. I appreciate the suggestions. It may a tad more difficult  when it comes to dealing with family I presume. How do you think things can be changed even if the matters of concern have been communicated explicitly? I don’t think setting low / no expectations is  would help.

    May 15, 2023 at 9:29 pm #418782
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Brandy

    Thanks for your reply. The traits that you are mentioned are very natural to me. I mean, I may not be trying hard to be morally correct at every encounter that I have with my peers. As you correctly stated implicitly, expectation from others also contributes to the situation.

    May 14, 2023 at 10:48 pm #418751
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Roberta

    Thanks for your reply. As you correctly said, traits like patience and compassion is definitely important and I have identified that I am no so good at these qualities. This is something that I need to work upon, especially the patience part of it. And I guess being judgemental about others is also not helping me, especially in the family circles. At times I feel my patience is weaning out trying to be nice to everyone.

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)