This must be very confusing for you. He’s telling you one thing but acting out another. One of the hardest lessons to learn is that when someone tells you who they are, believe them. He’s told you that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship and that he’s moving out. You need to believe that, until a time comes when you both sit down and reestablish a healthy relationship. He’s getting the perks of the relationship: emotional support, physical affection, companionship, not to mention the huge ego boost of being loved by someone. In my opinion, you need to stop sleeping in the same bed. You need to stop cuddling. You need to stop being his primary support system. If he wants to break up, then he needs to get used to that. And in the meantime, it is REALLY unfair to you to keep giving him all of this because it’s confusing and gives you false hope.

Now, if something changes AFTER you withdraw the perks of the relationship (not to punish him, but to establish healthy boundaries for yourself), and he decides he wants to stay together, you two really need to sit down and discuss these issues. He can’t just say that he isn’t good at discussing his emotions. Most of us aren’t, so that’s a cop-out.

Oh darling, I wish I could transport you into the future one year from now. There are a couple things you need to know about him:
(1) You don’t know that he is happy. I know they may be running around town seemingly in love. Heck, they might even get married. But his capacity for happiness right now is very limited. He does not sound like a very caring person, a giving person, an honest person, or someone who has the ability to be in a long-term, healthy, stable relationship. I know it hurts to see (really! I do!) but you’re comparing your worst moments to his highlight reel.

(2) He’s manipulative and cruel. That is why he said that you were never together and he never loved you, you aren’t good enough, etc. They aren’t true. But he knows your vulnerabilities and he’s using them against you. When we share our vulnerabilities with someone, a strong stable and caring individual will not use those weaknesses against us, no matter how angry they are. He is not that man. You deserve better.

A few things about the future:
(1) You’re going to be hurting for months. I’m sorry. It’s true. It sucks. Like, REALLY sucks. But you will come through. I’m a big fan of therapy (cognitive behavioral therapy is a place to start). It’s not just for “crazy” people. It’s for anyone who is stuck; it is for anyone who cannot stop crying; it is for anyone looking for insight into themselves; it is for anyone who wants to learn from their mistakes and make better choices in the future. Also, I recommend the book Feeling Good, by Dr. David Burns. He also has a workbook. If you can’t afford therapy or something, this is a good place to start. BUT, you actually need to write out the exercises in a notebook. That is the ONLY way it helps. I’ve been working through his book and workbook over the last few months and it has been really helpful (to help move on after a particularly brutal break up).

(2) I think you need to know yourself better. I could be wrong! After all, we all get heartbroken. But, you seem to have given him everything when he gave you so little in return. Perhaps to point where you lost sight of yourself. If so, it’s common. We’ve all done it. The important point is to regain who that person is, or find out who you are for the first time! Being single is the ideal way to do that. USE THIS TIME. Meditate, take an art class at a local community college, or join a group on Meetup.com. But you are questioning whether you are good enough — a huge blanket statement. Good enough to what? Be loved? To not be on the receiving end of every mean thing a person could say? To be happy with yourself? To love yourself? Everyone is good enough for those things. You need to learn this for yourself so that you actually believe it. And call bullsh** if someone says you don’t.

Pretty soon, you’ll realize that he did you a HUGE favor. It’ll just take some time and some work to get there.