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Victoria

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  • #38729

    Victoria
    Participant

    Aaaand this one!

    #38722

    Victoria
    Participant

    I’ll also leave you a link of a Youtube video by sex educator Laci Green 🙂 Hope it makes you reflect more on it!

    #38720

    Victoria
    Participant

    What Matt said! But for me it’s honesty, basically. Even if it hurts sometimes. Saying the truth is better than keeping secrets, even if you think you’re doing it to protect your partner. And lots of cuddling. Like LOTS. You need alone time with your significant other! You need time spent apart from friends or family or whatever. And you can dedicate that time to cuddle 😀

    #38611

    Victoria
    Participant

    First of all: what a cool job! Now onto the issue ;).

    “Virginity” is what you make of it. It’s actually a socially constructed term that used to be relevant when you could sell your daughter’s dowry to a potential husband that wanted her hymen to remain intact. *laughs* As you said yourself, some people think you must wait until you are in a relationship with someone you love or care about, while others want to get it over with. Why? Because it’s still a rite of passage for most of us.

    I was about to turn 20 when I had sex for the first time. I’d known the guy for about 2 weeks and we were friends. After a party, we had sex. Then I came back to my home country and we remained Facebook friends, no emotional attachments at all. I believe I had so much curiosity on the topic (I started reading about sexual relationships when I was around 7) that I couldn’t wait for a boyfriend, like most of my friends did. It was liberating to go against the status quo, to be honest!

    However, this might be different for you! Think about how you might feel afterwards if you have sex in a relationship versus with a friend or even a stranger. Do YOU think you should wait? Or do you want to do it already? Any choice is perfectly okay!

    #38512

    Victoria
    Participant

    Hey Matt,
    You’re so kind, thank you very much for taking your time to write to me 🙂 You gave me some great ideas as to how to approach my mum. Calm situations are always better for us. I use those to talk with her if there’s an urgent thing we haven’t discussed.
    And thank you for reassuring me I’m aware of my emotions. I will try to survive until I can move out, if I can’t find any other solutions in the meantime. Thank you, really. You guys rock.

    #38426

    Victoria
    Participant

    Thank you so much to both of you 🙂 You’re amazing.

    Again, thank you Jade, for all your support. Are you handling adulthood better nowadays? Do you live in the same city as your parents or somewhere else?

    Matt: thank you. It’s very hard for me to talk to my mum because I’ve developed a mechanism of just “shutting up” when she gets mad. It irritates her even more, but if I try to talk I start crying, and that’s worse. My mum will start saying I’m still a child or that I need to grow up because I can’t cry during arguments. I suppose I’m overly sensitive. I don’t like it when people get mad at me, even if it’s a stranger. I just burst into tears (usually not in front of them, lol. That only happens with my mum).

    The task you’re suggesting is super hard for me for those reasons. I can’t talk with her because she’ll start saying “I hope you’ll talk to me like an adult this time”. She’s stopped shouting like a lunatic (thank god for Xanax, eh?), but it’s very hard, still. Any ideas on how I can get over that? Is it even possible to stop being overly sensitive?

    #38414

    Victoria
    Participant

    Ahah that cracked me up! Don’t worry, you can say whatever you want 😛 My mum did pay for my 6 week stay in England during the year I wasn’t at uni, which I think is super generous of her. If I had stayed here for longer we would’ve killed each other. I’m grateful for that trip until this day, because it was the best experience I could ever have. I was with an amazing host family I love dearly. Of course, I can’t flaunt it on her face because she reminds me I spent all my budget and I still owe that money to her. Oops!

    Yes, I’m planning my escape! Ahah, I’m slowly saving, although it’s not much. I live in the major city of Peru and I don’t have friends in other cities. I do have friends in the States, though, so I’m trying to save as much as I can for a round trip. I already have 20% for the plane ticket, so I’m hoping I’ll have more by next year, ahah.

    I’m holding onto your last couple of paragraphs. I will lean into the discomfort. With a BA, I can apply for masters abroad and hopefully receive some financial aid. I tried to do that for my undegrad, but it’s much harder for us international students. Just 3 more years to go, eh? :/ With my mum… here… stuck… it sort of sounds like a nightmare sometimes.

    #38395

    Victoria
    Participant

    Oh honey 🙁 You’re putting so much pressure on yourself! I’ve been there, trying to please everyone and feeling low, even when I was trying my hardest.

    Do YOU think you’re good-looking? Do YOU think you’re hard-working? Do you really want to look like an average teenager? Never mind what those people have told you. Your opinion is the one that matters. Also, its very unprofessional of your teacher to call you lazy! I would feel so hurt, too. How rude of her. And I hope that by “college” you mean sixth form, last years of high school?

    Don’t let these people step on you. Do what you want and ignore the rest. Maybe they’re jealous because you’re actually very gifted and they aren’t! Who knows. Do not let them dictate how you behave! You’re much better than that.

    xx

    #36164

    Victoria
    Participant

    Ahlive,

    Thank you SO much for this reply. I’m sorry your experience was so difficult and that you have to go back to your home country now. What graduate program were you on?

    I’ll try my best to follow a wellness routine. I know it’s very necessary and I have to rebuild some good habits I lost due to my ED recovery and such. Thing is, when I was abroad for 6 weeks I also suffered. I’ve been away on my own twice. The first time was disastrous and the second, not so much. I was completely alone, but I was so happy at times. I had these emotional highs I’ve seldom experienced in my life. And I went there when I was amidst my depression, having left uni because my eating disorder was out of control… I’m doing much better now. If I do leave this city, I’ll go with my long-term partner, whom I love very much, so hopefully I won’t feel as lonely as I would if I went by myself.

    I have thought about the things I’ll miss from here. My cats. My comfy bed. The spaciousness of my home. The fact that I know everyone at my supermarket, as well as the neighbours who recognize me every now and then. But I think I’m ready to take the leap. I’ve been an undergrad for so, so long that I’ve grown tired of living here. I try to not daydream about going abroad and be realistic, just like you say I should, and even when I don’t daydream I think it’ll be a 10 times better there than it is here. I don’t know if I’ll be able to endure a break up, though! Not even if I stay here 😛

    Again, thank you so much for replying. It was a well thought answer. I hope we can keep in touch! <3

    #36086

    Victoria
    Participant

    Hi GreatWhiteGoddess :D. Thank you for replying. I’m currently on antidepressants and see my psychiatrist monthly. I actually had to wean myself off my SSRI so I could focus better. Well, not entirely: I went from 100 mg down to 50 mg

    I’ve thought about going back to counselling, but I’m saving for a trip at the end of the year and I don’t want to put more financial pressure on my mother. Money is tight (as it is for everyone), so I might go back at the start of 2014.

    #36058

    Victoria
    Participant

    About slacking at university: I wasn’t like this until after my gap year (which I took to focus on my ED recovery). Before that, I was an excellent student. I got top grades and teachers loved me, even though I didn’t have a clear vision of my future. I feel that losing my perfectionist tendencies has dumbed me down. I’ve become irresponsible. Seriously.
    Practising compassion and letting go has helped me do better in terms of my eating disorder (I don’t have that many compulsive eating episodes). However, when it comes to uni and achieving the grades I want, I’m not doing good at all. Heck, I failed classes last semester! It’s also related with being tired of studying. 8 years of undergrad is a LONG time…

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by  Victoria.
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