Forum Replies Created
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Dear Desolate,
1. “I Can’t Date Anymore. Can I Still Be Happy?”
Yes, but when you separate out your Life and your Life-situation.If the above answer is not clear then I leave it for you to research as while doing that you are going to gain great insights about being happy when you do not have any of the three major factors of life – Health, Wealth, Relationships.
2. If your post was to only know about what’s in the title of this thread, then you can stop after reading the 1st point above.
But if you are looking for a soulmate, just like me, then carry on…(https://s11.postimg.org/z6ppah9mb/Soulmate.jpg)
3. After you go through the above link, if you have a question like – “So then, what do I do, should I simply sit and do nothing and wait for my soulmate to fall on my lap?”
The answer is this e-book for you.
Anybody on this forum who has this link and are in a similar situation can download it for free but can do as suggested by the author (more below).
Free Download Link:
(http://s000.tinyupload.com/?file_id=33537370403726193065)(The PDF on the above link will remain for an unlimited period of time unless the file is not downloaded by anyone for 100 days)
—————————————————————————————————————————————-
Note from the author: Gabriella HartwellThis book is intended for singles AND couples. This book will help you to connect with who you are so that you can draw your soul mate to you, or to bring your current relationship to a soul mate level. –
Spirit operates in giving love freely, the exchange of energy
without any expectations, and therefore I am offering my book,
You Find Your Soul Mate When You Let Go of Searching, in a PDF
format free of charge.The only thing that I ask is if you feel inspired, please write a
review for the book on Amazon.com and spread the book to those
you think may benefit from it…I am always available for coaching and to help anyone to connect
with and receive love.May all the love in your heart warm you,
Gabriella Hartwell
http://www.EmergingSoul.com
—————————————————————————————————————————————-Amazon link:
(https://www.amazon.com/Find-Your-Soul-Mate-Searching/dp/061523853X)Take Care,
VJMEDITATION TECHNIQUES:
We all know that controlling the mind is not really possible. The less we try to think of something, the stronger it will get. The mind does a constant interpretation of the things we experience; the experiences that are going on externally or even the ones going on internally in our head. We can’t stop the mind from stirring up thoughts, it is what the mind does. That’s its job. Thoughts will come, but what we can do is to stop getting onto ‘the train of thoughts’. Notice the difference between ‘thoughts’ and ‘thinking’. It feels like ‘thoughts’ come by themselves from nowhere, but ‘thinking’ is a choice. Thinking starts when thoughts go unobserved. You can either be thinking OR be aware of your thinking but not both at the same time. Your job is to become the awareness behind the thinking. A thought comes up but you don’t need to follow wherever it takes you. Don’t analyze your interpretation or connect it to a memory. Allow the thought to come and let it pass by. Just imagine how we swipe between the screens on a smartphone – Next -> Next -> Next. Swipe the thoughts on the screen of your mind.
In Zen, meditation is not trying to get into some sort of trance. It is not daydreaming or to stop thinking. Neither should you try to control your mind. Zazen (a Zen meditation) is to practice to experience directly. To not pass judgement or analyze your sensorial experiences and thoughts. For that is all they are- just your senses being triggered. It is not reality itself. Just sit and let the thoughts/images in your head pass by. Thoughts may come but you will not follow them.
Before starting with the below meditation techniques, if there is a lot of mental/emotional activity going on with you then do the breathing exercises mentioned above at first. (http://tinybuddha.com/topic/relaxation-meditation-techniques/#post-114812)
1) Counting you thoughts exercise:
– Sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes
– For the next few minutes relax yourself and begin to watch your mind
– Stay in ‘alert stillness’ and simply notice the thoughts as they appear on the screen of your mind
– Begin to count the thoughts as they arise
– Any single judging, labeling, interpreting on the thoughts that arise are again thoughts. So count them too. Be alert of the next scene/thought that is going to come on your mind. Any single ‘scene’ wherever your mind takes you is a thought to be counted too.
Don’t try to stop any thought, ‘allow’ it to come. Your job is to only count that.Do this for a few minutes, maybe 1 or 2, or continue if you are able to.
Note down the count of thoughts. Keep doing this practice regularly and see the change in the numbers. You will notice that the count of thoughts per minute will have been reduced. If, at a later stage, it takes a long time for a thought to come up then you are on the right track.
This simple act of being alert and mindful of your thoughts will itself slow down your mental activity giving a feeling of increased sense of peace and calmness, a sense of being present. This happens because, when you are counting the thoughts you are no more getting pulled onto those thoughts. You have become aware of a thought by counting it.2) Count the breath exercise:
– Sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes
– Move your attention to your breath
– Feel where you experience your breath the most. Is it in your nose, your throat, your belly, or may be even in your chest? Each one of us will feel the breath at different places.
– Say for example it’s in your chest region. Focus here and imagine the air flowing in and out.
– It’s now time to start counting- 1 with each inhalation, 2 with the first exhalation, 3 with the second inhalation. Keep counting until you reach 10. If you lose count because of any thoughts don’t get frustrated or think that you can’t do this. Just start with 1 and continue until you reach 10.
If you cannot count 1 for the inhalation and 2 for the exhalation, then count 1 for a complete cycle of an inhalation-exhalation and then 2 for the next set of inhalation-exhalation.Practice this technique. Once you start to get comfortable reaching 10, gradually increase the count to 20, 30 and so on.
After you’ve got some experience with this type of meditation you can try to stop counting and just focus on the movement of your breath. Then you’re really ‘just sitting’ and ‘simply allowing’ the flow of life to happen mentally. If the flow of life happens mentally ‘as is’ then what’s going on externally will hardly bother you.—————————————————————————————————————————————-
Read Me:
The techniques on this page are a follow-on of it’s original thread at http://tinybuddha.com/topic/share-your-technique. Any one-to-one conversations that you want to do can be done on that thread and if you have a technique that you do in your daily life then please share them here. Thanks.Hi Tracey,
“i seem to end up in some wonderful daydreams that do help calm me and cheer me up”
If feeling calm and cheerful is the end-result of your meditation practice then you are on the right track. But from what you posted it doesn’t seem to be the case.“I always end up coming out of it feeling like i’ve been hit by a double decker bus and thats not how i’ve read it’s supposed to be.”
“What am i doing wrong?”
You are getting onto ‘the train of thoughts’.We all know that controlling the mind is not really possible. The less we try to think of something, the stronger it will get. The mind does a constant interpretation of the things we experience; the experiences that are going on externally or even the ones going on internally in our head. We can’t stop the mind from stirring up thoughts, it is what the mind does. Thoughts will come, but what we can do is to stop getting onto ‘the train of thoughts’. Notice the difference between ‘thoughts’ and ‘thinking’. ‘Thoughts’ come by themselves, but ‘thinking’ is a choice. Thinking starts when thoughts go unobserved. You can either be thinking OR be aware of your thinking but not both at the same time. The very moment you suddenly land up in the forest is your ‘thinking’ and the very moment you have realized that you were thinking is you have become the awareness behind your thinking. Your job is to become the awareness. A thought comes up but you don’t need to follow wherever it goes. Don’t analyze your interpretation or connect it to a memory. Allow the thought to come and let it pass by. Just imagine how we swipe between the screens on a smartphone – Next, Next, Next. Swipe the thoughts on the screen of your mind.
In Zen, meditation is not trying to get into some sort of trance. It is not daydreaming or to stop thinking. Neither should you try to control your mind. Zazen (a Zen mediation) is to practice to experience directly. To not pass judgement or analyze your sensorial experiences and thoughts. For that is all they are: just your senses being triggered. It is not reality itself. Just sit and let the images in your head pass by. Thoughts may come but you will not follow them.
You are already focusing on a candle flame or an apple to not allow your mind to slip by but it’s not working as you said.
I’ll suggest you a few more things to try which should help you.1) Counting you thoughts exercise:
– Sit in a comfortable position like you do for your meditation practice
– For the next few minutes relax yourself and begin to watch your mind
– Stay in ‘alert stillness’ and simply notice the thoughts as they appear on the screen of your mind
– Begin to count the thoughts as they arise
– Any single judging, labeling, interpreting on the thoughts that arise are again thoughts. So count them too. Any single ‘scene’ on your mind like the forest is a thought to be counted too.Do this for a few minutes, maybe even 1 or 2, or continue if you are able to.
Note down the count of thoughts. Keep doing this practice and see the change in the numbers. You will notice that the count of thoughts per minute will have been reduced.
This simple act of being alert and mindful of your thoughts will itself slow down your mental activity giving a feeling of increased sense of peace and calmness, a sense of being present. This happens because, when you are counting the thoughts you are no more getting pulled onto those thoughts. You have become aware of a thought by counting it.2) Count the breath exercise:
– Sit in a comfortable position
– Move your attention to your breath, make sure you are breathing with your belly and not your chest.
– Feel where you experience your breath the most. Is it in your nose, your throat, your belly? Each one of us will feel the breath at different places.
– Say for example its in your chest region. Focus here and imagine the air flowing in and out.
– It’s now time to start counting- 1 with each inhalation, 2 with the first exhalation, 3 with the second inhalation. Keep counting until you reach 10. If you lose count because of any thoughts don’t get frustrated or think that you can’t do this. Just start with 1 and continue until you reach 10.
If you cannot count 1 for the inhalation and 2 for the exhalation, then count 1 for a complete cycle of an inhalation-exhalation.Practice this technique. Once you start to get comfortable reaching 10, gradually increase the count to 20, 30 and so on.
After you’ve got some experience with this type of meditation you can try to stop counting and just focus on your breath. Then you’re really ‘just sitting’ and ‘simply allowing’ the flow of life to happen. If the flow of life happens ‘mentally’ then it hardly matters what’s going on externally.3) Guided Meditations:
If you are still not able to catch your thoughts when it switches over to something else, then I think guided meditations are the best for you. The audio or the video recording will simply guide you as to what to do next and you will follow. Preferably use a headphone. If your mind drifts away, the voice in the recording will catch your attention and you will again be back on track. There are several guided meditations all over the internet and you can pick the one(s) that are best for you.
Do share your experience.
Best Regards,
VJ.Hi ramy,
Yes there is a solution, as every problem has the seeds of its own solution too.
Help is in reach to you.I am glad that you have the willingness to do something to bring about a change in your situation and feel happy again. In order to provide with some solution, and a practical one, can you do the below? I have read your post – you need not write anything about your “story”. But just list down what are your current problems that you want them to be resolved. Perhaps the strongest ones –
I have listed below to begin with-
1) shyness, awkwardness
2) fear of talking to others?
3) fear of rejection between people
4) low self esteem
5) perfectionist guy (if you don’t think this is a problem, then remove from the list)
6) trying to be liked by all (people pleasing mentality?)
.
.
.Rearrange the numbers such that the strongest ones are at the top and the less bothering ones are at the bottom. Continue the number system likewise.
Regards,
VJEdit to the above post:
Please refer the below link for the purpose of this “Relaxation & Meditation Techniques” page
(http://tinybuddha.com/topic/share-your-technique)
Dear endlessskies,
1) Yes you are already beautiful, undoubtedly.
How? – At the time when our body dies (before it gets decayed) we still lie down there with the same physical structure – our hair, features of the face, body structure, (even the T-shirt), etc. that was on the same morning when the person dies. If someone shaved on that day then the dead body will be cleanly shaved. If we had a lot of beard or a moustache on that day then the dead body will be seen that way. Irrespective of the physical appearance, the body has died. The physical body is still lying there, but then what has gone from the body such that the person is being called as “dead”? What is no more “inside” the body such that the same person (or body) who was talking and laughing yesterday is now no more moving lying out there? That’s the Life-Force inside our body that animates our being. That’s the Soul that gives life to the body. Without the soul, the body is like a light bulb without electricity. In short, we are not the Body but the Soul. We are the Soul and this Body is our medium (vehicle) through which we express our thoughts, feelings and actions. The Soul, in itself, does not have any physical structure like eyes, nose, ears, face, beard, etc. Those are features of the body. The Soul is just a sparkling, a jewel, a radiant inner being. You (and I) are that beautiful radiant inner being. That is why it is said as “You are the Light”. You are the light, no matter what’s gonna be. The Body keeps on changing but the Soul remains the same. – “You are the same, you are eternity.”With the above knowledge always in the intellect of your mind, make a distinction between your Body and your Soul. Separate them out. Be as much as possible in the Soul-Conscious mode versus the Body-Conscious mode. You can do that by imagining yourself as that beautiful sparkling seated at the center of your forehead. Imagine the below picture whenever you come across any unfavourable situations that bother you.
(https://s9.postimg.org/j5nbtxdpr/Soul_img.jpg)
May be you could save it onto your mobile to refer frequently.
Continue to keep focusing on your work and all your blessings that you mentioned. Continue to “Be the Light” to the world, that you already are.
2) Got through Sam Berns’ ‘My philosophy for a happy life’ who was diagnosed with Progeria, a rare, rapid aging disease, at the age of 2.
3) “How do I stay strong inside when people are constantly staring at me or laughing at me.”
At first, separate out and visualize yourself as described above in Point 1) during those unfavourable experiences.
At some situations when our visualization goes weak, like it happens for all of us, use the below practical tip which you will surely be able to do.All you need to do is simply say, declare, chant, sing, proclaim, or even just think the word “PRAISE”.
Keep repeating it either silently or loudly or mentally, however you want and whenever you want and especially during those unwanted situations.Explanation:
PRAISE – to feel beautiful; to feel yourself charming and attractive; to praise yourself irrespective of anybody else’s opinion.————————————————————————————-
These are very powerful words and they are called as Switchwords.
More details on what they are and how to use them are explained in the below post.
You can take a look at it at a later stage.
(http://tinybuddha.com/topic/need-a-miracle/#post-114281)
————————————————————————————-Keep yourself equipped with these things and you will continue to Be The Light of your Soul because You Are Not Your Body!
Take Care.
VJ
Dear Maria Mango,
A) For immediate relaxation and better clarity of mind I would like to suggest you the below breathing exercises at the below link.
By taking out a few minutes to do the below Breathing exercises…“those few minutes are going to give you a lot many hours”.
(http://tinybuddha.com/topic/relationship-end/#post-113816)B) For something long term that you referred as on a more important level – “how to step back from workaholism and face my compulsive behaviors constructively”
From your description in the post it looks like you are right now in the negative states of ‘Oak’ and ‘Olive’ types of personalities. Nothing wrong in you but they are referred as personality types and just temporary imbalances. Bach flower remedies can help restore balance from negative states to positive ones. Do not consider them as a “one stop wonder cure for everything” but since you are at the tipping point of things (“can’t move forward”) they will definitely help improve your situation. Read on to know more….
Step 1) Identify the required Bach flower remedy/ies
Oak
I tend to overwork and keep on in spite of exhaustion
I have a strong sense of duty and never give up
I neglect my own needs in order to complete a taskOlive
I feel completely exhausted, physically and/or mentally
I am totally drained of all energy with no reserves left
I have just been through a long period of illness or stress—–???
Elm???
I feel overwhelmed by my responsibilities
I don’t cope well under pressure
I have temporarily lost my self-confidenceCentaury???
I often neglect my own needs to please
I find it difficult to say “no”
I tend to be easily influencedRock Water????
I set high standards for myself
I am strict with my health, work &/or spiritual discipline
I am very self-disciplined, always striving for perfectionIf any of these relate to your situation then you may want to identify more from the below link as only you are the best judge of yourself. (Hence Elm, Centaury and Rock Water have question mark ??? signs against them)
(http://www.bachflower.com/bach-flower-remedy-questionnaire)
Step 2)Check out their detailed descriptions
Once you have identified the names of remedies based on your current situation write them down, and then go through their detailed descriptions on the below links, especially Oak and Olive (or any additional ones that you may have identified)(http://www.bachcentre.com/centre/38/oak.htm)
(http://www.bachcentre.com/centre/38/olive.htm)
(http://www.bachcentre.com/centre/38/elm.htm)(http://www.bachflower.org/oak.htm)
(http://www.bachflower.org/olive.htm)
(http://www.bachflower.org/elm.htm)(http://mudraguide.com/bach-flower-remedies-oak-and-success.html)
(http://mudraguide.com/bach-flower-remedies-olive-and-exhaustion.html)
(http://mudraguide.com/bach-flower-remedies-elm-and-inadequacy.html)Not 100% of everything that is mentioned under any particular Bach remedy may match with you but you can pick the closest possible ones(s).
Add or Remove from the ones that I mentioned in Step B 1) after you go through the detailed descriptions from Step B 2). You can combine up to 7 individual remedies. It is recommended that at the beginning you combine less number of remedies as possible starting with the one(s) for the strongest issue(s) you are currently facing. While consuming them, other issues may often start to dissipate. Move on to the next remedy (or combination of remedies) for issues faced in the past or of lesser intensity.
If in confusion just go ahead with the one(s) that resonate with you the most (where you feel “I think I should take this one”).How to take?
They can be taken as often as needed, either by taking 2-4 drops directly on the tongue or by adding 2-4 drops in a glass of water and drinking/sipping it slowly over a period of time. You can keep a 1 litre water bottle at your office desk and every morning before start of day add 4-6 drops of the remedies to that bottle and consume them during the day. I used to take it this way. Refill the water and re-add the drops if necessary.Additional info on how to take the remedies?
(http://bachcentre.com/centre/take.htm)
(http://www.bachflower.com/how-to-mix-bach-flower-remedies)
Many other links on the webWhere to buy?
The name “Bach Flower Remedies” is not trademarked and anyone can make their own Bach Flower Remedies.
If you take the original Bach Flower Essences with Dr. Bach’s signature on them then you need not worry about their preservation etc.
They are available at several places all over the web.I personally purchased them from Amazon US. But below are some more links that I had found during my search for the remedies and thought of sharing them so you don’t need to find them.
Make sure you select your country on applicable websites and also check their shipping policies.
– (https://www.luckyvitamin.com/m-309-bach-original-flower-remedies)
– (http://www.vitacost.com/bach-flower-remedies-1)
(http://www.vitacost.com/bach-flower-remedies-essence-oak)
(http://www.vitacost.com/bach-flower-remedies-essence-olive)
– (https://www.evitamins.com/bach-flower-remedies)
– (http://www.directlyfromnature.com/The_Original_Bach_Flower_Remedies_Information_and_Sale_s/1818.htm)The 30 ml empty mixing bottle is also available on these websites if you are keen on taking it that way.
For eg; (https://www.luckyvitamin.com/p-9492-bach-original-flower-remedies-mixing-bottle-30-ml)If you are interested in using them then you can find out more about ‘Bach flower remedies’ on the web to find out their efficacy, price comparisons among various websites, discounts and coupons offered, etc. Bach flower essences can well be identified and taken by ourselves but if you need any help I will be able to provide you with some information.
I know it’s a long post 🙂 but had to do it that way for explanation purposes and pin-pointing in the right direction.
Best Regards,
VJ.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
