Hi Jade,

You may want to take a look at Bach flower Remedies.

These are made from flower essences – 1 for each state of human mind or emotion.

There are different flower remedies for different problems (eg; Mimulus remedy is used for fear of public speaking, etc)

I used to take some of these remedies for my problems and found some relief.

The Bach remedy you may be looking for is “Red Chestnut“.

By doing a web search I found that it is written on the ‘Red Chestnut’ bottle as – “allows you to love without anxiety or fear for the well-being of your loved ones”

Below are some descriptive links on which of the cases one should use this remedy-

1. http://www.bachcentre.com/centre/38/redchest.htm

2. http://mudraguide.com/bach-flower-remedies-red-chestnut-and-letting-go.html

3. http://www.bachflower.org/red_chestnut.htm

Not 100 % of what is written above may be applicable to you because it is written for a generalized population.

Do some research and if you are interested and not able to find it then let me know and I will let you know where it is available.

Regards,

VJ

Hi Eliana,

I retried again and was able to open all 3 videos when I replaced (dot) with an actual dot (a period or a full stop).

https://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=J3TgkXQuoPU
https://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=8UURgA8Rf7E
https://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=1VfSiy1yON0

There are two of them in each link.

So just make sure to take a close look at each moment of life and try to “connect the dots” by enjoying every single (dot) moment…. Just for laughs 🙂

Check out the videos and see if it can be done or not.

Another ancient India surefire remedy for chronic constipation and IBS is “Kayam tablets” made of ancient herbs.

They are very inexpensive, effective from the first day itself and non habit forming. I just looked up to see if they are available on Amazon, and they are.

https://www(dot)amazon(dot)com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=kayam+tablets

[replace the words (dot) twice in the above link]

They are available as separate packs of 4,6 etc.

Just check out people’s reviews out there and see how effective they are.

Cheers,

VJ

 I am unsure if I am transferring stuff onto them and should therefore withdraw 

or if I feel connected (and hence its safe to spend time with them).

In either of the cases, see if you are in touch with yourself during these interactions.

Below is a quote from Eckhart when read and understood deeply are interconnected and has several meanings within itself and an answer to both sides of the doubts.

“When you lose touch with inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Dear Eliana,

Yes, you are going through a difficult situation and I do have deep compassion towards you and your situation.

I have gone through your entire post and both of your posts. I will go straight to the point of issues.

I say that you cry. Continue to do what you are doing. Look at the gifts. Sit alone and cry. Cry as much as you can. Cry as much as you want.

The need to not cry or to not feel embarrassed in this loneliness is what causes most of this emotional pain and suffering.

So cry so much such that there is nothing left to cry about. This is therapeutic.

Then I suggest you to go through several articles on the internet on “things to do on Christmas if you are alone”.

Yes it is easier said than done but at least start to take things on a positive stride. That is the only way we can remain contented with ourselves and with life – by getting out of what our mind is telling. There are tons of articles on the above list and they are really beneficial. I am not sure of your likes and dislikes, so from the list of things search and pick the ones that resonate with you, anything that makes you feel better. They are especially designed if one is alone during this time of the festivities.

A day is passed and we do not spend it the way we wanted. So do something on this day such that if you look back you feel great about it.

So set a challenge here for yourself. Do something (or many things) this Christmas that you will never forget about…at least for the rest few months. Simply enjoy yourself. On the 26th, when you look back to this day, you will be happy and glad that you spent it this way. If you want to accept this challenge, then post here on the 26th on what all you did on Christmas to enjoy yourself :-). That’s ok if thoughts of depression, frustration come. Allow them to come. Be with them. Cry and get back to the enjoyment.

Also take a look at:

www(dot)theguardian(dot)com/commentisfree/2017/dec/24/alone-at-christmas-happy-solitude-relationships

[Submitting my post with links takes the post into infinite “awaiting moderation” stage.]

But I want to send this message out to you today. So replace the wordings (dot) with an actual dot in the above and below links.

I come from the land of yoga, the place of the origins of yoga – India. So I will suggest you on the same – something free and effective.

There is a yogic posture/exercise that works even if ones digestive system is shut down.

Its called “kapalbhati pranayama”. You can search for its benefits.

Most of the videos will be in Hindi (a spoken language in India) so I have searched for a few videos in English for you.

https://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=J3TgkXQuoPU
https://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=8UURgA8Rf7E
https://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=1VfSiy1yON0

[remember to replace the (dot)]. Don’t skip any videos.

Since I do not fully know of your health conditions do a web search on who can do this and who cannot.

It is usually pregnant mothers, people with back pain who should not do, but the entire list is available all over the web. It is to be done slowly one per second and on an empty stomach.

You don’t have to spend anything or go anywhere. It’s free (simply to make use of our breath) and well known to get rid of any digestive problems.

Hope you to be back on track soon.

For now all I can say is that….

Even though you are alone today, but today is Christmas for you too!

Do you see how important you are to the Cosmos, to this Universe and to Life.
So Merry Christmas, enjoy yourself and have a wonderful day ahead!

Take care,
VJ

Dear Ale,

For your question on “How can I live more the present”

www(dot)wikihow(dot)com/Live-in-the-Moment

(Remove the word dot and replace with an actual . )

Warm Regards,

VJ

• This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by VJ.

Hi Wanderlust16,

Relationships are assignments from Life. They do give a lot of learnings and ‘work to do’ for us and I see that you have already realized this by your below statement.

“..I believe we were brought together to help each other grow and evolve. I dug deep into this dynamic and in the process I learned a lot about me and many issues that I need to work on so that I don’t repeat the same patterns and if I do, it means I’m not there mentally yet and it’s ok..”

I suggest you gradually work in the direction of all those things that you mention you have learned a lot about in the relationship. While you slowly do that I will suggest you a few things below based on my experience.

I too had similar issues. People, especially of the opposite gender, used to cling to me in the head and it was very very painful to release them. ” It is ruining my inner peace with lack of good sleep and a pulsing heart beats.” I felt like you felt.

The vibes that you felt while connecting to this person are part of a Karmic force. An undercurrent that you cannot control/resist no matter what, because that is the force of Life, enforcing you to go into that relationship, experience the experiences that are required for the evolution of your soul. “All my close friends said they would ask if everything is ok”. During this time, people’s opinion, which is also a part of this collective force, will drag you back to the situation, until it subsides by itself. So if a relationship, due to this force (which is nothing but Life), stays along with us, is good for us and even if it goes away is still for our good because the healing is happening at a soul level.

The undercurrent has lessened a bit now as you do not want to go back to this person. But the residue is still there and you need to “heal” that and I am going to suggest you on that.

It is good that you do not have any ill feelings about this person else your healing process would take a bit more time.

1) Chant the below as many times as you can to break the karmic link about the person/situation. Either mentally, loudly or softly or however you feel comfortable.

Format:

I _______ FORGIVE YOU ________, YOU ALSO PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND RELEASE ME, THANK YOU.

Example:

I FORGIVE YOU , YOU ALSO PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND RELEASE ME, THANK YOU.

Practice it for a week and let me know about your progress.

2) For your sleep issues:

Count from 1 to 100 but backwards.

ie; 100 . . . 99 . . . 98 . . . and so on, till you reach 1.

Don’t do this as if you are sitting for meditation. Lie down on your bed with all your blankets and lights off as if you are again off to sleep.

Close your eyes and start the counting.

While doing this either of 3 things will happen-

i. You will start with 100 and at some point you may get disturbed by the thoughts about this person (or something else).

Allow yourself to think whatever that is. Then when you have caught yourself thinking, come back mentally and continue from the number where you had stopped, if you remember the number. If you do not remember, then you can start from 100.

You can even use your imagination. With it, your mind will be less drifted towards this person or anything else. ie; When your eyes are closed, its all blacked out. Mentally/using your visualization, draw the numbers while counting them or use a mental white chalk and write it on the black screen in front of your eyes.

OR

ii. You will suddenly realize that your numbers are wrong.

If you remember the number where you went wrong, then start with that else you can begin from 100.

OR

iii. You will reach the number 1.

If so, Repeat the exercise again.

OR

iv. You will go off to sleep.

You will not even know the number when you went off to sleep if you try to remember the next day morning.

I can guarantee that you will go off to sleep.

Do let me know your progress on your sleep starting tonight.

Best Regards,

~VJ

Dear comforteaglesteve,

“I have a deeeeep seated attachment to hope. I need it like a shield to keep going. I am suffering without it.”

In reality you are suffering not without it but because of it.

In fact this situation has come to you to remove your suffering, ultimately to cleanse your soul, which can only happen when you are free of attachments.

As soon as you are free of any attachment (even of hope), you will not need hope for anything, as things will keep on happening and changing by itself. Even if something doesn’t happen as expected, it doesn’t matter anymore because you are internally free. Either ways you are free. And not to forget about the impermanent nature of all things in life. How futile it is to hold onto something that is not permanent in life.

Several spiritual masters and teachings have pointed out about attachments and it being the root cause of all suffering.

Below are some useful resources that point the same.

——————————————————————————————————

How to Free Yourself from the Ego:

The ego is present in all of our attachments. We can be attached to wealth, possessions, a person, a group, our job, our intelligence, even our sense of spiritual attainment.

Whenever we drop one attachment, the ego will very quickly find another. The truth is, we have numerous attachments engaged at any given time. The ego feeds on attachments and is always on the look out for some new thing, person or achievement to identify with and attach itself to.

Of course, it is the goal of each of us to be free of the ego. If you are reading this, you are a person who is consciously seeking to be liberated from the prison of the ego.

How do we free ourselves from the ego?

One way we approach this is to work away on the attachments and identifications. We let go of this attachment and that attachment. We discover everything we’re identified with and work to dis-identify with those things. This is a slow process, and by itself it will take a long time to attain. But it is a vital part of the awakening process, and if you seek every day to be less attached and less identified, it will immediately begin to improve the quality of your life and consciousness.

There is another, more easy, way to free ourselves from the ego: presence.

The present moment is the easiest exit point out of the ego. The ego can’t co-exist with presence. The ego only lives in past and future. When you are present in this moment, there is no past or future, there is only now.

——————————————————————————————————

“The root of suffering is attachment” ~Buddha

“You only lose what you cling to” ~Buddha

“To be free from suffering free yourself from attachments” ~Buddha

“From attachment comes grief, from attachment comes fear; he who is free from attachment knows neither grief not fear” ~Buddha

——————————————————————————————————

Buddha’s Second Noble Truth – The origin of suffering is attachment

The second noble truth tells us that the root of all suffering is attachment. To avoid suffering, we need to understand what causes suffering and then weeding out these causes from our lives.

According to Buddha, the basic cause of suffering is “the attachment to the desire to have (craving) and the desire not to have (aversion)”.

All of us have desires and cravings. Since we cannot satisfy ALL our desires and cravings, we get disturbed and angry, which is but another manifestation of suffering.

The same holds good for people who are over ambitious and seek too much. As they achieve what they desire, they get lustful and want more of it. And so the vicious circle continues.

The other problem pointed out by Buddha here, which is very pertinent, is that denying desire (or depriving oneself) is like denying life itself. A person, he said, has to rise above attachments and for that, he need not deprive himself. The problem arises when he does not know where to put an end to his desires. And when he yields into his desires, he becomes a slave to them.

Best Wishes,
VJ