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Wiseowl

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  • in reply to: Is it real or only in my head? #71452
    Wiseowl
    Participant

    My response won’t be positive i am afraid. Before i met my lovely husband i had a long relationship with a man which was long distance and so we used email as our main method of communication. As can be expected, it all ended in – my – tears, and yes, i had built up an image of a man, even meeting him many times, which was entirely false. I fell in love with this image, which was not real. I only found out later, stopping communication and leaving him gave me all the symptoms of a broken heart, i was bereft, missed his letters. After i had recovered enough to start dating again, half a year later, when i started to do internet dating i made a rule of meeting prospective partners quickly, and avoided any long correspondence online. Never again would i fall into that trap.

    Wiseowl
    Participant

    My husband is a big facebook user, he logs in at least once a day. I made a conscious decision not to become his friend on facebook, one reason is that I am just not that into facebook, and although i did set up an account and used it for a year or two (a long time ago) i don’t use it now. I am not that interested in social media ( ok, I am on this blog!….) so it would not make any sense for me to be accessing and viewing his site and the activity on it. It does not really bother me at all, as far as I am concerned that is his social world and where he relaxes and shares jokes with friends. Probably if i were a big facebook user i would become his friend, it would make sense, but i am not so interested in social interactions on facebook. Apparently his sister was teasing him when she realised i am not a friend on his facebook page! So people i think have different attitudes to this. Probably i am a bit old fashioned and also just not that interested. And i trust my husband and that trust makes me secure.
    I am sorry this is one of your triggers, i am 100% certain that with sustained conscious effort you can overcome your fears. The support of your lovely partner will also help. Good luck

    in reply to: In relationship with a wonderful person but still incomplete #71022
    Wiseowl
    Participant

    No-one can complete you except yourself.
    On the other hand, reading your post i have a feeling that you have many doubts about entering this marriage and those do not sound healthy. A life partner must be our best friend, soulmate and lover, someone whom we can imagine living with in the future, having a family with, perhaps. It may be the timing, it may be the person, but whatever it is, I think you have to listen to your doubts, and be courageous.
    There are many, many fish in the sea and maybe this is not “the one”.
    Good luck and be strong!

    Wiseowl
    Participant

    Often past failures can stop us from moving forwards, it is better to let them go. We can keep trying after failures, and eventually learn to find a way forwards, if it means using determination or else finding a reconciliation inside yourself to move down a different path more suited to yourself. Dwelling on past achievements is also not always a good thing, it is a question of measure. I have moments of pride when I recall past successes but these don’t guarantee future successes and life is a long journey and it is better to live in the present rather then the past.

Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)