Hey Spilly booms,

Firstly, awesome job on getting out what sounds like a problem that’s been floating around your mind for a few years. It’s a well known fact that guys are not great at communicating if there’s a problem. So well done for finding the balls to write this in the first place.

I find it interesting that you have looked for “Root causes” as I think this is where your problem stems from. Ever heard of Chakras? It sounds like you have a blockage in your first chakra (Muladhara) which in effect is the root chakra. When this is working correctly, it confirms your existence and your very right to be here. In the same way that a flower cannot stand up right and blossom without having roots, the same principle exists in us. If there is a blockage we have a fear of everything, do not stand up to what we believe in, may not be able to show love, cannot vocalise properly our thoughts and cannot see things clearly. The physical signs of a blocked root chakra is overeating, hoarding or material fixation, greed, sluggish, lazy, tired. There may be a fear of change or an addiction to security. Any of this sound familiar?

There’s nothing wrong with admitting you’re lost, the fun part is the journeys you take to find your home (you). Your body is trying to tell you to reconnect with it, so give it the love it deserves rather than bullying yourself that you’ve never experienced living.
Firstly, look back at the earliest childhood memory with your mum. Did you have a good relationship with her? Were you left with someone else for long periods of time because your mum had to work? There may be the need to re build a connection with your family.
Try different physical activities – weights, yoga, running or dance (yep, there’s nothing wrong with a guy dancing, in fact us girls love a man that can dance). If you find yourself making excuses not to go to a class to try these new activities, explore them on the internet first. There’s lots of videos that teach yoga or dance until you feel confident to take a class. Once you’ve done some exercise, how about booking in for a massage. When you’re doing a fitness class or a massage remind yourself that you’re doing this for you. This will support your roots and start the building of the man and role model you know you can be.

You’ve got a huge amount to gain and not a lot to lose from trying!

Two books that might be of interest – Eastern body Western Mind by Anodea Judith (This explains in great detail the Chakras) and Feel the fear and do it anyway Susan Jeffers.

With love
Karen x

Hi Csaba,
It must’ve taken you a huge amount of courage to open up with such honesty to a group of strangers. This is something in itself that you must give yourself credit for.
You are evidently a loving, kind, honest sensitive soul with a lot of love to give and that is so refreshing to find in this 21st century self obsessed Western world that so many of us live in.
The best advice that I can personally give you is to find peace with yourself and to be yourself. Ask yourself if you are deserving of love? The answer should be yes. The next question, is the next girl that you’re attracted to deserving of your love? If she only wants to date you because you have a good paying job, nice car or suit, the answer is no. These are all superficial things that we desire to have, but do not change us as a person. Love is accepting,respectful,trusting and strong. You need to find these qualities in yourself before you can enter a relationship. Can you accept yourself with little money? An old suit rather than a new one? Can you respect another person’s point of view the same way they accept yours? Can you be honest? And can you truly be yourself without the need of another person’s love? The answer for all of these should be yes!

Finally, be patient. I hear you sighing as you read this last bit, but please believe me. Enjoy a girl’s company without thinking if this could be ” your great love”. Girls can smell desperation and it is a turn off for most. The only girls that will stick around are the ones that don’t love themselves and who are looking for love from you. They’ll be very insecure and will be quite needy. This will probably be a turn off for you!
I’m 35 and have been single for 3 years now, I’ve been in only one big relationship and never married. Of course I have days where my heart longs for love, but I know it’ll happen one day and I’m going to take time enjoying my company, exploring this beautiful world that we live in and making lots of memories and friends along the way until I meet someone who wants to share their life with mine.
Life is short, so make the most of it. Why not spend some time making some memories of your own? They’ll be perfect to tell the girl of your dreams when you’re snuggled up in front of the fire one day 🙂
With love
Karen x