Hey Anita..We reached India safely and I started thinking already .On top of that I have I have jetlag so unable to sleep through the night.Yesterday was my kids birthday and I wanted to decorate a certain way so asked my husband for help.He then asked his father how we should do it and involved him.He did the entire decoration his way and i stayed out of it out as i dont like his involvement.I asked my husbands help to help me with my kid.He said ok but then his father was going outside and he told me he wanted to help his father and he told me take care of the kiddo.When i insisted him that i need his help he helped me to some extent and then left.On top of that his grandmother is commenting about the way i was dressesd.I wore an indian wear but she wanted me to wear a saree which i dont like.I said no.Then she insisted to wear a scarf to cover my breast.I was dressed modestly witha full length top but she still expects me dress like the way she wants to and my husband didnt say anything.She doesnt even leave me kid.She wants my kid to wear certain things.My kiddo is finding hard to adjust on top of that her constant judgements.She even commented on my certain things i did.If she was my grand mom i would have told her on her face.I kept quiet because talking back to elders is wrong in my in laws house.Its just me ranting.As usual my husband is a mans child and i hate it.I have to deal with this shit one more week.So i am just ranting.

How are you doing ?

Thats so true. The hatred towards others is effecting me the most.

Sorry for the rant.

I dont suppress myself at home. Luckily I am pretty transparent with my parents and husband. I feel safe around them.Its just when i am with my in laws and co workers or with new people.I know it takes lot of practice to come out of that shell. Yeah its tiring sometimes.

Hey Anita. I am flying on friday. I still have time.Its just i was busy packing stuff during the long weekend.So i couldnt reply. Its just I am worried about peoples(in laws and relatives) judgement. I dont have the confidence to stand up for myself and be assertive. Lately i feel like i am living my life for others.I am a people pleaser.Due to this anxiety it would be hard for me to face peoples judgementin India. I fear i would get yriggered and get into that rabbit hole.The other big thing is my fear with procession of hindu gods. That would take when i am vacationing in India. I am worried that would trigger me.

I feel like its affecting our relationship. We have lot of disagreements when it comes to parenting. We both are losing our peace of mind because of her tantrums. Sometimes he takes out that anger at me and I take it out on him. It sucks.