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Viewing 15 posts - 46 through 60 (of 73 total)
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  • #433522
    Zenith
    Participant

    My husband was sitting without even wearing a shirt but nobody tells him anything.I dont like the gender bias.The expectations of an indian laws or their family is so patriachal and so frustating.My religious  ocd got triggered when his grandmom was telling me to cover my breast.When i come back to usa it reminds of that shit and makes me feel guilty when i dress certain way and these people have no idea about it.

    #433523
    Zenith
    Participant

    Sometimes it makes me feel like i shouldnt have married.I am glad that we are in usa where i gave the freedom to wear what i want to,be the way in want to.If i would have stayed in India my marriage would have definitely resulted in divorce.I cant deal with a man who is always  worried about what his parents think.

    #433527
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Zenith:

    I thought about you earlier today and am happy you posted to vent.. I missed you venting!

    Good thing you reached India safely, not a good thing that you didn’t get to decorate your way for your kid’s birthday. It’s traditional, patriarchal society, as you know, there’s a strict hierarchy in the family (I know you hate it).

    On top of that his grandmother is commenting about the way I was dressed. I wore an Indian wear, but she wanted me to wear a saree which I don’t like. I said no. Then she insisted to wear a scarf to cover my breast. I was dressed modestly with a full length top“- I know you hate that!

    I kept quiet because talking back to elders is wrong in my in laws’ house… My husband was sitting without even wearing a shirt but nobody tells him anything. I don’t like the gender bias“- I understand how difficult it is for you to not speak up, to submit to the ways of elders, and to not be treated equal to a man. You are a true feminist, Zenith!

    I am glad that we are in USA where I have the freedom to wear what I want to, be the way in want to. If I would have stayed in India my marriage would have definitely resulted in divorce. I can’t deal with a man who is always  worried about what his parents think.“- good thing indeed that you live in the U.S., and soon enough you’ll be back here. Try to have peace of mind for the rest of the visit. I want to write more Thursday morning (my time, about 12 hours from now). You are welcome to post again before I am back to your thread.

    anita

    #433548
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Zenith:

    We reached India…his grandmother is commenting about the way I was dressed… As usual my husband is a man child… I don’t like the gender bias… I can’t deal with a man who is always worried about what his parents think“-

    pew researching. org/ how indians view gender roles in family and society (March 2022):  “About nine-in-ten Indians agree with the notion that a wife must always obey her husband… even Indians who have completed college sometimes do overwhelmingly endorse traditional views on gender-related issues. For instance, large majorities among those with a college degree (80%) and those with less education (88%) agree with the notion that wives must always obey their husbands… Across a variety of measures, Indian men are more likely than women – but only slightly – to take a traditional view of gender roles. For instance, 82% of men say that when there are few jobs, men should have more rights to jobs, compared with 77% of women who share this perspective”.

    “Families tend to place higher value on sons rather than daughters – a custom broadly referred to as ‘son preference.’ Adult sons traditionally live with their parents… daughters often live with their husbands’ parents and fulfill obligations toward their in-laws… Indians tend to be more conservative than people in most other countries surveyed when it comes to gender dynamics in the home and in the economy”.

    I am adding: according to the survey, there are big differences between regions: for example, 61% of the surveyed people in Telangana (a southern state) say that sons should be the primary caretakers of aging parents vs 37% in Jharkhand (Hindi Belt) and 11% in Meghalay (a north east India).

    On a positive note for a feminist like you, Zenith (from the same source): “In recent years, Indian society has paid increased attention to improving the status of daughters – the government’s Beti Bachao, Beti Padhao (‘Save the girl child, Educate the girl child’) program, for example, seeks to prevent sex-selective practices during pregnancy and to ensure educational opportunities for girls by conducting public awareness media campaigns, among other policies”.

    I hope that you are feeling better this Thursday late evening (8 pm in India).

    anita

    #433552
    Zenith
    Participant

    Thanks for the insight Anita. I am trying to let go off the judgements and I am feeling better . I am just feeling exhausted by dealing with lot of people. Everybody has a say in everything. They dont even spare my 6 year old daughter.

    #433553
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Zenith:

    You are welcome, and good to read that you are feeling better! No wonder you are exhausted: being around a lot of people who talk a lot is exhausting, plus it’s after 10 pm, late.

    anita

    #433555
    Zenith
    Participant

    Yeah.I am working remote from India during the PST timings.

    #433556
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Zenith: a hard worker! How many hours of sleep do you get???

    anita

    #433557
    Zenith
    Participant

    I would say 5hrs.

    #433558
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Zenith: no wonder you’re exhausted. How long into the night are you working? (I thought this was vacation time for you, not work time!) And what is everyone else doing while you are working.. sleeping?

    anita

    #433572
    Zenith
    Participant

    I came here for two months.Unfortunately my company will not give me time off fot two months.So i told them i will be working remote and took off for only 5 days.yes everybody else sleeps.I take a nap during afteenoon.

    #433576
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Zenith:

    I see. I am guessing that when you said one more week of this, you meant that you will be staying at your mother’s for the rest of the visit while your husband stays with his parents. I hope you have a special time with your mother.

    anita

    #433671
    Zenith
    Participant

    You are right. I will be leaving to my mothers place at the end of this week and spend the rest of the vacation with her.

    #433672
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Zenith:

    I bet you are looking forward to spending the rest of your vacation with your mother. I hope you get along with your sister (who I believe is living with your mother still).

    anita

    #433673
    Zenith
    Participant

    I am on good terms with my sister. Not sure how long will that last…lol.

Viewing 15 posts - 46 through 60 (of 73 total)

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