I am planning not to go to visit India at the same time my co sister its been mentally effecting me.

I know thats an excellent idea but I am scared of hurting my husbands feelings. He is very close to his brother.
My MIL has lot of generational trauma.MY MIL was treated by like that by her parents. Thier parents always used to favor her younger sibling who is a son. Her mom always holds her son above her inspite of my mil taking care of her.
Her mother is very respectful to her son an dil but not to her daughter. My MIL never expresses her feeling or sets any boundaries with her mother.
She is always worried about people judging her.
What really angers me is she dumps all these generational trauma on me but my co sister doesnt have to deal with this shit. The comparison is killing me I guess.

What you’re describing isn’t just about your mother-in-law—it’s a pattern your mind falls into when something touches a deeper fear: being sidelined, compared, or not valued equally. You saw a similar loop with your friend last year, and now it’s showing up here. That doesn’t mean the situation is trivial—it means your brain is very sensitive to perceived imbalance in relationships, and once it locks on, it replays it.Let’s separate a few things, because right now they’re tangled together:

1. What actually happened vs. what your mind is doing nowYour in-laws treated you generally well.There were specific moments of unequal treatment (rooms, attention, expectations).You chose to go along to avoid conflict.That last part is important: you didn’t “fail”—you made a protective decision in the moment. Now your brain is rewriting it as “I should have said no,” which creates guilt and rumination.

2. The real trigger isn’t the jewelry or the room
It’s this feeling:“I’m expected to give more than I receive, and I don’t feel equally respected.”That’s a valid emotional reaction. But your response has swung to the other extreme:From people-pleasing in the moment → to self-blame afterwardFrom avoiding conflict → to mental over-attack on yourselfNeither is actually giving you control.

3. Why you feel “stuck” setting boundaries
You’re trying to set boundaries retroactively, inside your head. That never works. Boundaries only exist in real-time behavior.Also, right now your definition of a boundary is too loaded. You’re thinking it has to be something like:“I refuse to do this”or “I confront her directly”But most healthy boundaries are much quieter and less dramatic.

4. What would a realistic boundary look like here?
Not a confrontation. Something like:If she asks about jewelry → you briefly show it and move on, without over-explainingOr: “I’ll show you later” (and maybe you don’t)Or simply not volunteering information going forwardA boundary is not about fairness. It’s about what you choose to participate in.

5. About the “special treatment” imbalance
You’re not wrong to notice it—but trying to “correct” it is where the suffering comes from.Family hierarchies (especially with elder sons, etc.) often come with built-in favoritism. You likely won’t change that dynamic. The more useful question is:“How much do I want to emotionally invest in their approval?”Right now, it’s a lot—and that’s why it hurts this much.

6. The rumination loop (this is the part to interrupt)
Your brain is doing:Replay → “I should have…”Compare → “They got better treatment…”Self-critique → “I couldn’t even set a boundary…”That loop feels productive, but it’s not solving anything. It’s just reinforcing the anxiety.When it starts, try something very concrete:Say (mentally): “That decision is already done.”Then redirect to a present action (even something small like washing dishes, texting someone, stepping outside)You’re not trying to “win” the argument in your head—you’re exiting it.A more honest reframe of what happened:
You were in a social situation with power dynamics. You chose harmony over conflict.
Now, with distance, you wish you had acted differently. That’s not weakness—that’s hindsight.The real shift isn’t “I should have said no back then.”
It’s:“Next time, I’ll respond a little differently—even if it’s just 10% more honest.”

This is what chatgpt told me LOL. I just pasted the thread thats here from last year.

Why do you think I am sensitivity to imbalances in relationships ?
I know I overreact but nobody likes unfairness right ?
The other day my co sister was saying to me, that his husband gets special treatment.
Of course she doesnt obsess like me but even she doesnt like it too.