Dear Cali Chica:

The turning point already happened and you are no longer walking the “late teenage” road. Adulthood, wise adulthood is your new road. I did like your imagery and see it in my mind’s eye. I see you walking on that late-teenage road in your snazzy wonder costume and then turning into the adulthood road dressed in a “slim nude colored dress: clean lines, simple silhouette, and natural”. What an exquisite visual.

It is wise that you look for future local opportunities in nyc as well as in other parts of the country and provide your husband.. and yourself a safe, calm home.

I think I understand why your job market is way bigger than your husband’s- all hospital surgeries require anesthesia, but he does very specific surgeries, so a particular hospital needs let’s say 100 general surgeons, but only 2 specific surgeons like your husband, and… 50 anesthesiologists (I am guessing, trying to understand in principle, correct me, will you?)

You wrote: “I don’t think I have ever felt this… The anticipation before anything exciting as a child. But as an adult- nope- just fear. Fear before events.. just vague dull- lack of joy”-

I am not clear and I want to understand this better:

1. Do you remember feeling anticipation, that calling of the wild energy when you were a child or do you just assume that you felt it then?

2. Do you not remember feeling this way ever, as an adult?

3. The fear before events, that vague dull lack of joy- tell me more about it. (You mentioned N’s wedding when you were about 24, you felt rushed to see the whole wedding .. and the recent London wedding, there as well?)

anita