Hi Apple Tree,

i have been dealing with a similar situation, but on the other side. I fell deeply in love with someone, i wasn’t looking, but we just had chemistry. They felt like home, long periods of staring in each other’s eyes. All the fairytale things you hear about on tv that I never knew to be possible. When I think of it it sometimes doesn’t make sense, given this society & all the things it teaches us psychologically about soulmates not existing or we have multiple (which is true). But my heart has been & will always be for this person, even when I finally move on. They are home. Even when they would push me away, I could look in their eyes & see myself. I have done similar things before so I can’t judge them.

they are in a longtime relationship and I believe this person let’s call them L, is afraid to leave their partner because they’ve been together for so long, they don’t trust themselves, & they feel guilt & shame. They are also pretty avoidant and anxious. I also haven’t been the best, I’ve been emotional & judgmental. I was a rock in the beginning but after waiting so long & them not reaching out i became emotional. I was hurt. I too have had relationships before, but never felt chosen or never let anyone close.

I took some time to reflect to figure out my true motives, heal my attachment style & work on my codependency. And I still felt like this person is right. Still do.

yet I don’t feel like they are trying. So I get frustrated and it makes me move on. I don’t know what they are going through emotionally & why it’s so hard for them to open up. I’ve been through a lot myself & kind of had to tough it through so I guess I’m not as sensitive as I could be because I’m jaded about them not opening up .

i love them deeply and just want to be there for them, love , comfort, hold , assure them. I want to build with them even if it means taking baby steps or starting from scratch. And I know it would be hard when they leave their partner if they do and they’d need space – but with communication I can be present and loving , I just need assurance to.

and have I talked to other people? Yes, but no one is clicking like with this person. I know the chemistry -it won’t last forever if we don’t continue or try. But I have hope.

I stay this to give you the other side the other perspective . If you lone this person & they feel like home that is no mistake . We don’t have control over who we love. And when we get older & grow things change & that’s okay. You gotta choose you. And things feel pressing because they are. Don’t let your desires go unattended. Reach out and atleast tell this person how you feel, your concerns , tell them the truth even if it’s vulnerable. And regardless to them wanting to be together or not you would have done a good thing. Spoken up for yourself , choosing yourself .

You do more harm staying With your boyfriend than not because you no longer have feelings for him. Why try to build more and raise a family on unstable land . We need to stop staying with people out of guilt and choose ourselves. So when we do have kids and a family we raise them with true love, and we can stop raising kids in broken homes who need trauma therapy because the denial their parents live in.

again even if it doesn’t work out or it’s too late with the guy you call home. Tell him truly how you feel. And it will let off a huge load.

keep your head up ❤️