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Downward spiral and love

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This topic contains 37 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 week, 2 days ago.

Viewing 8 posts - 31 through 38 (of 38 total)
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  • #307177

    Appletree123
    Participant

    Thankyou anita. The volcano analogy is very accurate. It feels so intense and so overwhelming and real, I do not know what to do until the feeling goes away on its own. It is like being taken over for a time. Brief periods of rest then feeling it all over again. I feel very weary. Since the time with the man we discussed, I have cried more than I have ever done in my life, so many days crying and curled up in a ball or desperate for sleep. My feelings feel scary and too big for me to handle.

    I feel at a loss to know how to move forward eg I do I begin to trust my feelings and trust myself and to make sense of how I feel and not be completely overwhelmed? How do I be active in life and actually IN life, rather than the cycle of numbness then feeling then numbness? Yoga is helpful and so is actively telling myself to notice the small things, but sometimes it feels the emotions are SO much I just want to curl up and cry until it is over. Do you have any advice or experience about dealing with intense emotions and trusting your emotions that you would be comfortable sharing please? If you do not feel comfortable sharing, that is okay with me.

    #307181

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Appletree123:

    “crying and curled up in a ball or desperate for sleep. My feelings feel scary and too big for me to handle”- is what you felt as a baby and young child, and ever since. The baby you were was crying and curled up and scared, feeling experienced as too big to handle, scary in themselves.

    “Do you have any advice or experience about dealing with intense emotions and trusting your emotions that you would be comfortable sharing please?”- yes:

    1. Listen to Mark Williams (or someone else) Mindful guided meditations.

    2. Slow pace yoga (tai chi as well)  practices are two ways to slow the brain and body and increase mindfulness.

    3. Exercise daily, a long walk per day will do, or a long swim per day will do.

    4. Notice a distressing emotion before it escalates, or at the beginning of its escalation and relax right there and then, do something to relax: take that walk, listen to a guided meditation, or to soft music and so on.

    5. Effective psychotherapy will help.

    – you can’t reverse your disassociation by making one decision to do so, such as: from now on I will not disassociate, or from now on I will trust my emotions or whatnot. You have to make multiple decisions every day so to reverse your disassociation after many months of every day decisions: every day of doing 1, 2, 3, 4 and/ or 5.

    anita

    #307225

    Appletree123
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Thankyou anita. It is good to know I am on the right track with 5- therapy and I will add the following to my life. Yoga, guided meditations and long walks/runs are something I do but not consistently and not every day so hearing it from you reinforces the fact it is so important.</p>
    I find 4-noticing the distressing emotion before it escalates to the hardest thing. It feels more like “all or nothing” currently. This is something I know I have to work on.

    Thankyou for your insight and help. 🙂

    #307235

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Appletree123:

    You are welcome. Regarding noticing the distressing emotion before it escalates, when I return to the computer (in about 12 hurs from now) I will copy for you  from a form called Mood Log that my therapist gave me at the time to fill in whenever I feel a distressing emotion. I dont know how to do rows and columns here, so I will describe that form to you best I can. I hope it will be helpful to you.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 4 days ago by  anita.
    #307253

    Appletree123
    Participant

    Thankyou anita. I will look forward to receiving that. 🙂

    #307279

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Appletree123:

    I learned this morning that the Daily Mood Log is available online just as I know it, if you google “daily mood log, pdf” or “daily mood log, james stolz. I hope you print this form and copy so you have a dozen of those to start.

    In the form you describe first a “Situation of Event” that brought about some distress for you, some uncomfortable feelings/ emotions (I use the two words interchangeably). Next, you have lists  of Emotions, and you pick the groups of emotions that you felt as a result of the situation (that was difficult for me, for a long time, to identify my emotions, if this is true to you too, do your best, don’t have to be exact).

    Next, you identify the “Negative Thought” you had during that situation, the thought that brought about your unpleasant feelings. Next is the key aspect of the work here: you look at the negative thought and ask yourself if it is realistic; you look for “Distortions”.

    There is a list of distortions page 2 online. Take your time to study these and ask me if you want me to explain any of these further. Following this, you correct the negative thought and state “Positive Thought”.

    I would use “initial thought” instead of “negative thought” and “realistic thought” instead of “positive thought” because you may be in a situation that is really bad, or negative, so the “negative thought” may be realistic and contain no distortions, and your unpleasant feeling/ emotion therefore fit the reality of the situation, nothing to correct. But often one or more of the initial thoughts is distorted and after identifying the distortion, you can correct the thought.

    After correcting the thought, if it needs to be corrected so to fit reality, the person almost always feels better. In the form you estimate a percentage for how you felt before correcting the thought and after, and how much you believed the initial (Negative) thought before correction and after.

    Here is an example of a situation: you feel very sad because your mother looks so sad. One of the initial thoughts (Negative Thought) was: it is my fault that my mother is sad. Next, you think about it: did I cause her to be sad in this situation… no, she is sad because of this or that and I didn’t cause it.. and you think: what distortion is it?.. emotional reasoning, I feel guilty, therefore I think that I am guilty (when I am not), you get this aha feeling and notice that you are feeling differently about the same situation.

    What this does, in this example, is that next time the person feels guilty he or she will think: I feel guilty but maybe I am not guilty. Just because I feel a certain way, doesn’t mean the feeling is reality.

    I hope you let me know how this form works for you.

    anita

    #307425

    Appletree123
    Participant

    Thankyou very much anita. I will print it off and let you know how I get on in due course.

    #307435

    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, Appletree123. Looking forward to your next post.

    anita

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