Apple Tree,

Thank you for your kind words.

Yes, for me being abandoned by my parents at a young age made me try my hardest to be liked in my growing years and adult years. I always dated a certain physical and emotional type. And I got a lot of knocks on my head for it, so I took two years off to myself to explore and learn in hopes I could identify the pattern & heal it. I thought i had chemistry with these past folks, but it was just my addiction to drama.

The person I met at work, was actually completely different. Appearance wise and emotionally. We were alike in many ways & i felt true chemistry for them, something i’ve never felt before. I fought it for a while, ignored it for a while actually. I began to notice they had feelings and attraction to me, but I was distant. Maybe because I was tired of getting hurt by people. They then began to tell me how they felt, and we both had struggles opening up. I was closed off and distant. And they were vulnerable. I was also in the early stages of dating other people (toxic people similar to those from my past), so was too distracted by comfortable dysfunction and patterns didnt really notice this person. Though I felt deeply connected, a deep love for them, i didnt allow myself to feel it. One day however, I came to my senses, and felt a deep powerful love in my heart for them a deep realization of how much i truly wanted to be with them. I didnt know what to do with it, and i definitely felt it was mutual.

We began arguing because of frustration. I also think they were upset because i had pushed them away and was talking to other people when they tried to open up to me which i hadnt known then but is extremely hard for them. If I had known that, and if my heart wasnt so buried in pain I would have responded and recognized it earlier. But I cant beat myself up about it.

Social media i guess seem like a safe ground to communicate for us where we could get past the job, and maybe for them they didnt feel too bad about communicating with me while they still live with their partner. etc. But we’d communicate daily. I knew I was on their mind daily. And we tried so hard to work things out. But they just werent able to step out, or trust me fully, or take a chance.it is and was a difficult situation.

But like you said in your previous post, if we truly love someone then we want them to be happy no matter what.