Dear Anita,

well it wasn’t that yesterday was a full on lash out in the sense of raising my voice. It was in fact saying the same thing over and over and perseverating over it. Yes frenzied tone and pace. Yes indeed. And then getting angry and saying something like, I can’t take these people treating me this way – and I know it will be of no use if you say something or telling your parents. But it is insane. In what world do you show up to say a thanksgiving and S has done this and her crazy sister in law has called me a whore. He understood completely Felt like I was projecting my anger at the situation out to him, it’s not like he made them act that way or didn’t support me. He had a terribly long day at work and it was the last thing he wanted to come home to, which made me feel bad, but at the same time made me say -something like its not my fault that your family members treated me this way. So then we talked about the concept of how you can’t change these people but learning to like you said be restrained and let things go in the sense of protecting myself.

He also said that once he found out that those cousins are going to come to the event on Saturday, he didn’t feel like there should be any reason that I should come. I said that this made me feel guilty, because I don’t want it to make it a weird thing that I don’t show up to events anymore if they are coming. He says that he totally understands, but he doesn’t expect me to come to something that’s not important that is acutely right after July when all this happened. That of course in a few months I will go to thanksgiving and all and more time has passed. He expected me to not even attend, it was me who went out of my way to try to approach the situation and think about going to a place I will be triggered. Who would actively involve myself.

All in all he was very supportive, but it cost him a huge headache that I was projecting my anger the situation to him. It’s true, no one asked me to go to Saturday, it was all self-induced, I guess that is super Cali Chica acting. And self sabotaging.

YesI think I also felt angry for him not getting angry himself, but realized by the end of the night that he’s learning to not dwell on it because it’s only going to cause him and myself more self harm, you can’t change people who do weird things like that, but if we allow it to consume our evening like we did yesterday then we are the victims and the sufferers. We are.  We were.