Dear Cali Chica:

It will be impossible to access your softness for her because it is dangerous- if you feel soft for her you will want to contact her, to run to her, to run for her to embrace you… and destroy you once again.

So no way.

Until you can distinguish between these two things: your mother as a person and your mother as a role. It is in our genes to love our mothers, no different than it is in the deer’s genes, this is why the young fawn follows its mother wherever she goes and why it is extremely distressed when losing sight of her. It is not about the particular nature of the particular mother doe, it is that she is the mother, a role. Same with you and me- we loved our mothers not because of who she was or is, not because of her character or personality, but simply because of her role, being the mother.

Once you separate the two, you will find yourself feeling soft for the Role but safe from reaching out to the Person as a result of this softness, because you know the difference between Role and Person.

Your thoughts?

anita