Dear Anita,

choose peace.

Our last conversation was about choosing peace. Since then as you probably expected my husband and I have continued to have many conversations about this perspective move. I have noticed that he has been more anxious in the last two weeks than the prior months. As you know he has been calm quite anxious over the last year or so given everything that he has been through with myself and my family. However, I noticed an even more anxious husband in front of me.

Background about myself, I’ve been busy over the last few weeks trying to secure a job for myself. At first it seemed quite easy out there as they were multiple options, but In reality there are a few options for me. I am waiting on one major hospital, and likely have options at two smaller places. All in all, it would likely work out for me. And hopefully I end up at a location that is a good environment. I also know that moving to an entirely different region and you don’t always know the climate at first, especially the medical climate. Therefore I might end up in a job for a year that is OK, and then once I move there I can figure out the best option for me or over long-term.

so back to my husband,

He has started thinking a lot about how perhaps making the move to California is not the best decision. The more that he thinks about it the more he feels that the job he is in currently in New York City is actually not as bad as he thought months ago. He is noticing changes right in front of his eyes. He is noticing that there are additional staff members that are hired to make things easier hopefully, and he is also becoming less sensitive to many of the issues that he was faced with such as some of the negative demeanor and attitudes of many people – Of course and unfortunately in many ways come with living in New York City (and other places too of course). In many ways it sounds like one of those you don’t realize what you had until it’s gone sort of things, but perhaps now that we are sitting here and physically planning out a move, it is hitting him. Is it the right decision? Also, his parents are 74 years old. They are in good health, but not getting any younger. His father had a knee replacement last year, and had a mild cardiac event a few months ago. Unlike my parents they are not the type to catastrophize or dramatize anything, and they never expect us to drop everything and be by there side. But as you know, from talking with me over the years, they are wonderful people. And therefore of course we want to be there for them in their old age. Next situation, having children will Be in our plan in the next few years. Of course given that I am 34 years old and we do feel ready for that next chapter 1 sweetie stabilize our life and jobs and everything. We have her time and time again from everyone that the most important thing is to have family around. Of course in our case the only family that this means is his parents as my parents are not in the picture. I have told you in the past that his parents are pretty much retired, they are very deeply ingrained in your community in this area. Yet, they would be open to relocating once we have children at least for part time.  Be in our plan in the next few years. Of course given that I am 34 years old and we do feel ready for that next chapter 1 sweetie stabilize our life and jobs and everything. We have her time and time again from everyone that the most important thing is to have family around. Of course in our case the only family that this means is his parents as my parents are not in the picture. I have told you in the past that his parents are pretty much retired, they are very deeply ingrained in your community in this area. Yet, they would be open to relocating once we have children at least for part time.  I’m not saying this for the sense of having them as source of full-time help, but for the sense of having them see our children grow up and of course have wonderful grandparents. There is nothing like good family members – that is the key.

Perhaps all of this seems like it’s coming out of nowhere, but over the last few weeks since Thanksgiving we continue to have talks back-and-forth, the last few days I’ve seen my husband become increasingly stress, and so I finally got it out of him, what is truly bugging him. We had this above conversation for hours and hours. I thought about it too. What do I think? And I go back-and-forth. I thought I would write some of this here. I will also think through my thoughts a little bit more and reply more.
good morning to you Anita, Sorry if I haven’t been as consistent in writing on here, as you see we have been almost paralyzed with this decision and someways.