Dear Anita,

Good morning. So much progress so little time.

I have a lot to say and it’s hard to organize it in a sequence, so I figured I will just start. I will let things flow and hopefully get to it all.

First of all, I didn’t comment about what you stated, the dread that you felt that perhaps I was going to end contact. When you read my statement of “maybe it’s best…

It’s not surprising actually, think about it, this recently happened with you and my sister. We aren’t exactly the same, but it wasn’t long ago. You did develop some affection towards my sister and some degree of attachment, which quickly ended. Anytime any kind of relationship ends quickly or drastically like that it does affect us of course. It’s a slight shock -obviously much more if the person is extremely important to you.

Reading a certain language for me probably triggered that and you thought wow, again!

Also everything that you wrote about your mother it makes perfect sense. Something pleasant and positive has to be followed up by negative. I know exactly what you mean when it comes to this. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop, too good to be true. All of that!

but no worries Anita- that is not the case here!

I woke up today and I had a lot of thoughts swimming around in my head. Here’s the first one, it may not go in sequence in what we have been writing -but it is important for me to get many of these out, because it is processing the relationship that I have had with my sister. You did a wonderful job of bringing up these old quotes,  because it brought me back especially to that time when we were visiting California last year, and how much my experience with her overshadowed everything. That was very key.

SoLet’s say her diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, BPD, is official. Let’s leave it at that I will get back to that. Obviously a very very crucial point.  The MOST CRUCIAL!!

So, about 2 1/2 years ago before I was going to go no contact, you likely remember me saying something to you. I told you that my husband had this concern, that if I want no contact with my parents, it would make things much worse for my sister. Which I understood would likely be true as well. I mention this to you and you had a good response, you mentioned how it may be true but at the end of the day the people are really negative and toxic for all, so it is not a reason to stay in contact with my parents. Something of that sort.

so I know it’s not a game of who harassed who more, but I did put a lot on my sister. During the time I want no contact, on February 15, 2018. My parents called her thousands of times overnight, while she was in Phoenix. By herself. The next morning I also bombarded her with millions of text messages. I was an emotionally unraveled person, and I was not Messerli thinking of her state. After this time, I was no contact with my parents. I did not communicate with my sister about her happenings with my parents. But I know for sure that things were much worse with her during this time. You know this as well. It got so bad for her that she too wet no I’ll contact. I know in a way this is almost a good thing. It led her to make this decision that was likely best for her future. However, the key here is that because of me things were worse for her. I recall a few years back I had not gone home for Christmas, instead I had gone to my in-laws. Something like that. Well when my sister came home for Christmas, they were entirely silent with her. Because they were so angry with me and what I had done, they punish her.

There were many times where I did not think about what was going on in my sisters life and continue to text and bombard her with all of my drama. Issues with my mom things like this over and over. I know I did it.
I’m not saying all this to excuse her behavior now, but it does make sense that my sister is so angry and resentful of me, perhaps now more than ever. She likely feels that she has gotten so much crap and burden from my parents over these past two years because of me that it made her life a living hell. But in reality, I know that showed her the truth pathology that is my parents and of course it made her leave.  The other thing is that I think deep down inside she gets angry when I place boundaries such as, I can’t talk about this right now, etc. She’s probably thinking in her head, what about all those times where you used to bombard me at any hour when mom was going crazy on you. What about that?

I respond to this now if somebody was to ask me by the following. I didn’t know better then, I was not on the path. I was not on the journey. Now that I do know better, I don’t treat others this way. I have respect for other people’s time, and what they are going through in their old life. I will try my best not to bombard anyone with what I am going through if I know that they cannot handle it. In fact, I am developing my own coping skills so that I don’t actually have to unload on others all the time in general. That is true adult hood and emotional maturity.

So yes I think that is my answer. But her more recent anger and resentment likely comes from all of this plus of course a lifetime of other things but we don’t have to get to that.

Next, I recall at that birthday she said something about how I really need to change, and that even Anita said the same thing. I didn’t ask further because I know that the relationship that you and her had was in confidence. But what she was trying to insinuate is that her and yourself, we’re going to have some sort of intervention with me for my behaviors.

When I heard this, I felt like well I probably do need this help, I have been acting pretty bad especially to my husband, and I get so frenzied I can’t control it.  I wonder what that intervention was going to entail, you don’t have to talk about it I Needa. It’s probably not relevant now anyway. But it seems like my sister was very defiant and in emphatic, thinking gosh, Cali Chica you need help, even Anita says so!!!!! Roar.
Yes her roar is directed towards people. She has lots of anger towards people. If you take me out of this equation right now and think about her friends. All she does is have anger and negativity towards her friends. It’s true.

I have a lot to say about the borderline aspect of things, it’s very enlightening to me. But I will wait for your reply this morning.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by Cali Chica.