you expressed that you are suffering on page 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and 5 and 6 and 7, so I believe that yes, you are suffering a lot

but everyone does, its just life, everyone has problems, if i do something now i know i will have more, i know i will be suffering more if i live life, if i had a son and he had the same problem i would just let him be, life is already hard and ugly, why make it twice as hard ?

I remember your teacher, I remember. You compared me to that teacher- but what did I teach you, Murtaza?

Answer: nothing. This mean.. I am not a teacher to you

its not just my teacher, a few people that i used to talk to and like them because they are kind, and you did teach me some stuff, when you told me about my relationship with my mother, how i wanted to protect her but couldn’t and because of that i have low self esteem and other problems, i could name a few more if you want.

imagine this: a person likes to beat himself with a belt (there are people like that, you know), and he wants someone to watch him beat himself with a belt, it makes him feel warm and ok. Should I provide that service for this person… should I watch him beat himself with a belt?

would you rather him living with anxiety, stress, suicidal thoughts making him over the edge, miserable ? this is what the other option is, and i dont know how to deal with it, with the constant stress and anxiety and wanting to give up, i might do something worst then beating myself with a belt.

Answer: no. If I provided that service, to be an audience for a person who makes himself suffer., it would make me a bad person. I don’t want to be a bad person, Murtaza.

i understand, it makes me sad, its ok though, i like that you exist and you are a real person, at least after a long day of “belt beating” i could imagine someone kind to me.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Murtaza.