I am so sorry anita, this wasn’t my Intentions at all, please if you give me another chance just to explain myself, please antina, i really do need your help, and i do want to apply it in the real world.

You don’t want to live any differently than you are living now, which you suggest is not really living life (“I will be suffering more if I live life”). You want to continue to .. not live life,

Yes you are correct, i stated this many times, so you understand who i am and what i want,

and you want to have a person at the end of the day be kind to you

No antina, i value your time, and i also don’t count on people, i will never use you like this.

“I like that you exist and you are a real person, at least after a long day of ‘belt beating’ I could imagine someone kind to me”-

Yes, imagine anita, i would never waste your time and energy just for you to be kind to me, i understand that you like helping people and i am here for that, and im sorry if i did waste your time and energy, this won’t happen again, if you don’t wanna replay to me i understand, i always felt that i sound hateful when i talk to poeple.

You didn’t ask for help in trying to understand your emotions and motivations; in trying to understand how you came to believe what you believe about life, about yourself and other people; you didn’t ask for help to learn anything new from me, and you didn’t ask for help in changing anything at all about your attitude and way of life.

This is what i really came here for, even though i didn’t sound like it, i do want to understand myself, my emotions and motivation, i don’t even know what to ask, or how to ask it, i did learn some stuff from you anita, and i want to learn more, i will ask the right questions this time anita starting from now.

you clearly asked for help to achieve this one goal and only this one goal: to cry again and feel warm inside.

I still want to achieve it anita, you never said anything about it, i thought when you started to ask about life that i need to change myself in order to do that, to change my whole life, to travel and get therapy in order to do that. I would gladly follow any advice you give me, i respect your opinion.

you are welcome to print it and hang it in your room, so it’s always there for you.

No need anita, i will always remember you, even if you didn’t want to talk to me anymore. Im just thankful that i know you and talked to you once, i really wish that it continue.

I am here for you, cry as much as you need to cry and I will figuratively wipe your tears with my heart.

Thats so beautiful anita, thank you so much, i will never forget these words.

I promise if you decide to replay to me there would be no more me asking you to be kind or anything, just advices just your help, which it seems i don’t deserve, i don’t know how to ask for advices, or help, i never did before, i will try anita, please forgive me,

I will start with this, how do i cry again? I just can’t be vulnerable with myself, its really hard, i think i can cry, but i hold it, because it feels bad to cry, i remember i used to think its weak, so i used to hold it, its just so painful when i cry, it hurts, i like to be sad and i wish i continue to be sad for a while when i get the feeling, but it goes fast, could you ask me about this? Things i missed, Or didn’t mentioned, Im sorry if im asking too much.

i think if you don’t replay it would be better for you, cause im nothing but a waste of your time, i really mean this anita, im not just saying it for sympathy, i know this, i don’t have nothing to offer and im not very nice either or my personality, this is why i don’t talk to people,

thank you anita