Thanks Tim for showing some faith in me and understanding my perspective.

I called her last night,  I just didn’t want to long it out.  I said please give me a few minutes to get this off my chest, then you can respond however you like and I’ll respect your choice.

I told her I had been thinking, wanted to be direct and honest. That I regret what happened and taking accountabilty and apologising was not to win her back it was to give her the peace, full closure and respect she deserved back then and amend for the pain I caused.

I said I’d really been reflecting on my future and what I wanted from an adult relationship. It was someone who believed in me, cared, supported me emotionally and encouraged me to be better, someone who will be the warmth for the old achy bones when I’m old.

It made me realise I had everything I had ever needed and I let it go. I told her I would love the opportunity for us to reconcile so I can show her the man she saw in me. I told her I see her as someone I want to be with long term and wifey, I was willing to take it at her pace because the connection we shared was special, she was the only person I’ve been my raw self with. I told her to not ask for a chance would forever play on my mind because we have the potential to foster a healthy, happy life together.

I told her she has changed my life already in so many ways and it was her who had helped save me from drowning in my pain and past. I said I wanted to be that person for her too not just the one who sucked her into his darkness. One who could shine bright with her and help her too when she was having a bad day. Most of all I wanted to do right by her and will respect any outcome.

She was silent for a bit after, felt like an eternity. She said she wasn’t expecting that at all. She had genuinely been touched by the apology and accountability in person but had closed that chapter many months ago by herself but was so happy to see I had matured and growth was happening. It made all the pain worthwhile for her.

She said she would be lying if she said she hadn’t wished we would reconcile at one point. There had been times she had wanted to contact me because she never stopped caring, but she was respectful. Also she knew in her heart for reconcilliation, I would have to make it happen because she wasn’t the one who was unsteady in her feelings. She said I wanted you but you didn’t want me and that feeling is not easy to overcome. So it had made her moving on easier, she knew she deserved better. Now she said she has reservations. She also said she is happy with where her life is at she is doing well and is always growing.

She said we had an instant soul connection, however the comparisons to the ex, the lack of value to who she was as an individual and being objectified made her believe that I may do that all again especially if she didn’t escalate the physical side because she had made a conscious choice. She mentioned if my self esteem was still healing then the what ifs from insecurities could hold us back again. She said wiping the slate clean and starting afresh sounds easy but would only work if both people have grown and wanted the same things.

I told her I could say many words to convince her but the proof would always be in the pudding.

If she was willing to rediscover each other and the new version of us from growth and start a fresh relationship like we had never met before, it was something I would work hard at and show her through my actions how much I admire and actually respect her. I said I wasn’t looking to be a yes man like I was with ‘A’ but I was looking to be 100% authentic and vulnerable with her, express my feelings and wanted to show her that softer side, the romantic side that I had trouble accepting after my past and was scared to invest out of fears.

I said I had arrived at the same point as her wanting a serious relationship that nurtures value, respect and love for one another. That communication between us had been good and it would go strength to strength that now i wasn’t afraid, i had healed and let go of my past.

I told her that the time I spent with her was the time I felt my best, grew in confidence and felt challenged to be and do better.

I wanted to invest for a long term relationship, a future with her and respect her values, to communicate if we hit a bump and show her I was driven to foster a healthy relationship with her.

I said I didnt want her to feel pressured to make a choice, I wanted what would make her happy because she spent all that effort and energy the first time making me happy and I know I was too immature back then to acknowledge what an awesome, intelligent, generous and caring woman I had.

If she wants me to not be a part of her life, I’ll accept it and hope my apology and remorse helped her even a little. I would wish her happiness and know damn well whichever man ends up with her will be one lucky son of a gun!! I told her, I understood if, she would rather invest emotional energy into someone new who was capable of valuing her right away.

She said it was a lot to digest, said we had never been toxic or abusive, she had felt the potential for a long lasting relationship was there but it could have been an illusion. She doesn’t know the implications it could have on me if we reconciled then she felt it wasn’t right for her because she had grown too.

I felt her confusion and told her I’m sorry. I told her to think about it. I told her to think what’s best for her, not the implications on me if it didn’t work out because I know now I wanted to take the risk, I had grown to be brave enough to face my issues and felt sure within myself the growth i had been doing would set us up for a beautiful future together. I said I know I took granted and disrespected her but I will show her I will not repeat those grave mistakes.

She said she didn’t want to be cruel and take too long but she would need the weekend to just think. I said take your time. I look forward to taking you out on our first date. (I wanted to show her confidence in my choice)

I just have to sit tight and wait. Which is the hardest part. What do you think based on above is is 50/50? @Tim @Shelbyville @Sammy @Kkasxo ?

• This reply was modified 4 years ago by Danny.