@Danny

Bro there are a few things that are happening here, brace yourself:

1. You are falling in love
2. Suffering anxiety as you do

How do I know? I’ve been there. It gives you a strange mixture of hope and guilt.

You’ve found someone who accepts you for who you really are without the pretense we put up to impress others, she has seen the flaws, the weaknesses and has CHOSEN to be with you. It’s unreal right? It feels incredible! That my friend is REAL LOVE….

…but at the same time your mind will do everything it can to remind you of why you are not enough for this special person. It will throw out the… “You hurt this beautiful woman. You don’t deserve her etc etc…” therefore making you feel dread too.

You’re in a battle now and it’s with yourself, it’s up to you to overcome it, if you want a meaningful, deep partnership because if you get over this obstacle and let it develop that is exactly what it will be given your descriptions of your wonderful lady.

I suspect during that initial 6 months when you were together the first time, you actually began to fall for her then subconsciously but were very unaware of your feelings because it got pushed down amongst your brain working overtime to sabotage as a way to protect you after what happened with ‘A’  and that’s why you ended up hurting her and believing you didn’t belong together. You know all this. You are a self aware and intelligent guy. So utilise that side to keep pushing through the self doubt.

Now you are equipped with the knowledge that you care about someone else’s life more than your own and that’s why you feel sad for what you did. It hurts even more knowing you hurt someone you love.

As @Shelbyville said we all are fallible and make mistakes, you need to forgive yourself, if that means taking a confession or making a spiritual connection with God to seek repentance than do that. She can’t give you the redemption, you need to find that within yourself.

You need to also be aware ‘B’ will along the line disappoint you, make a mistake and when that happens its your time to show the compassion she showed you. That is accepting her, for her flaws. You have to CHOOSE her, don’t be afraid to.

Falling in love mate is a beautiful thing you are being vulnerable and it will feel intense. This time the only difference is you need to get to a place where you believe that you truly deserve her love, her kindness and by offering her the same will help nurture an equal footing in the relationship.

Don’t ruin it by running in abject fear again. Come on here myself,  @Shelbyville, @Kkasxo will be your guidance so you don’t spiral into self sabotage. Forgive yourself, it so clear you have someone very good for you mate. A person who really understands the essence of who you are and deep down every person craves that more than anything. So don’t throw it away because I can guarantee there will not be another chance with her.

If you let this grow by spending time in her presence, respecting her boundaries you’ll realise more than the sex you’ll start to just want the comfort of her being close to you.

Enjoy her company, let it flourish, take time because in my opinion saying ‘I love you’ should carry weight and be a commitment to accept and cherish that person no matter what. So don’t just say it as a grand gesture. Wait until you feel stable and have proven to each other in your actions that you really will honour those words.

I have faith in you mate. Believe in yourself! You have more control than you think, each decision leads us down a path, don’t go down the REGRET route again or it will just prove you haven’t learned or grown from the mistakes you made with her before.

• This reply was modified 4 years ago by Tim.