Good morning Anita,

I hope you are doing well! I want to start by saying thank you for the support you have provided me over what has been years now, whether you know it or not you have been incredibly helpful for my growth.

It’s been a while since i’ve posted here so ill just catch you up a bit…Me and my roommate had covid, i was completely fine with no symptoms and she was okay as well. I felt very relieved to get it over with.

Since march i quit talking to my mom for about 5 months, my non-communication began causing problems for my sister in her household. My sister finally understood what i’ve been trying to communicate to her for a few years now which is, our mom is too dependent on us for her emotional well being. Because of my non-communication my mom began going to therapy and is still in it. I have seen her twice this year, and its easier than ever to detach from her emotionally, thanks to alot of the work we’ve done here and with my therapist.

I talked with my dad in person for the first time in a year over thanksgiving, and it was exactly what i expected. He talked about himself and didn’t really ask how i was until my uncle called him on the phone in the middle of our interaction and asked how i was. Since march I have reached an acceptance on an emotional level i haven’t before that for the rest of my life my parents will never be what i need them to be.

Where I’m at now after doing some reflecting this morning is this…I notice that emotional safety needs are whats keeping me from being my best self. I don’t know where to find emotional safety in other people or myself. When im scared and dont feel emotionally safe is when my negative core beliefs are activated (i.e. im worthless, unlovable, etc) This is also when suicidal ideation comes up for me, telling me i need to find safety.

When i feel emotionally safe whether that’s connecting with a good friend, or the rare moments when i have a healthy romantic relationship those beliefs are replaced with much healthier sounding beliefs, and i feel good about myself, and motivated to do more good in the world, reach out to people, be vulnerable, courageous, etc.

I was wondering if you had any thoughts on how to exist feeling emotionally safe while alone? I have my roommate and she has been a great friend, but is not the best safe place as she gets into “fix it” mode with people when they come to her with feelings, and i just need to be seen & heard, so i’ve learned shes not the best place for that. I have my friend back in my hometown who always listens with patience but i dont get to see him that often anymore thanks to covid. I have a friend in the city i live now who i see about twice a month who is a good listener but i feel i need more than that. I still struggle with wondering if i even need to be looking outside myself for human connection at all.