@Dannydan I am so sorry you’re having such a hellish week. I’m so sorry I couldn’t reply sooner. @Jay2023 and you have a bromance brewing there and I’m so glad you were leaning on each other. I know female advice doesn’t always hit the mark.

She’s not testing you, I would be astounded if she was based on what we know of her character, so don’t go down that path or think those dangerous thoughts like you did the first time and thought she was only with you out of pity🤦🏼‍♀️ leading to resentment. It will make you lose trust in each other and harm your relationship unnecessarily.

It appears she is scared and feeling very vulnerable. Why is the magic question? I’m sorry I can’t answer that for you unfortunately.

Sometimes even though normally you share great communication it can be difficult to talk through more deeper rooted conflict right away and come to a quick resolution as you usually do. The positive sign is she hasn’t ignored you, she is trying to remain mature and she came to see you the same day she finally read the text. I think she needs time until she feels strong enough to put it into words, all you can do is be patient. I think from the non verbal communication it’s safe to say there is actually still a lot of love there.

To her this fight from the very beginning felt bigger than it did to you and then the rookie mistakes you made added to it, it has definitely triggered something deeper and troubled her.

Like I said as women we detect the smallest of things but overlook them but when something like this happen it just magnifies everything.

Also when you’re as close as you two are (your emotional connection is definitely deep) A fight especially your very first big fight can feel like a real major threat to your sense of security or bond.

I’m sure you’ve heard of make up sex? You were musing about the other one – break up sex to @Jay2023 lol.

Unlike break up sex which quite often is to pump and dump and leaves you feeling used.

Make up sex in a committed relationship can be very healing. She didn’t turn up to test you or even with the intention to have sex (because you two haven’t gone all the way yet.) But that doesn’t change the chemical reaction that can occur especially if you share a deep emotional intimacy things can start getting out of hand without you even knowing. It’s why make up sex is x10 more passionate.

I know this first hand, in that moment she was most likely feeling distress, I bet you she just wanted to feel close to you and comforted and it just ensued.

Just like you she’s human mate, you need to remember that. Maybe the standards you’ve come to expect have started to overwhelm her. She may be strong majority of the time but everyone of us has insecurities and fears.

It is these fears that can activate a persons biological attachment system, which is your body’s way of naturally wanting you to get close again to your loved one.

The hormones your body releases when you’re afraid are the exact same as when you’re turned on so transfer can occur.

You did the right thing in NOT letting it escalate that far. It would have been great sex but she definitely would have regretted the timing. I am sure you both want that first moment to be special and not off the back of an argument.

In fact I’m really proud of you Danny. You’ve come such a long way. You could have taken advantage of her vulnerability in that moment, especially since you described yourself as a red blooded male in your first post. When things have calmed down, she will thank you and respect you even more. I can promise you that. Both @Rheanys and @Jay2023 I’m sure concur. You made the right choice.

A silver lining for you and to cheer you up, the Hopper and Joyce quip made by your friend does hold alot of weight. You seriously do need to “bang” already, so I hope the wedding is sooner rather than later.  Yes I believe there will be a wedding, once you two numpties sort things out! When married you’ll continue to butt heads it’s normal, but the good news is those will inevitably result in you two experiencing throes of passion for sure lol!

Conflict increases sexual desire in some it’s a known fact. Make up sex is a great way to calm things down, feel accepted and connected but you also have to talk things through. Otherwise it can turn like it did for a friend of mine and your partner will feel like a means to an end.

Anyway I suggest you text her one more time and say something along the lines of “I want you to take all the time you need to be ready, but we have to talk this through, I’m worried about you because I love you. We’re a team, ready when you are” then clean up, smarten yourself up and show her the man she chose, be strong this time it looks like she needs it. Listen closely because there will be things said that I’m guessing you are unaware of that have been affecting her. Compromise. I am willing to bet my house, you two will resolve this.