@Jay2023 only because I see you in me somewhat. I’m going to write out something very personal to me which I hope makes you realise you’re not alone.

When I felt really low, combination of the heartbreak and not knowing my own identity, I would spend hours gaming and playing snooker but one day even that wasn’t enough to distract from my inner turmoil. I would then sit and write a text for ‘B’ trying to word and explain to her but not even knowing how to or where to begin. I felt a burden, so instead I ignored her, pushed her away but she was one of the very few who actually intuitively understood and would have done anything to help. I wish I had reached out sooner, I wish I had learned talking is better. Withdrawing just left me alone with my intrusive thoughts and I ended up hurting me, her and my family. My brain tried to tell me I was better off without ‘B’ and she would be happier without me bringing her down with my issues. My brain tried to tell me my family had grew sick of me. My brain told me my friends would be tired I wasn’t moving forward. This can all be terrifying, the feeling of falling into a void or drowning and you can’t escape no matter what you do, each day you get sucked deeper. Everything you once enjoyed doesn’t have any colour. Its this void that I’ve been in and come out of , it was mainly ‘B’ and my family who eventually pulled me out. But I had to take the step by reaching out to those I knew would understand and not just say get over it. I’m proof you can get out of that spell. I’m not saying it’s left me entirely it’s there and I’m working on it, but I’m not in that dark void in depths of water struggling to hold onp. Because I’ve accepted I need help and I’ve accepted help from people who care about my mental health.

It took one text to start the chain of events which has brought me here. I hope that gives you some hope bro , I really do.