@Jay2023 I’m not going to play bad cop I’m very happy to just hear you are actually doing okay! Like I said just a message out of etiquette make a huge difference in allaying worry especially after that previous post and disappearing. @Dannydan stop being misogynistic, you were just as worried about him lol

Jay, what is developing? I’m not going to assume but kind of agree with Danny, must be someome special diverting your usual track of thought. However whatever is going on I hope you too find this thread an anonymous place where we can be real without fear of judgement. It’s great you feel the rose tinted or idealised version of your ex has lifted enough for you to realise that relationship is not worth the mental torture. I do wonder if this is now a solid belief inside you or still fleeting feelings?

I hope to catch up with you soon, please tag as I am less active on here. Would hate to leave you hanging!

@Dannydan I’M TYPING IN CAPS TO DRIVE THIS POINT HOME: S.T.O.P fretting about your initial impression, your lasting impression on a person is what counts. I think @Jay2023 and all can attest to this. I am saddened to hear you men miss out on hearing compliments and pride expressed, something everyone deserves and needs.

I believe as a man for you to have the courage to face your demons and attend therapy, be truthful with your emotions, then to also unreservedly make proper amends and take ownership of your actions is PROOF for how far you’ve come and who you really are!

Just as a reminder and something you should really register is yes you made mistakes but we all do! We all screw up, do something we wish we could take back. The steps after all is said and done shows a person’s true character.
A lot of people don’t own their shit.

You didnt just hide behind your betrayal and depression as an excuse but took full ownership by explicitly state your wrongdoing and made restitution outright to ‘B’ face to face by asking what resolution she needed. This shows you’re not selfish or narcissistic.

Those who are self absorbed or narcissistic FAUXapologise with false concessions. They may apologise but the liars they are it is always to serve their own interest and never backed up with restitution or real admittance.

They focus on soothing their image so may “lovebomb” by showering the other with praise on how amazing the other person is, to manipulate empathy from the other person knowing they are likely to be forgiven without having to take a hit to their fragile egos.

So I don’t know what behaviour activation is but ACTIVATE this: give yourself credit! Whenever you feel that pain for hurting her, your family or others then remember your ability to own your shit. You rectified the mistake in the right manner. You fully balanced the books by taking action. I don’t want to hear again that you think I or anyone else wasn’t impressed! Let it go.

Remember when @Jay2023 joined the thread and you told him there will be many voices, you don’t have to listen to all the voices. Follow your own advice lol!

I’m glad you get my humour, it’s lost on some! I bet you can’t wait and I’ll say a prayer and cross everything for you that the Indian Strain doesn’t delay you further.

I think you’re so eager to grow and develop you will progress well so don’t give up on therapy. How is B? Are you coping better with the wedding prep and extended family jibes? I know you didn’t want to worry B but you can always unload here. Don’t internalise your stress or it will build up.

I have some happy news to share, my bf said the three magic words today, I feel a bit giddy and I love him very much too. Ever since @Jay2023 fabulous message in bottle idea we have really been vulnerable with each other and more intimate. I think I’m ready to take bigger steps towards our future together.

I feel like I finally have a person who sees me for what and who I am, he doesn’t want me to mould or change for him. I feel a freeing feeling when I’m with him. I feel he fully accepts me, he isn’t scared or shy to discuss my feelings. I don’t worry about having to work at something in case his feelings wear off like they did for my ex. I feel security. I’m so happy right now! I know it’s cheesy but I’m excited again.