@Sammy1 mate I’m in awe at your insight and I think once again you’ve hit the nail on its head.

I definitely want to make it clear I do not doubt for one second my choice to commit the very reason for this was because I didn’t rush in, as I told @Rhaenys once it helps to weigh things up objectively and work on yourself first, I can say since I’ve been with B after we started on a clean slate, another woman or my ex hasn’t even come into my thoughts or onto my radar. Considering how red blooded I am that’s credit to B. She has me mesmerised!

I have had doubts about fitting into her life, I thought it would be easier. I didn’t anticipate i would be so affected by the jibes because I’ve never experienced it from someone who is an extension of the person I love. As a child I never was in with the “cool” gang was bit of a misfit but it didn’t hurt like this does because I wasn’t invested in those people. You’re right I’m scared to be rejected by her family and its easy to say only her and I matter but they will always be there and I’m being stupid, I’m scared of rocking the boat because of how much I love her, I know it is going to hurt her no matter what. It’s seeping out though, it needs to be addressed. I can’t keep pushing those feelings down because look what’s is causing.

I also wanted to avoid it because she has had a really rough ride recently, so didn’t need this, when she’s hurt , I weirdly feel more upset and hurt then when experiencing my own pain. I’ve never felt that way before for anyone, it makes me just want to wrap my arms around her and protect her and keep her smiling. However you’re right she’s a very strong person and keeping my real feelings suppressed is just going to boil over. Thank you Sammy you seriously should consider being a therapist. You really can see between the lines and get to the bottom of things. You’ve helped me so much. I’ll give her the letter. I still hope she waits until after as I can survive a few weeks but I don’t want to just survive anymore!

Oh and B is gutted we can’t dance with the guests and have to ask guests to wear facemasks and now carry out a risk assessment for some of the events. This Covid nightmare is never ending. Its dampened the whole magical experience for her. I’m going to pull out the stops for the wedding night. I have the keys and already creating something dreamy. I’ll keep you updated.  I also want to say sorry if you feel I come and vent then disappear. After the wedding I’ll be happy to chat to you about anything.  Thanks Sammy so much!