Hi anita,

I will not quit. Not this time.

But I feel so tired and “sore”. I wish I could be happy while doing this work. I have said that I don’t know what will make me happy, and we’ve discussed earlier as well that healing myself would be the way the work I need to do to be able to experience joy. But, I’m miserable. I have to tear my focus away from the tornado in my chest and use it to get my work done and it is so hard. And there is constantly new stressors that get added. I wish I could figure out how to get my body into a happy state, soothe myself. I am not able to do that.

I tried setting an intention today first thing in the morning, that I will fight anxiety. It did help. I was able to dismiss a lot of fears emerging from meetings at work. But, I am simply swinging between neutral and miserable. I want to feel lighter and happy. I want some happiness. Happiness that doesn’t threaten to hurt. Just a moment of happiness.

Girija