Hi anita

The fear of judgement that gets reactivated around people, how do I win over that? Both in the moment and long-term to ultimately not have it at all.

meaning your mother knows what sweet you like… but she keeps offering you bitterness? – are you speaking metaphorically? I think you are but I sometimes can’t tell if people are speaking literally or not.

– is this a new strategy, or did we already cover this one: keeping you on your toes/ controlling you by any expression of upset in facial expressions or tone of voice? I don’t know if it’s new but it just happened a moment ago. My mother brings up something about a cousin and what she is doing wrong, and I agree with her on some things and not others and my sister has to constantly interject like she is my mother’s attorney. We weren’t arguing, just talking. I feel misunderstood. Why does she feel the need to do that? It’s so stupid. They’ll have a conversation over me. My mom sometimes pretends I didn’t say the sentence I did and move on like I never spoke.  Why does my mom need backup, she is the strongest of the 3? ( These are all rhetorical, I know it is conditioning that has my sister like that, and this dynamic comes from our childhood).

I am going to reduce my interactions with them over time without catching their attention that I’m pulling away. It will help me see if I feel better away from them. I have trouble being by myself, the depression comes back but I’ll see what I can do to change that.

Girija