Hi Tee,
How are you?

So today in my YouTube dashboard One of the Henry Cloud’s video showed up and It really lightened me up. “These Stages Will Help You Change Emotionally Unhealthy Patterns” in this video I’ve realize one of the things about my impatience.
In that he talks about that Realizing that you need to work on your emotional health and you’re already within the supportive group (Thanks to you as well) Which makes You already way down the road. It’s a progress and he gives an example about an oak tree. Like we can’t directly grow a tree. So we have to surrender to the progress first. Planting the seed, taking care and gardening.etc
Which helps for quickly and “NOW” pressure.

 where he said that unless we don’t change anything in our routine, what difference will a flip of the calendar make?  

So True and since we’re habitual creatures it’s not easy to change habits without good enough reason

When is it the hardest for you to be compassionate with yourself? Maybe if you can give me an example?

Hmm I’m not sure about this. And To be honest I don’t have an actual idea how to be really compassionate with myself because most of the time I put other’s need first, Even though I know that this isn’t good for me. Also sometimes I need answers to questions going on my head right away even though it’s a complex questions. Which makes me overthinking and criticizing myself even more.

Remember that you told me about making mistakes? so yeah it’s also there as well
But the some of the things does helping me that I’m trying
Like treating myself like I’m my own best friend

Being Mindful
And I’m not in need of validation from others

So if I understood you well, you are action-oriented and strive to implement new things ASAP, without too much thinking about it and analyzing it in advance, because if you do, you’ll end up overthinking and it will drain your energy. Is this what you’re saying? So you just plunge into it right away, and see what happens?

I do analyze it like a quick analysis and implement it

I want to learn how to be a great leader by the end of the month, and I need to introduce the employee’s feedback box and all these other novelties, because that should help me become a great leader in 30 days” – well that would be putting a lot of pressure on yourself. I don’t know what your attitude is, but perhaps it’s something similar to the latter?

Yes I know that well that being a great leader takes time. But even though in few months I feel like I worked a lot on my soft skills I’m still not proud of myself and still wanting more and more… You know what I mean?

You’re kind of curious and relaxed about the outcome.

This is what I’m trying for yet still sometimes even though I’m sure that it’s not a big deal still I get worried little things for no reason

And too afraid indeed, because you weren’t trying to do anything dangerous or reckless,

Okay so about that, I was doing some things in my childhood that my parents considered reckless. Eg. Skipping my primary school classes sometimes to see lion in the green fields of my village. Or just foxes or deer. But with group of people obviously not all alone. Because It was really exciting for me. I’ve literally seen how lioness gave birth to a lion cub and I still remember that moment vividly.
Another time I was crazy enough to walk down on the unknown road for 12kms just because I wanted to find out where it goes because there wasn’t any sign and I asked one man there what’s there and he laughed and told me why you don’t find out? because I don’ know, So I walked but luckily at the evening time another man from my village was there and he got me back home safely.

My father was furious, and my mom was crying. = more restrictions for me

I was around 8-9 years old that time.

I can relate because my mother refused to buy me a bike, because she was afraid I’d get overrun by a car… And so I’ve never learned how to ride a bike in my childhood, and it got ever more difficult as I got older. I did try it as an adult but never got good at bike riding… because of my mother’s fears.

Oh same thing happened to me for motorcycle. I was last of my siblings to learn a motorcycle because my father was like you can’t learn as your little brother did. My little brother also learned car driving and I’m still not motivated enough to learn driving a car.

But yeah one thing I excel is bicycling. I love it. It gives me more fun vibes. I still listen to classic songs wearing earphones and go for a bicycle ride instead of evening walk sometimes. So if you want you can try to learn again

My mother was certainly like that, and I myself was quite an anxious child too, so I stayed by my mother’s side rather than venturing out to explore the world…

And what about now? Now you have curiosity to explore or you’re already tired?

Luckily, you were a different type. You didn’t allow yourself to get intimidated by them. You ventured out on your own, and dared to try many new things.

Haha yeah one thing I’m proud of!

I wonder if the push to always try new things and never give yourself a break is in part related to your fear of being “subdued” and made dependent/controlled by your parents? A subconscious fear that if you don’t keep moving, they’ll catch up with you and “restrain” you and you’ll lose your freedom?

Hmm I’m not actually worried about losing my freedom because I’m really independent now and my parents knows well about my freedom mindset. But maybe I still have to look deeper about what I’m grateful for and actually be happy about it. Instead of running for one goal to another.

Also another things I want to tell you

One little kitten started to come to my place frequently so she’s kind of my pet now. Even though I don’t know much about taking care of cats I’m loving this 😀

Another thing, So There’s this girl, few months ago and she wanted to be in relationship with me and I told her no and after that we were just talking sometimes. Like two times a week or even less. Nothing Romantic.
But since she told me she found a boyfriend I don’t know why I feel confused. I mean I know well why I told her no because I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I don’t know that why is it happening like it’s the intimacy that I’m craving or it’s just sexual frustration or something else?