Dear Tee,

I am a little better and a little more optimistic, thank you for asking. Having a doctor appointment tomorrow, so we’ll see…

I’m glad to know that, I believe you’ve visited the doctor by now?

He did tell him some wise things indeed. I guess his words – to find out who you are and follow your own path – are an inspiration to you too?

Yes I strongly believing in creating in my own path instead of walking on others path that they’ve created. doesn’t matter how great they were

Haha, no way. I am anxious person, with plenty of adrenaline and cortisol in my system, so no need to feel more alive by scaring myself to death

You literally just made an anxiety joke 😂 But I’m telling you, you can try with very small things first. Maybe it would be helpful for your anxiety.

If so, it seems both of you were pretending…. and eventually you broke it off. So perhaps it can be a lesson for you: that if you pretend, or both of you pretend to be something you’re not, it doesn’t end well, and it’s not even attractive to you. That honesty and authenticity is much better, even if it might feel scary at first.

Yes but it doesn’t mean like It was only pretending and nothing else. Thing is that she had some expectations from me, Which indeed wasn’t wrong. She was insecure so…
And in my previous relationship I didn’t pretend anything and mostly said how it is and maybe sometimes brutally honest which I guess may have hurt her in some way as well but yeah.

Well, you don’t need to tell her all your deepest secrets on your first date. You need to take it slow and see how she responds to something honest and vulnerable (i.e. less than perfect) that you share about yourself. If she doesn’t like you being honest, or she cannot really empathize with you, that’s a big red flag. But if she can, and she is also sharing about herself, and there’s a mutual understanding (rather than criticism, mocking, feeling superior or inferior to the other…) – that’s a very good sign.

Hmm I think that’s super helpful. Thanks! This would be really helpful for me on how much should I open up in relationships

You’ve already had several failed relationships, so you know your patterns. Perhaps you’re also aware of what contributed to the breakup, and even what is your responsibility in it? If you know your patterns and your fears, you could talk about it in therapy and try to work on it, rather than take those same patterns and fears into a new relationship.

I’ve just watched a video by Henry Cloud, where he said: “What’s going to be new and different this time other than you wanting it to be new and different?” I think it can be applied it to relationships too: If you haven’t worked on those fears, or false beliefs or whatever – what is going to be different in your next relationship, other than you wanting it to be different? You know what I mean?

Yes I got your point. I have to work on this first. And I believe for my pattern there was mainly fear of commitment involved as well. But what I’m saying is that if it’s my fear of commitment then I’m not even looking for a commitment. I’m not that much old to look for a commitment either. Another thing is that there are probably woman like me who’s also have fear of commitment as well.. Then instead of just focusing on fear (Which I have to I know, and it does take time) why not just go with the flow and learn that way?