Dear SereneWolf,

I am fine today, merci 🙂 Do you speak French or you only know a few words? (I had to look up coucou because I’ve never heard of it before)

Actually, my manager knows this company’s VP well so that’s why he gave me this opportunity. It’s more suitable role because of my diverse skillset with more responsibility. my manager said that VP is really skilled and I can learn a lot from than him.
He said that because I made some processes efficient in few weeks that he couldn’t do in months.

What, your manager wants to let go of such a good workforce like yourself?? I say this only half-jokingly, because to me that’s strange. I mean, I’d want to encourage a good, efficient employee to stay and I’d give them a promotion, rather than encourage them to leave… unless he has shares in the other company as well 🙂

Comfortable by I mean like Not super serious work environment. Which I prefer. Fun and focused team. We make fun of each of other and just comfortable share things which is more than work. Not too much personal but still it feels more connected that way than working with robotic people who are only focused on work you know what I mean? Yet still we finish our projects before deadline.

This sounds really cool! To have a friendly, supportive work environment, not too serious and yet finishing tasks on time. A while ago you said you sometimes have trouble saying No to the upper management and so you just agree to everything, which then gives trouble to your team. Has that changed in the meanwhile? Are you more willing to say No to some of the unreasonable requirements coming from the upper management?

Also I think I did help a little for more collaborative and connected team from the changes that I’ve introduced. Remember I told you about the vulnerability. Also recently I requested company to give all employees Headspace – Meditation Premium App subscription for free which they’ve accepted. And main thing I taught team how to have more Product-led growth approach.

Sounds great! Meditation for better productivity sounds cool… Are you still keeping the feedback box as well – and are they using it?

Am I pleased with that? Well so far I’m pleased but I think I could still do something more.

Well, I think you should be very proud of yourself since you’ve achieved a major success: “I made some processes efficient in few weeks that he couldn’t do in months.”

Actually, it occurred to me now that your manager might feel a little threatened by you, since you’ve managed to achieve something he couldn’t do in months. Maybe that’s why he wants to send you away? Sorry if I am too suspicious and his motives are sincere…

Yes you guessed it right. She said it so seriously that I was kind of caught in the middle and I didn’t know what to say and my response was to run away. And yes I do remember we talked about a committed relationship and freedom. But I guess my heart wasn’t ready accept it fully? Maybe That’s why I didn’t even thought about it much and responded this way.

Yes, it was an automatic reaction, triggered by your old wounds. That’s when our rational mind shuts down and only the limbic brain is active, which is all about fight-or-flight. You felt danger and you ran away…

And I actually felt like I’m out of some trap after that.

Yes, I can imagine… because you did feel trapped (you’ve already mentioned feeling trapped in the relationship before). And in this case it was just her mentioning the possibility of a long-term relationship that caused you to feel trapped. The alarm bell went off, it signaled danger and you ran away.

Hmm right dating is exhausting and maybe for women even more exhausting? I guess since most of the time there’s one partner after another.

I don’t know what was her dating experience. But I think it can be exhausting for both women and men. If she has met many guys who just want to have fun and no sincere intentions, I can imagine it’s exhausting for her…

Yeah it did scared me because I’m scared for a commitment first. But you right perhaps she was asking just for that long-term possibility.

Right… I mean objectively, you weren’t in any imminent danger, because she didn’t ask you to marry her or anything like that. But your emotional wound made you see it as danger and react the way you did.

Have you talked about your fear of relationship/intimacy in therapy?