Dear SereneWolf,

Ah I see, Hope you find a really good doctor that helps for your health much better

thank you!

Yes I knew that well but since she wasn’t comfortable opening up with therapist I felt like I should help her much as much as I can. But in result it just emotionally drained me because yeah it was one-sided help.

Yes, it was just you helping her, being like her therapist, which is not an equal relationship. And yes, it’s emotionally draining, specially when you see the same issues come up again and again… and nothing changes.

And it sometimes it made me question myself like does it even matter to help people? because at the end of the day they’re going to do just whatever they want.

Yep.. people who don’t want to seek therapy usually don’t want to really help themselves. They tend to complain and maybe feel a bit better when you encourage them, but this only lasts for a short while and they slip back quickly into their old patterns. So no real change happens.

Well kind of yeah both reasons I didn’t feel the need and when I did feel it I was like let’s not rush she’s going to text if she wants it, Why should I seem needy first? That’s what I was thinking

Yeah, that’s you not wanting to show neediness and vulnerability. So there was a moment when you did feel like texting her (that was a spontaneous impulse), but then you shut if down, for fear of appearing needy.

Yes I do feel bad though. Because in short time she’s quite vulnerable with me and I’ve disappointed her already.

Well, your fear got in the way. You can still repair the damage, if you’d want to…

Overthinking and fear I suppose. Like now relationship is gradually getting deeper but soon it will end

What are you telling yourself, i.e. what’s your internal dialogue, which makes you believe it will soon end?

But we actually can’t and that’s what disappoints more. Right?

Correct! We hope to change our parents, and then we hope to change our emotionally unavailable partners, but we don’t succeed. And it leads to disappointment.

Naah he doesn’t do that to me. It’s been a while, he used to do that a lot in past

Good! I am happy you can have a more civil relationship now…