Hey Tee,

As for myself, I too am feeling a little better. Hopefully it won’t be temporary, like last time.

You do yoga right?

Yes, it’s important that you’re aware of it and working on it. Are you still doing the journaling (writing down your fears and resentments)?

I didn’t do it while I was at my hometown but now that I’m back to the city I’ll continue.. and I do feel better while journaling. Also letting things happen by itself and just trust the divine so I don’t feel overwhelmed by everything.

I see… so you’d want her to stick around to prove her love. Although you didn’t let her say “I love you” and were not showing that you care about her too much… so yes, it’s kind of a contradiction. If you want her to stick around, you’d need to show it too…

Yes I know that, But because she’s taking time and still sticking to past, That’s why I told her no. She reacted like I did this entirely by myself. But she didn’t argue much after that. She hugged me tight and kissed and still asked me to just friends? I said I’ll think and answer, And after I said No she said She won’t get back together with her ex either. I said it’s your decision, If you don’t need to be in rush, Don’t rush.

Okay, I understand this makes you upset, but I think the first thing you should do is become more immune to those indirect judgments. To know that you are good enough as you are. So those veiled comments will not bother you so much.

Yeah that good enough feeling isn’t that easy. Is it? haha

And then you can decide what you want to do – whether it makes sense to ask your father not to mention other people to you, or to let it go. If you are not so triggered, it will be easier to take it lightly, e.g. to change the topic, or say “Yeah, he/she is doing quite well” (you sort of agree with them).

You don’t need to start justifying yourself, you just acknowledge that this person is doing well, while knowing inside of yourself that you too are doing well and that you are good enough. If you are not judging yourself, their judgments will carry less weight too.

I mean I’m aware of that, and I don’t have like any kind of jealousy. But me and my siblings are worried that they (My Father and grandpa) aren’t like a children then they shouldn’t behave like this, They should be happy with what they have and have feeling of satisfaction. Instead of always complaining this is wrong and that is wrong. That’s just irritating for all of us.

Good! Are your siblings supportive of you? Do they get similar treatment from your father and grandfather?

Yes I’m really lucky that my siblings are really supportive. And yeah they do get similar treatment from my father and grandfather. My little brother somewhat doesn’t much bothered because I can sense his self-esteem, But yeah he’s annoyed as well, However for my sister she’s quite sensitive, Maybe even more sensitive than me. But she also accepted that there is not much chances of them changing

I just checked, BMI of 19 is not undernourished, but on the border. But you say you do a eat a lot and aren’t vomiting, which doesn’t really qualify as anorexia or bulimia. Does it mean you have periods of indulging in food and then starving yourself, not to gain weight? Because that too can be disordered eating – sort of swinging from one extreme to the other.

Hmm well swinging from one extreme to the other I’d say yes. Also I only have two big meals per day. Lunch and dinner. I skip breakfasts.

EDs are always related to nurturance, I think. In my family, food was the only “pleasure” that was not judged, so basically it was okay if I ate a lot, I wasn’t judged for that. But I was for just about everything else. So I guess that’s also one of the reasons food became my “drug” of choice.

Oh I see, That’s why you had anorexia

Yes, it seems you don’t feel good enough, in this case attractive enough physically. Which is just another manifestation of feeling not good enough in general. I guess that in reality, things are a little different, because you did say earlier that you get compliments for your looks, and you do get attention from pretty girls, right? So you not feeling attractive enough is something you are telling yourself – it’s a part of your inner critic. And you know how to treat that inner critic, don’t you?

Yes I do not listen much to that critic but I think I have to get more positive input or affirmation or something like that on that part?