Dear Teak,

How are you doing .its been a lomg time that i dint write back .

“I think it’s actually good that you’ve started reflecting more on the relationship between you and your mother, and want to explore it further. You say she is a sweet person, but emotionally distant. Was she emotionally distant also before the onset of her dementia?From what I’ve understood about your childhood, you haven’t received much personal attention from your mother, because she was very busy, having many children to take care of. She also was busy helping her relatives, if I remember well? Perhaps all those were factors that contributed to her feeling emotionally distant.You say she is introverted. Perhaps that means she wasn’t really talking too much about her own feelings either, perhaps stuffing them down, and so this contributed to her not being attuned to your (and your siblings’) feelings either?”

When I think about love, my mom’s love is the first thing that comes to mind. She was always there for me. I remember her arms, the hands that fed me, and her lap, where I would rest my head even though I was getting older. I used to hug her while sleeping, even when I was 12-13 years old. I recall feeling very sad at times and even wishing for death, but then I’d think about how my mom would be without me. It was clear to me, even at that young age, that she loved me unconditionally. However, I felt lonely because she couldn’t understand that I needed protection and emotional support.

My mom was quiet and not big on expressing herself. Our family followed the older tradition where having a family and kids was normal, and they didn’t think much beyond basic needs like food, clothes, and getting married. It was usual in our culture for older siblings to take care of the younger ones.

During my childhood, my mom was always nice,kinf,loving but not expressive. She never said no to anything I asked, and she never scolded me. She was really kind. But what was missing for me was the feeling of being taken care of. I wished my parents would be more concerned about me, wondering where I was if I disappeared for a bit. Unlike other kids’ parents, mine didn’t ask about my day. It felt like I wasn’t really looked after or belonged to anyone, and that made me feel lonely and i used to look for attention and love from others .