Dear Beni,

so good to hear from you again!

It touches me that you’ve been suffering and are living trough fear for your health. I imagine you are feeling vulnerable and out of control while needing resources and confidence to handle the situation.

Oh yes, I’ve been feeling very vulnerable, and since some of my conditions turned out to be chronic, I started feeling hopeless too. I think these health issues triggered an old childhood trauma, and brought to surface some feelings and false beliefs that I didn’t even know I had. So it’s been tough, and I am still struggling.

But yes, I did learn a lot and managed to calm down some of my anxiety. I don’t feel so helpless any more. But it’s still a struggle because new health issues or injuries keep popping up, and it’s like I can’t get a break from it. So I am still in the midst of it, but with a little bit more positive attitude and more optimism. I hope it gets better soon…

I learned that I worry a lot and I learned to recognize it. When I do not worry there is capacity to feel the next step and I do not get more afraid and after that freeze.

Wow, I too learned that I worry too much about my health and that it’s actually health anxiety. I also learned that when I am anxious, the body can’t heal so well, and the pain is stronger too. When I can stop fearing and freaking out, the pain diminishes too. So that’s been super helpful.

For you, when you don’t worry, you are more in touch with your intuition, with your true self, and can make better decisions. Cool! I will try that too – to get in touch more with my true self even as a part of me is worrying about my health and wanting to believe it will never get better.

I then did Snowboard Teacher Training in December and it triggered me a lot. I can’t hide myself any longer and I showed myself which was scary and felt natural. I belief we need to live trough the emotions/trauma and set them free by handling the situation in a way which meets our needs.

Congratulations on becoming a Snowboard teacher! I am glad you decided not to hide any more, and that it felt natural to be authentic, even though it was scary.

I noticed that when I live trough something like abandonment, guilt or shame and I feel my needs I can always keep the heart open.

Oh wow, that’s a great observation! If we are in touch with our true needs, even as we are experiencing abandonment or being shamed, we can keep our heart open. We don’t need to go into a defense mode. It’s like if we are in touch with our true needs, we are also in touch with our true self. And our true self has open heart and has compassion, always. Wow, that’s profound. I need to contemplate some more on it, but I like it.

My body tells me what to do where to go and it’s something I trust in deeper every week. In some way it feels selfish which I think is a wrong view on it.

Actually if we are in tune with our body, we are also in tune with our true needs. And with our intuition. So it makes sense that you would listen to your body and try to sense how you feel about something, and then do what feels right. Yeah, it makes sense to me.

I am happy you are in touch with your needs and listening to your body and your intuition. I am sure if will lead to less freezing and a more authentic way of being. Happy to hear that, Beni!