Dear Tee,

“She doesn’t say “I lied to you”, but she makes it seem as if you both lied to each other. “ She is referring to my high school crush incident that I shared with you which unfortunately looks like I lied, from her perspective.

“She blames you for having expectations, and says that you had those expectations only because it was your first relationship.” Exactly, that is one of the things that pissed me off because she only had one job and that was to be a loyal respectful girlfriend and she couldn’t even achieve the basic rules of a relationship so it is definitely not about my expectations being too high.

“Because I know I am being held to a certain standard, I have always told you that I felt like you were pure, and I didn’t like that I had sex with you.” She is saying that she didn’t like that she was the one to take my virginity because she believed it meant I wouldn’t know anything about being a boyfriend and sex and etc.

“If you were “her man”, why was she secretly living with her ex?” I am not sure if you can say that she was secretly living with her ex. She did not hide the guy, she just hid the relationship between the guy and herself.

“Let’s see: she was hurt by your insensitive question (whether she was a gold-digger) and by your parents’ (alleged) racist comments, where they warned you that she would cheat on you and that she is a gold-digger, only because of her skin color? (is this true btw?).” Not true, but it is what she understood, no matter how many times I tried to explain myself, she was too emotional to take the time to calm down and listen to what I had to say. It is the same stereotype of the modern world that my parents had which I shared with you already. My dad even called today telling me about a teenage girl next door trying to seduce a guy to sleep with her before her mom came home 🤦‍♂️. I tried to explain to B that what my parents said was not specifically about her because they don’t even know her, it was just their general opinion/warnings based on the experiences they have had. My method of informing her was flawed, which is why she easily misunderstood my intentions.

“She felt they labelled her unjustly. She presumably felt alone and abandoned by everyone, and then…. she decided to deal with it on her own? So her way of dealing with an offer for prostitution is to accept it?” Essentially, yes. But I think by dealing with it on her own, she is referring to just breaking up and staying away from me, but her aunt took advantage of her mental and emotional state and she did nothing to stop her.

“But you see that she IS trying to justify her actions and blame you in process, don’t you?” Yes I do see it. But it is extremely difficult for me to knock some sense into her, as she does not have the patience to listen and arguing with her is a waste of my energy.

“No, she is manipulating you because she doesn’t want to take responsibility for her actions, even if she claims she does. She is still blaming you, while claiming she is not. Pretty insidious!” I am perfectly aware of that, but for some reason it still feels like I played a role in the way things are now and that guilt is hurting me.

I don’t think the financial aspect is still valid since she has a stable job right now that pays better than her previous jobs. She is not in need of money as of right now, so does that mean she still wanted my validation?

Why does it seem like she is not even aware though? Like even in the long message she sent, she appears to not even be aware that she is the one acting like a victim and blaming me. I don’t want to be the cause of her pain but I don’t see any other option but to leave.

Paradoxy