Hi Tee,

Como stai?

I’ve got to tell you this! So the traumatic event that we talked about from my childhood? It was actually repeated yesterday evening but this time I was quite ready because I already decided I won’t back down and Imma fight. So we were doing the celling colouring work. And my father was like don’t do like that do it like this, and I was like ask a professional worker if you want it perfectly because I’ll do it how I know, I’m not the expert colouring worker. He snapped obviously. So he was like yeah now you’ll say find worker and blah blah, I said Hold on I never said to do it all by myself. If you want to do it by yourself you can do it. and I went working nearby balcony and he was working with my brother. So my mother came to me and she was like you know him why you wanted a fight? So I also told her,. Even about the therapy. Like do you have any idea what this kind of events in my life and suppressed anger is doing to me? If you want you can tell him, He won’t be able to control me like he did in my childhood. And after that he came to balcony and be like yeah you’re doing well. I was like if you give me few minutes to learn something obviously I’m going to do it well. So he got angry again because I talked back. But I didn’t care. And tbh I felt so alive and proud of myself! It happened yesterday evening but I’m still feeling so good about it.

I am glad you liked it! You probably saw yourself in that example, and that’s what brought tears to your eyes…

Yes Exactly!

Yes, you adopted your father’s belief that you are not good enough. Christine Hassler often uses the phrase “you bought into the belief…” Yes, we as children believe our parents’ view of us. Their critical voice becomes the voice of our inner critic. The external critic becomes internalized. And so the voice of our critical parent(s) keeps living in our head.

Yes I actively need to work replacing critical voice with positive and supportive one.

Yes, it’s a good question. Have you thought about it?

Well I think I’ve felt the most powerful just recently like I told you. Because of that I felt like yeah I have my own voice and power why am I keep letting them control me?

And another time when I finally got a fully remote job in sustainability!

Hmm What else? Can I also count when I learned to Bicycling and Driving? Because my family thought I’m slow and scared of it, so I wouldn’t learn that

You mean you don’t feel ready to do the exercise with the inner child, which she did with her client? Or you don’t remember a particular situation, which you would want to go back to and “rewrite”?

I mean I already tried, I also know the particular situation (the one I just mentioned) I think that situation from my childhood is the most memorable one. But the feeling the truth by I mean like I’m right and I shouldn’t feel like only elder family members tell me is the truth. Like I literally feel like I need to build my own voice persona from scratch. Because the thing is even the positive voices are coming externally. Not from within, Like how some of my friends praise me, how my co-workers praise me for my work, the women I’ve been with tells me how kind, passionate and caring I am.

Like I don’t feel like I actually need external validation, I’m not longing for those voices. But it’s just there. You know what I mean?

I need to connect with myself on deeper level. But you can feel free to tell me how can I “rewrite” from your perspective.