Dear Tee,

Sorry I definitely didn’t see any update on the post.

“Well, she said she always noticed when you felt upset” The key word is “looked” so she mainly saw the physical aspect, and just generalized the feeling.

“Since she is claiming she would notice your upset – which is not a physical, but an emotional  state – she is indeed gaslighting you. Besides, she told you that you humiliated them when she learned about your suicide attempt. That’s how emotionally “supportive” and “tuned in” she was.” Yea I know, that is why I got really riled up by her comment.

“Sure, because in their eyes, only physical issues and illnesses are worth complaining about. And since you are still young and healthy, why indeed would you complain about a single thing? You must be an idiot if you do (says your father).” Precisely.

“That’s what you believe about yourself: that something is fundamentally wrong with you. And that’s what all children (and later adults) who were emotionally abused believe about themselves. Until they start healing and reverting those damaging core beliefs.” I honestly don’t know anymore. Last night I found out that my guy best friend just hit on my ex, behind my back, going far enough to tell her not to tell me. Basically, he was interested in her from the beginning. Despite all the things I told him about her. Lol. Then my ex proceeded with more insults. Telling me that every girl that rejected me dodged a bullet lol. Telling me that I am unlovable and etc. I don’t know anymore. To fight back I started insulting her too. But idk, I was never good at a verbal battle.

“But you, Paradoxy, don’t want to accept it: you fell for their false view of you: that you are an idiot. That you are not good enough. You fell for that false identity. In other words, you accepted a lie.” Can’t seem to fight the feeling that maybe…. just maybe…. people are actually better off without me.

“Don’t break a bird’s wings and then tell it to fly.

Don’t break a heart and then tell it to love.

Don’t break a soul and then tell it to be happy.” 

I am all of the above at this point lol.

Paradoxy