Hi SereneWolf,

I just want to add: the fact that you’ve recently stood up to both your father and grandfather and expressed your frustration is a big deal! That’s the beginning of standing up for yourself, saying No to certain things, and setting boundaries. Exactly what you need in the next phase of your healing journey: to speak more freely and stand up for yourself, not suppressing your frustration and pretending you are fine with being mistreated (the latter is what your mother taught you).

So it’s a huge huge step forward and an important milestone!

It’s also great that your mother understood your need to speak up and didn’t try to silence you, once you’ve explained to her how much her “hushing you down” have cost you in terms of mental health:

Although My father does started to tell my mom (Not to me or my brother directly) that we’re not obedient like before. We siblings talk back a lot. And My mother still just listens to that. But she did told me that if you think it’s hurting you then speak up I didn’t speak up in all these years so I don’t speak up or just rarely.

So that’s a change of attitude on her part too. And you were clear that you won’t let her hush you down anymore. So I just want to reiterate: that’s a great progress, SereneWolf, and I think it’s actually a crucial step in becoming more authentic and self-confident (and free) – not only in the relationship with your parents, but in all of your relationships too.