Hi Tee,

I am not doing that well, since some old health issues (knee problems) resurrected again, which have magically disappeared in the last 1.5 years, since I’ve been suffering from back pain. Well now they are back, so now I need to start dealing with that too…aarrgh… I hope it’s temporary though and will get better…

Ohh I’m sorry to hear that. Knee and back pain, both. That’s hard to deal with. I hope you find the strength to deal with that pain. Try to rest as much as you can and don’t push yourself too much. I hope your pain eases up soon.

To get to the essence, I understand your point of view. But are you suggesting me to find someone and have a committed relationship just when I started my travelling journey? Like I mentioned I don’t want LDR again.

I mean I know as a good mentor you’re trying to point out the things and without facing that fear maybe there wouldn’t be true healing. Because all this time I just tried to tip my toes in the river instead of actually diving in and start swimming.

Before I wasn’t very clear , But now I know that my real fear is being vulnerable with someone I try to be intimate with. That’s something I need to work on.

But question is should my priority right now should be only working on relationships? or my self esteem? Or the sense of feeling good enough?

I also wanted to mention that I started reading the book from the Vex King, Good Vibes, Good Life: How Self-Love Is the Key to Unlocking Your Greatness. Only read few pages (Because my focus span is still ain’t good) and I’m enjoying it.

So would you like to be FWB with this new girl? Have you told her that? Because as far as I know, you refused a regular relationship, but you didn’t tell her you’d like FWB, right? You weren’t really “clear and straight forward”.

Like I said I don’t want to continue  with this girl. We’re not enemies so we can talk sometime and that’s about it. Because even for FWB I have some ground rules that I follow and she doesn’t meet that area. FWB for me is more than casual sex. and I talked to my friend who warned me about her and she said she have many options so maybe that’s why she be playing games like who wins and I don’t want to be a part of that game. and I don’t understand what’s wrong in telling “well if you miss me, why don’t you write more?” Because I didn’t missed talking to her that much.

I’ll write second part later on.