Hi Chintoo,

Your experience echoes something I myself often experience and so I wonder, did you ask a question because you had a question to ask only to find yourself nervous when asking it OR did you feel compelled and pressured to ask a question in order fill a silent void, relieve the uncomofortable tension in the room, and “make others feel better”?

If it’s the latter, I’m not surprised that you had trouble formulating the question and were feeling nervous. The question may not have been genuine. In my experience, I find that if there’s something I really want to know and something peaks my curiousity, the question just comes up naturally. I still might get nervous once all eyes are on me, but because the motivation to speak stems from a personal need to know, once I get going, the eyes around me disappear and I’m simply conecting with the person I’m addressing. Others may benefit from hearing what I have to ask and the response, but the primary driver is personal and they just become observers in the exchange.

However, if I’m asking a question for the sake of asking a question, I’m not doing it for me. I’m doing it for everyone else in the room. I’m not really looking for a response. I’m not really engaging with the person I’m addressing. I become highly aware of the feeling and mood in the room and I’m unconsciously scanning the situation to see if I’ve successfully broken the tension. If you’re attention is split (addressing the recipient and scanning the room), you’re bound to get anxious and loose your thread.

Next time you feel the tension, see if you can just sit with it and not react. If the floor is open for questions, don’t look around, but look inside. Is there something you REALLY want to know? If so, take a moment to review your notes, reflect on what you heard, and maybe even write down your question before asking. If not, then just stay silent. You’re not there to make others feel better. You’re there to learn, engage, explore, and expand your knowledge.

And I agree with what others have said. Public speaking takes practice. Try out “Toastmasters International”. It’s a great organization that will help with your public speaking. However, always be aware of where your motivation is coming from and make sure you’re speaking because You have something YOU want to share or YOUR asking a question because YOU want to know. Not for the sake of others.

Namaste brother!

• This reply was modified 10 years, 2 months ago by Little Buddha.